AIBU to not want to decide what’s for sodding dinner?

Oh I hear you OP! I don't mind drives me mad, I tell them to stop pretending to be so easy going because we all know it's bullshit. I absolutely refuse to cook multiple dinners so it's one thing, and that means someone is always disappointed. I've tried to get them to put a meal plan together, not even weekly, but more like sit down once a year or season and list the things you can all have and I'll work on a rotation. It didn't happen.

What did help was a monthly wall chart where I write dinner every day for the month of September. Monday: stir fry Tuesday spaghetti bol etc. New wall chart for October etc. No more questions, I just point to the wall chart or tell them look it up themselves. It also manages disappointment and stops people passing remarks.

I’d do a full week of different things on toast 😂

I have a list for the week so just pick off there , i don’t ask ds and dh what they want .

I don't ask.....it would be horrendous! I have a list of foods that most people will eat and it's on rotation. Sometimes I declare a toast night or DIY night.

A yes this is a pet hate of mine too - it's better not to ask people who answer like that! My mother says "nothing heavy, I'd be happy with a few picky bits 🤢 which not only sounds revolting but leaves me completely unable to meet her vague requirements without going back out to the shops to buy a wider range of ingredients for tapas/ buffet style light options.

My husband will also unhelpfully suggest we eat the leftovers from last night which are invariably enough for a small portion for one or two people when there are going to be five or six adults and adult sozed teens at dinner (and which he could have eaten for lunch instead of making himself something else as he does home office).

When the children were very young and I worked part time, I meal planned and for a while just had 14 meals rotating - money was tighter then and it helped with shopping too.

When the children were young teenagers and pre teen and I worked shifts I did all the shopping and put the meal and what shift I was working on the family calendar and if shirts meant I wasn't going to be home before 6pm whoever was had to cook the meal on the calendar. DH never cooked but he did all the laundry and the children cooked once each per week on average, and me the days I was on earlies or off.

I never managed not to be the one deciding what was for dinner, only managed to do it in advance and have someone else cook!

Only now the kids are grown up and nearly grown up, but some still living at home and one back most weekends, do they sometimes suggest what we could have for dinner and very, very occasionally cook for everyone spontaneously even though I'll be home at a reasonable hour without me saying what should be cooked or asking.

It's definitely mental load stuff - even though it's much better with older teens I am still aware that the only healthy meal a couple of the teenagers eat is the family evening meal, and on the occasional days I just say I'm not organising what the meal is and they should sort themselves out, no vegetables will pass their lips all day. Bit of a fail there despite well over a decade and a half of modelling healthy dinners... Only my eldest (who lives away Monday to Friday) spontaneously plans and cooks healthy, balanced meals.

YANBU

This is the main reason why we get a green chef box delivered every week. Each of the four of us picks a meal and cooks it. Takeaway on a Friday night. Makes my life so much easier and I’m only having to cook once midweek.

Oh god I agree. Worst of all, if I ask my husband he usually says “I don’t mind - just something light.” And I’m like FFS I wish I never asked. Now I still have to think of something myself but now it can’t even be something nice - it has to be a bit shit!!

Yes, it’s unbearable. Finding things that all four of us will eat is nearly impossible. So sick of the same old things on repeat.

I hate this. My kids are both ND with food issues, I’m a lone vegetarian and my husband doesn’t seem to ever know what he wants to eat ever. DS happy eating same 3 meals on repeat but DD seems permanently annoyed at dinner choice (despite never suggesting ideas, offering to help cook, or actually eating the things she claims to want).

I just decide now and make what I want as I'm so over the "don't mind, whatever" responses. Then when DH or DS screw their face up at their plates, I tell them it's tough shit as they apparently "didn't mind".

Love it when adult DD is home though as she has really similar taste in food to me and when asked what she wants, she'll reply with one of the things I cook that she (and I) both love.

I'd just cook whatever I fancy and anyone who doesn't want it knows where the weetabix is.

It should be shared as you have a partner. Keep it simple, jacket potatoes etc

First thing I’m doing when I win the lottery is to employ a butler. They can meal plan, cook, dish up and clean up after. People keep saying being rich doesn’t make you happy. They’re fools - I’d be bloody ecstatic if I didn’t have to do this every day!

We do a menu at the start of the week I will never fill in all the blanks and if they don’t, I put a name to the blank

it’s only me and DH now but he still choses over half the dinners

and it also means that in the day it’s already decided so no last minute panic

This video probably sums it up -

I got fed up with always having to decide and then having everyone whinging.
I sat the kids down and we wrote a list of all the meals that we could cook split into fairly quick and more time consuming. We now use this to create a 2 week plan together. As a bonus DS1 has decided he wants to cook for us more regularly. He still needs a bit of help but is getting more reliable so needs less supervision.
Since we've done this I've not had moaning about meals.

If Inspiration is lacking I do big crispy jacket potatoes and …. Add favourite fillings
I like houmous and crunchy salad
easy 20 minutes prep max

I completely relate to you OP! It is soul destroying to get in and that is the first thing to be asked! Also for me, the ‘don’t minds’ actually did mind !!
I saw an idea online where a Mum had a jar of lolly sticks with meal options written on them and just picked seven a week! I ordered some sticks on Amazon and went fe and use the sticks to plan and then shop. We sometimes swap the days around if needed. A few years in now, but continue as it saves me having to tax my menopausal brain any more and means I can just say ‘look on the plan’ if they ask!!
We added more sticks over time as we find new recipes etc online and now have about 100 I think 😊

This!

I used to ask DH for suggestions and he was either vague or suggested stuff that was very expensive or I'd didn't like.

So now he gets what he is given.

How about if you did all the planning / shopping, but left it to DH to cook it? Cuts down the resentment quite a bit ime.

This used to drive me nuts and I like cooking, so I now get chat GPT to do our meal plan for the week and then a shopping list. I have given it my “rules” around allergies, low UPF, veg at each meal, some vegetarian meals and quick dinners midweek and it does a pretty good job. It’s a small thing, but frees up some headspace.

If you’re cooking don’t ask what everyone wants just cook it!! If they complain put it back on them that they are welcome to take over cooking dinner you will be very happy!!