Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Never having sex again

466 replies

user043857398 · 21/09/2025 08:29

What age were you when you realised you never wanted to be touched by a man again and saw absolutely no value in a man choosing to be with you long-term?

I'm probably quite young to have come to this conclusion and the knowledge that I'll never have a romantic connection again fills me with joy.

Friends, my children, my home, my future all take my headspace up and it's such a beautiful contrast to spending my youth chasing men and hoping they would 'choose me'. It must all have been due to societal programming. I look back and realise I was always happier when I was single and not interested in someone romantically.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 23/09/2025 21:03

"I've always only ever enjoyed sex when it comes with love. "

Demi-sexual although I think it includes any kind of romantic connection and doesn't have to be 'in love'. I think it's so common among women that it shouldn't have a particular label.

CantBreathe90 · 23/09/2025 21:02

shuggles · 23/09/2025 20:41

I don't understand. Sex is sex. If sex in a relationship is good, then why would it be bad outside of a relationship? This doesn't make sense.

It's like saying you enjoyed eating Mars bars if you're at a train station, but not if you're at a bus stop. It's the same Mars bar.

Show quote history

Why anything with sexuality? Why do some people only orgasm with men, or with women? Why do some people really like BDSM while others like it vanilla?

It's quite common for people to only enjoy sex, with someone they are in a relationship with, and for whom they have romantic feelings for. As to why this in particular, is a question for the philosophers...

Gwenhwyfar · 23/09/2025 20:57

BauhausOfEliott · 21/09/2025 12:45

What’s romantic love got to do with a damn good fuck?

I’m 49. I really enjoy sex and I find men attractive. I also love my partner, but that isn’t really why I enjoy sex with him. I enjoy sex with him because sex is something I get a lot of pleasure from and he’s good at it. I wouldn’t ever cheat on my partner because I adore him, but I know full well I would also enjoy sex if I had it with other people too.

The number of women on Mumsnet who insist they have zero interest in sex of any kind, even at a relatively young age, and who also insist that the very notion of spending any time with a man makes their skin crawl, is bizarre. I know literally nobody in real life, of any age, who feels like this and I think Mumsnet is very disproportionate on this. It’s very odd to me that people talk about a complete loathing of sex as a normal life stage that we can all expect as women. Certainly, a lot of people see their sex drive drop, but complete revulsion at the mere suggestion of physical touch or affection isn’t especially normal.

Show quote history

How do you know that you don't know anybody who feels like this in real life?
You might do, but they either don't mention it or lie about because it's not socially acceptable.

As far as romantic love having anything to do with sex, I don't believe you don't know any women who do think the two are connected.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/09/2025 20:46

shuggles · 23/09/2025 20:45

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow Why should l share myself with someone who just wants a hole to empty himself into?

The whole idea is that you're supposed to enjoy it too. The overwhelming majority of men don't enjoy sex if they think the woman is not enjoying it.

But l wouldn’t ever enjoy casual sex.

So that’s how l regard it.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/09/2025 20:46

shuggles · 23/09/2025 20:44

Can you not feel love for friends or acquaintances? Can you not trust a friend that you know?

Show quote history

No!

I wouldn’t even go there. Just leads to too many misunderstandings. Why would l shag a friend?

shuggles · 23/09/2025 20:45

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow Why should l share myself with someone who just wants a hole to empty himself into?

The whole idea is that you're supposed to enjoy it too. The overwhelming majority of men don't enjoy sex if they think the woman is not enjoying it.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/09/2025 20:44

shuggles · 23/09/2025 20:41

I don't understand. Sex is sex. If sex in a relationship is good, then why would it be bad outside of a relationship? This doesn't make sense.

It's like saying you enjoyed eating Mars bars if you're at a train station, but not if you're at a bus stop. It's the same Mars bar.

Show quote history

You don’t seem to understand people are different.

I’ve never done casual sex. I find the thought horrible. Why should l share myself with someone who just wants a hole to empty himself into?

l need someone who l can trust to form a sexual relationship with, not a fling.

It’s immaterial anyway. No interest now.

shuggles · 23/09/2025 20:44

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/09/2025 20:42

Because there’s no love? Or trust?

Sex isn’t just about an itch to scratch.

Show quote history

Can you not feel love for friends or acquaintances? Can you not trust a friend that you know?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/09/2025 20:42

shuggles · 23/09/2025 20:39

If a woman can have an orgasm with a man she is in a relationship with, why would it be less likely during a sexual encounter with a man she is not in a relationship with?

Show quote history

Because there’s no love? Or trust?

Sex isn’t just about an itch to scratch.

shuggles · 23/09/2025 20:41

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/09/2025 20:38

Why would it be good? I can’t think of anything worse.

Show quote history

I don't understand. Sex is sex. If sex in a relationship is good, then why would it be bad outside of a relationship? This doesn't make sense.

It's like saying you enjoyed eating Mars bars if you're at a train station, but not if you're at a bus stop. It's the same Mars bar.

JHound · 23/09/2025 20:40

shuggles · 23/09/2025 20:39

If a woman can have an orgasm with a man she is in a relationship with, why would it be less likely during a sexual encounter with a man she is not in a relationship with?

Show quote history

Google “Orgasm Gap”.

shuggles · 23/09/2025 20:39

JHound · 23/09/2025 20:35

Google “Orgasm Gap”.

Show quote history

If a woman can have an orgasm with a man she is in a relationship with, why would it be less likely during a sexual encounter with a man she is not in a relationship with?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/09/2025 20:38

shuggles · 23/09/2025 20:32

Why? Why would sex with a casual friend be rubbish?

Show quote history

Why would it be good? I can’t think of anything worse.

JHound · 23/09/2025 20:35

shuggles · 23/09/2025 20:32

Why? Why would sex with a casual friend be rubbish?

Show quote history

Google “Orgasm Gap”.

shuggles · 23/09/2025 20:32

JHound · 22/09/2025 22:39

Sex in that context tends to be rubbish though.

Show quote history

Why? Why would sex with a casual friend be rubbish?

HRTQueen · 23/09/2025 19:29

StripyShirt · 23/09/2025 11:57

More a case of them being happy to marry a complete oaf and then spend their lives complaining about them?

Do people not discuss things like the sharing of housework and childcare before moving in together?

Show quote history

Its an expectation in this day and age that the man you live with will share responsibilities, housework and childcare

I don’t know any women that have married men are complete oafs to start with

JHound · 23/09/2025 18:52

DervlaGlass · 23/09/2025 13:54

Er... According to medical science. If you have a healthy balance of neurotransmitters and hormones you should feel sexual impulses sometimes.

Show quote history

Source: “Dude - Trust Me”.

CalicoPusscat · 23/09/2025 17:28

Middle aged, too much else on at present to think about that! I would like companionship eventually however

DervlaGlass · 23/09/2025 17:16

VoltaireMittyDream · 23/09/2025 16:06

I’m living close to a female relative who is experiencing mild cognitive decline, and suddenly wants to talk to me loudly and in great detail about her sexual fantasies when we go out for a stroll and a cuppa.

So let this be a warning to us all - years of peaceful menopausal celibacy don’t rule out the possibility of becoming a semi-senile uber-cougar at 85. 😬

It ain’t over till it’s over!

😂 Oh God I really hope I don't go this way

DervlaGlass · 23/09/2025 17:15

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/09/2025 15:48

I think this is shite. Bet it’s written by men.

On here it seems peri/meno cause a serious dip as do small children. Did they talk to people in these demographics?

Show quote history

I think women take a really unfair burden of drudge in this life and that certainly won't help (it won't help any aspect of health).

DervlaGlass · 23/09/2025 17:15

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/09/2025 15:48

I think this is shite. Bet it’s written by men.

On here it seems peri/meno cause a serious dip as do small children. Did they talk to people in these demographics?

Show quote history

I think women take a really unfair burden of drudge in this life and that certainly won't help (it won't help any aspect of health).

VoltaireMittyDream · 23/09/2025 16:06

I’m living close to a female relative who is experiencing mild cognitive decline, and suddenly wants to talk to me loudly and in great detail about her sexual fantasies when we go out for a stroll and a cuppa.

So let this be a warning to us all - years of peaceful menopausal celibacy don’t rule out the possibility of becoming a semi-senile uber-cougar at 85. 😬

It ain’t over till it’s over!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/09/2025 15:48

DervlaGlass · 23/09/2025 13:54

Er... According to medical science. If you have a healthy balance of neurotransmitters and hormones you should feel sexual impulses sometimes.

Show quote history

I think this is shite. Bet it’s written by men.

On here it seems peri/meno cause a serious dip as do small children. Did they talk to people in these demographics?

Cojones · 23/09/2025 15:44

A week ago I would have said I was firmly on the no sex and happy with it side of things.

I lost my libido after having our kids and though we sporadically had sex after a while I stopped. It wasn’t helped by DP saying he’d have a vasectomy then backtracking and I didn’t want to take the pill or use a coil. I didn’t miss the sex though, it was a bit of a relief though I did feel a bit sad for DP. I would occasionally casually joke about it but he seemed to be fine with the situation. So it’s been a bit of a desert in our house, probably for 12+/- years. DP was also put on meds that affected his libido too.

However, we’ve had our first week away without our (now adult) kids. DP made overtures and we had very imperfect but very enjoyable sex. We’ve talked about it and will try to maintain this going forward. It’s been a rather lovely development.

Had it not happened I think we’d have just carried on as a partnership, neither of us can imagine life without the other.

DervlaGlass · 23/09/2025 13:54

JHound · 23/09/2025 13:24

Who says a healthy human body has a sex drive? According to whom?

This kind of nonsense is why people with low / no sex drives feel the need to pathologise themselves.

The part about a sex drive being necessary for blood flow to certain areas sounds like Pseudoscience.

A lack of sex drive is no worse than a high one.

Show quote history

Er... According to medical science. If you have a healthy balance of neurotransmitters and hormones you should feel sexual impulses sometimes.