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Original poster

ASD son's attitude

55 replies

ellie09 · 20/09/2025 20:38

Hi all

I have an 8 yo ASD son whose attitude is becoming really hard to deal with.

I have tried grounding - taking away devices, early bedtime.. It hasn't worked

He gets pocket money and we deduct money for every strike. He gets to £0 and he still doesnt care

We do lots of activities for his interests. He gets everything he could ever want. Yet I still get cheek, kick back and general attitude

What works for kids this age? I am at my wits end

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 20/09/2025 21:14

ellie09 · 20/09/2025 21:13

He does have an attitude! Even though he is ND, I know the difference.

He got right in my face today and said "what are you going to do about it?". I said I would put on the last strike so he has no pocket money, and he said "I don't give a shit"

I take his tablet, electronics away, and he decides to respond by telling me "he doesnt care".

It feels like I am parenting a teen rather than a young child at times.

Show quote history

Don’t parent him like that then. It’s obviously not working. You’re just putting more anxiety and overwhelm on him.

Original poster
ellie09 · 20/09/2025 21:13

ChattyGeePeaTea · 20/09/2025 21:06

What do you mean by "attitude?" Are you telling him he has a "bad attitude" or "don't be cheeky," because those are very abstract concepts. I've got no idea from your post what he is doing and if you're using those terms then he might have very little idea either of what he is doing wrong or or what he should do to change it.

He does have an attitude! Even though he is ND, I know the difference.

He got right in my face today and said "what are you going to do about it?". I said I would put on the last strike so he has no pocket money, and he said "I don't give a shit"

I take his tablet, electronics away, and he decides to respond by telling me "he doesnt care".

It feels like I am parenting a teen rather than a young child at times.

OP posts:
ChattyGeePeaTea · 20/09/2025 21:06

What do you mean by "attitude?" Are you telling him he has a "bad attitude" or "don't be cheeky," because those are very abstract concepts. I've got no idea from your post what he is doing and if you're using those terms then he might have very little idea either of what he is doing wrong or or what he should do to change it.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 20/09/2025 21:00

Why are you treating him as a NT? Normal sanctions and punishments don’t work for ASD. It’s generally anxiety driving his behaviour. Why are you punishing him for this?

Try ignoring everything but the most horrendous and reward the good. And if he’s 8, his emotional development is about age 5 or 6.

GarlicBreadStan · 20/09/2025 20:49

I have a 7 year old son who is not diagnosed but his school and the GP think he's autistic so he's awaiting diagnosis.

One of the biggest mistakes I've made is giving him everything he could ever want. I've started to really pull back on it now. I do still treat him, and he gets pocket money for helping me with things around the house. The more he helps me with, the more money he earns.

My son gives me so much attitude and talks to me awfully even when I buy him something he likes. He does it less when he gets things from the charity shop though (which is where he gets the majority of his toys).

Start buying him things from the charity shop, if you don't already. Give him a set amount to spend every month. Make a chart if you have to (that you can write on and then rub off the writing) showing what he's spent and how much he has left.

And if he kicks off, or has a meltdown, don't give in! You can empathise with his meltdowns while also still holding the same boundaries.

It's bloody hard, and it seems more exhausting to fight about things which is why we give in. But, and I promise I'm saying this out of kindness, you're only making things harder for yourself in the long run if you don't start forming boundaries.

Sending hugs x