Never having sex again

Late 30's but I'd become widowed so not like it was through choice! But by then I had started to become, and still am, peri-menopausal. So I can't imagine being touched by anyone. Things might be different if I still had DH though, who knows.

Anyway I know lots of couples 40 plus where the romance is dead, if by what female work colleagues and friends etc that age tell me of their lives.

My partner and I haven't had sex for over 5 years, not sure how long actually. Im 56

@T1Dmama Can I join your soul sisterhood 😁.

I get everything you are saying.

I'm not having much sex at the minute,52 ,but not menopause causing issues
So it's an interesting thread

Demisexual is the word you're looking for. It's on the spectrum within Asexuality. Grey-Ace is another that sometimes fits.

No attraction without emotional connection.

It's what i am. The person i do occasionally sleep with is one of my best friends, and it took about 3 years before we agreed to a one night thing, that turned out to work very well for both of us.

I've never understood 'one night stands' with strangers, i tried it once and hated it, it felt cold, and soulless, there was something huge missing, and i have never done it again.

I've slept with two people in 8 years, both were close friends who i trusted implicitly.

i could happily go without it and never think of it if there wasn't anyone i was close to.

Exactly..but I was just wondering what other people thought

Men consistently letting you down can permanently kill your sex drive dead. Who knows, if I had spent my life with a gorgeous, wonderful, kind, honest, funny, sexy man I doubt very much my sex drive would have died.

I have drummed it into my sons to be good men, good partners, good people and thankfully so far they seem to be. As long as they are not like their dad in relationships then all is good (so far so good).

I realised in my 40s that i never wanted to have sex with a man again. I thought for a long time that it meant I was asexual, but actually I was just a lesbian and didn't know!

I think you’re my soul sister 😂
feel exactly the same as you do!
I feel insulted by people thinking I ‘need’ a man… people suggesting blind dates and dating sites…. I’m not the slightest bit interested.
I've been in 3 long term relationships of 3 years when I was 18, 5 years shortly after that one ended, then when we split I met & married my exh within 2 years…. And we were together 18 years…. Each relationship chipped away at a bit of me, each one ending took some of my self esteem … made me feel like a failure and not good enough… I’m a shadow now of that beautiful 18 year old that thought my first live would be my forever love!
I’ve spent my whole adult life trying to keep a man happy, putting my own wants and needs second…
Many people say that I just got bad ones and there are some good men still out there, but I’m honestly just not interested in it… I’m not interested in having to consider someone else, take on their kids or grandkids, having to consider someone else’s child and negotiate that is my biggest put off tbh… my DD comes first and reading threads on here where people say you should love your step kids the same as your own just puts me right off it all…. I don’t want to live anyone else like I do my own DD…. I don’t want to force her into blended situations …
I also like watching all the crap on TV I wasn’t allowed to watch before… I like being able to go to bed whenever I like without being accused of anything,
i like not having to go to the places he wanted to go to, then have to put up with him looking bored if we went somewhere me or DD wanted to go!
or having to cook for him…

It was VA that put the kybosh on my sex life, but mostly because my then partner was so unconcerned about any pain I suffered. I'm now on topical oestrogen but for my own genital health not to enable sex, because the aversion I feel is linked to the pain I suffered then.

I'm early 60s and live with OH. We haven't had sex for about 3 years. It just kind of fizzled out and neither of us initiates anything.
As the OP said, I have enough in my life and can't be bothered with it any more.
No interest whatever but we still have a great relationship.

i thought i was there when i divorced aged 37... took a close friend and a hell of a lot of flirting, time, and feeling absolutely safe in a 'one off' to make me realise i wasn't done, i'm just.. very sporadic and need to feel safe/wanted, and not constantly harassed and moaned at. Anyone's vagina would clamp shut when a man can't leave you along and calls you a bitch when you say no.

i am still very done with the notion of getting married or ever living with a man again, i like my privacy, and my freedom to do what i like about my home, my bed to myself, and seeing who i like, when i like.

I have a very happy platonic relationship with a close friend, there is nothing physical between us, but we're as close as you can get and not be sleeping with each other.

i have another friend that for the last 3 years we've been having a bit of casual thing when we see each other, it suits us both and there are no strings, and its definitely fun.. but very much on my terms.

I get what i need with zero stress, zero drama, and zero any pressure on my time or attention beyond what i want to give.

Can't get better imho.

It sounds like you do need one? Nothing wrong with that, why deny it?

Or maybe they're just not interested sex?

you give me hope, thank you!

I have doubts about how attractive my poor own body will be when I am 70, but I trust lingerie 😂 (some people are REALLY fit, but I know mine!)

Nearly 70 and can’t see it ever happening. I have become far more adventurous in my 60’s and learned a great deal about physical pleasure.

I feel lonely without a relationship, I don't NEED a man, but something is missing. Friends and family cannot replace the excitement, fun and joy of great dating, intimate relationship.

For me, it's one part of all the parts I want to have in my life. A holiday with friends, a holiday with my kids or a holiday with a lover are completely different things, but each enjoyable in their own way, and each needed if you ask me.

My husband completely changed after physical disabilities from strokes, historical military issues and total change in health and ability. But we have spent time working around this. And believe me his mental state was incredibly compromised. But I could never have written it out of our marriage because he didn't want that either- we talked about it really in depth so neither felt pressured and or guilty. A lot of time, patience, adapting. And it has been more than worth it for both of us.

Im in my early sixties and don’t intend on having sex again. It must be about ten years since I last had it (I’m not counting). I’ve nothing left to give, I’ve been let down too many times to care anymore. I have a lovely, safe crush on a celebrity and I’d have no hesitation in changing my mind if he wanted me to 😁 but in real life no. I just don’t need or want it anymore. Growing old with someone is one thing, but having to find an older man attractive at their old stage is quite another.

only if you met the wrong one, the right man - or the right woman - can and will not only deliver but exceed expectations.

Totally worth it.

Me being on MN is a complete waste of my time, and somehow I still do it 😂

I’m 48 and haven’t had sex for about 6 years. Me and exH been separated 4 years of that.
mum always shocked by the fact that people ask if I’m dating anyone and they’re shocked that I don’t want to !
im not in the slightest bit interested in male company. Not interested and don’t feel the need for any sort of sexual pleasure either..
I think it’s so sad so many of my divorced friends rush into dating again, I’m putting all my energy into raising my DD.
I miss adult company sometimes but if all my friends weren’t so desperate to get hooked up with a man I’d see them more!
I’d love to do holidays with friends and their kids for example, but they’ve all got new partners and having a man there changes the dynamics too much for me..
I don’t really like men anymore, 30 years of failed relationships with selfish men has been enough…. Here’s hoping I have 30 plus years being happily single!

I think the idea of what a ‘sex drive’ even is varies enormously from person to person.

I never understood what people meant by being horny as a kind of state of mind - feeling up for it even in the absence of anyone nearby. I would only ever feel aroused in the presence of someone I fancied.

An odd thing happened to me when I was in my late 30s - I moved out of London to a new city, and I never again laid eyes on a man I found attractive. For a year or two this seemed utterly bizarre to me and I wondered whether I had stumbled into a particularly ugly part of the world, or whether I’d had a bump to the head that damaged some part of the brain that regulates attraction - but then I just got used to it.

There have been 2 occasions since then when I’ve seen a man and had a fleeting ‘phwoar’ response, but generally I look at men in the environments I move through and feel utterly unmoved.

When I read threads on here about limerance and women who go around feeling sexually / romantically obsessed with men, I feel at once relieved not to have to have my life disrupted by this stuff, and also envious that other people have this layer of excitement that transforms ordinary office workers with nasal hair and coffee breath into demigods. I wouldn’t mind being transformed that way myself!

I really sympathise with this. It took me 5 years fighting to get my HRT.

i agree ig is far far far too short, to be wasting energy and time on men who fail to deliver.