Never having sex again

I’m in my 60s and whilst I’ve had sex in my younger days which was amazing, sex with my partner of 29 odd years has never been particularly fulfilling for me, and post menopause I just don’t have any inclination to be intimate. I love my partner and feel bad as he still would like sex but I find I just can’t . I can’t imagine having sex ever again and I am a bit sad about that. I’m reassured by the range of ages of people who don’t want or need sex in their lives as I thought I was maybe a bit weird in not Wanting it. I do sometimes wonder if I’d ever want it with someone else though!

Would have loved to have carried on having sex with my exh of 36yrs but it became too predictable, he didn't make the effort hygiene wise and I think I lost the interest thanks to the menopause, glad I had loads when we were younger, with him and pre him! 60yr old talking btw! Still find men attractive and a quick shag yes long 40 mins sessions no thanks!!

I didn't think so. It's a high price for a comfortable retirement; there were other ways to achieve it. I feel sorry for Poodlemother suffering painful sex year in, year out, and can't help feeling something could have been done about that.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Does she still not discuss it at all?

We regularly see threads on here by wives who've stopped having sex. In many cases it's understandable - selfish husbands who've taken them for granted and/or never made the effort to please them sexually, women traumatised by cancer treatment with husbands who fail to understand the impact, men who've 'let themselves go' quite spectacularly yet won't take hints or criticism, and others.

Some of these cases are irretrievable, some could be helped. But it's extraordinarily cruel to unilaterally change the terms of a relationship without discussion. I hope your DW will talk to you - might couples therapy help? If there's no hope of change, you'd be justified in ending the marriage.

Sex in that context tends to be rubbish though.

Single 12 years, celibate (again) for almost 3.

Can’t be arsed to have sex again.

I’m 44 and whilst I would still have sex if my husband wanted it we haven’t in two and a half years since he cheated on me. I can’t stand the idea of anyone other than him touching me, but if I’m honest I’d be happy never having sex again. I never enjoyed it.

This is an absolutely fascinating thread.

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I’m 54 and could have written this myself!! Am much happier when there’s no romantic involvement in my life because it’s brought me nothing but stress and heartache! I do have 2 amazing teenagers, lots of friends, an extended family, I couldn’t care less if I never had another romance for the rest of my life!

A bit extreme here as we had sex for the last time almost 7 years ago, and it was the time my lovely DD was conceived. There's a myriad of reasons as to why it is as it is. I won't go into it. I'm happy to carry on as I am, which is strange as I used to love getting some all through my 20s and 30s...

I’m 62, I cannot imagine having sex again, my ex partner was just awful in that department and I could never be happily naked in front of another man, I don’t want to be touched.
I love my own bed and the safe, cozy feeling of sleeping alone.

It’s a shame, I used to be rampant before him but never, ever again.

38 ish? I’ve only really wanted to have sex when trying for a baby. Don’t see the point otherwise.

@user043857398 I don't understand your post. Your post initially states that you don't want to be touched by a man again, which implies a lack of sexual attraction to men. But then you talk about frustrations in chasing men and hoping they would "choose" you.

Obviously, having romantic partners and having sex are two different things, and as a woman, it should be extremely easy to have multiple partners for sexual contact who do not want a relationship.

You are coming up to your best, incognito. Don't even think of doing without just yet.

I’m 41, been single 10 years and HATE it! I still have a huge sex drive despite not having had it for 10 years. I cannot imagine never again, I’m just staying single for a myriad reasons whilst my child grows up. I frequently daydream about that spark of lust when you first meet someone and your first intimacy with him.
In other words I think your mind will change as time goes on. I had a very similar view to you when I was first single, I swore off men for good. My mind soon changed in terms of what I wish for. 8-10 more years to go! 🕰️

If I lost my husband, I would not be having another relationship.
All my friend’s husbands are awful. I think I’d be utterly miserable with any other man. I genuinely can’t believe I found my husband.

If you’re happy with your decision, don’t second guess yourself

I had a lot of sex when I was younger, a lot of partners. I have joked that I used it all up and now there’s nothing left.

I’m 47 and getting divorced and can’t entertain someone else. I still have a sex drive but happy to DIY. Much less effort.

In reality I’d probably like an occasional one nighter. I don’t much enjoy the intimacy of a relationship but I do like the occasional stranger encounter. My ex always said I have a very “male” attitude to sex. He’s right really.

same. I can't imagine being faffed and the whole idea of dating etc just fills me with a deep tiredness. I'm 52 and my DH and I haven't had sex for 2 years. To be fair I had to have a hysterectomy a few years ago and he has high blood pressure so is on medication. I'd like to have sex with him again if we could get our bloods up, but other than that I'm happy to call time on my sex life and move on.

I think a total lack of sex drive is a bad sign, health-wise

But there are many ways to address it

Me & dh are 62. My sex drive has been dead in the water for a few years now. His hasnt. I wish I could feel different as it's not fair on him. He's been a brilliant husband & father & is still attractive. Other women comment that he's still attractive at his age. He's not a philanderer by any stretch of the imagination, but there's only so much patience a person can have.
I look at him and love him so much, even after all these years, and in my head I want to want it; but when it comes to it I feel dont want to. I don't know if I'm just lazy & overweight. My poor dh 😢

I’m 46 married with a teen and a tween and would be more than happy to never do it again! I still like affection but sex feels like such a chore, I’m in the depths of peri menopause so maybe that has something to do with it but I feel dead. I open my eyes in the morning and I’m already tired so by the time bed time rolls around I’m just exhausted and all I want to do is read my book and fall asleep. I do do it because I adore my husband and he would be devastated if he knew how I felt so I play along once or twice and week and everything is rosie.

We had unexplained infertility so spent a total of 8 years trying for two babies so I feel like that used up all of my love of sex.

45 here - no interest in sex or men really now compared to 20s and 30s

44, but I'm in the process of divorce the man I absolutely adore and thought he was my soulmate. Turns out he's gay, had sex with men before that he didn't tell me about when discussing previous relationships. He recently went out abd had sex with a random online man. I guess just to make sure he was gay before coming out.

I still have sex on my mind, but very, very much doubt I'll ever trust a man enough again.

I thought we were genetically programmed to want a partner aren’t we? Not just a societal expectation?
From my experience , being part of a couple is nicer than being single
but I know you can also feel lonely in a relationship if there’s not enough compatibility