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AIBU?

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Original poster

I pushed my 2 year old

36 replies

georgie6 · 20/09/2025 18:40

And I haven’t stopped crying from guilt all day long.

We have a 2 week old DS and a 2 year old DD, 2 week old DS very very different to how DD was as a newborn, cries for hours non stop and just generally won’t settle. DD was quiet and calm and this time around it’s hit me like a ton of bricks. DH and I are exhausted.

We were all getting ready to go out this morning and DS had been crying non stop for around 45 mins despite being fed, cuddled, nappy changed, he was warm enough etc I was changing his bum again on the changing mat on the floor as he’d done a poo and DD started shouting “no baby brother stop crying” over and over, DH told her simply that we don’t shout and explained that he cannot talk like she can so he cries to tell us he is unhappy. She nodded and then 30 seconds later walked over to me cleaning him on the floor and put her hand over his face and pushed down hard shouting no, in a split second I thought she was going to break his nose so I automatically pushed out and shouted “DD NO DO NOT DO THAT”. I didn’t push her hard, enough for her to remove her hand off his face and she fell onto her bum on the rug we were sitting on. She didn’t go flying or anything like that but she looked at me in absolute horror. I burst into tears, she burst into tears. Baby was screeching at this point, it obviously shocked/hurt him.

DH keeps trying to tell me I did the right thing, I had a split second to get her off him before she really hurt him but I am overwhelmed with guilt.

Guilt for pushing her, guilt for ruining our peaceful home by bringing another into it, guilt for not being able to give DS the amount of attention I gave DD as a newborn (I mean I sat and cuddled her pretty much for the entire first 6 weeks), guilt to DS for him being hurt this morning.

Within 5 minutes of explaining that mummy didn’t want to push but needed to quickly get baby brother safe, DD was dancing around with her fairy wings on seemingly unaffected by it.

I just feel like the worst bloody mum in the world right now and nothing DH can say makes me feel any better, I guess I need to hear from other Mum’s that it’s all okay and I’m not as terrible as I feel. I just keep seeing her shocked face and feel so sad that I pushed her.

OP posts:
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Avie29 · 20/09/2025 21:30

Oh wow ive “pushed” my kids so many times to stop them hurting or being hurt, the main one being baby on the changing mat and unsteady toddler tumbling towards them i would rather toddle have a lil push and flop onto their bums than trip and fall on baby, you really did nothing wrong, toddlers fall on their bums allll the time she probably only cried because you did- rather than her being hurt xx

toastwithbutter · 20/09/2025 21:19

You are not terrible!! This happened to me - it will happen to you again, as well. You’re exhausted, cut yourself some slack! Deep breaths. Everyone is fine and you acted with (correct!) instinct! I promise you things get easier. Mine are 4 and 2 now and it is so tough in the early days. Big hugs

Muffinmam · 20/09/2025 21:16

I don’t understand why - if you were all exhausted - that you all had to get dressed and go out?

Why not take turns to have naps??

MCF86 · 20/09/2025 20:52

I'm not sure how to vote- I'm not sure if its YANBU to have pushed in that exact context, or not.

You didn't do anything wrong, it was just a horrible moment all round. Please try not to beat yourself up.

MidnightPatrol · 20/09/2025 20:40

You did nothing wrong, and with a two year old and newborn you need to anticipate many similar scenarios occurring. And having a constantly crying baby will leave anyone at the end of their tether!

She needs to learn how to behave around the newborn. That’s hard for a two year old because they’re impulsive and physical. A bit of a shock is probably a good thing in doing that.

I would say however if she’s getting stressed out by the crying too, maybe removing her from the situation is a good idea. All four of you being wound up is no good.

Nineandahalf · 20/09/2025 20:35

Nobody was hurt. Let it go now. You're doing your best.**

Mwnci123 · 20/09/2025 20:30

I've said IABU, but to be clear- I'm referring to your self-recrimination not the push. You couldn't let the toddler do that to the baby and you needed to react instantly. It's all affecting you more because you're knackered.

ThatNewMoose · 20/09/2025 20:27

Do not worry at all, good mothers are so hard on themselves and it sounds like the chaos at the moment is causing you to be even more critical of yourself. It was a reaction to protect your younger child, nobody got hurt. Be kind to yourself, your doing your best, and you are everything your children need in the world x

JLou08 · 20/09/2025 20:21

You protected the most vulnerable child in the situation. It sounds like your instincts just kicked in to keep your baby safe. There's no harm done. Don't be too hard on yourself about the push or about bringing another baby into the world. You're very, very recently a family a 4. It will take time to adjust but you sound like great parents so I'm sure it will all work out soon.

Wiltingasparagusfern · 20/09/2025 19:45

Newborn babies have very soft skulls at that age.
Were your daughter to put all her weight behind her hand while pressing down on his face a serious injury could have occurred.
Meanwhile your hormones have geared you towards protecting your baby at all costs.
It is a primal, instinctive, automatic. Uncontrollable, for many of us. I’m sure all of us have a story about pushing someone out of the way or lunging in panic during those early weeks.
Give yourself some grace. And also reflect that you may have saved your baby from a serious injury for all you know x

TallulahLikesHoola · 20/09/2025 19:26

Oh @georgie6 am so glad to see all the support you've had already, absolutely agree with pp. You weren't lashing out maliciously
At all.

Springadorable · 20/09/2025 19:23

I've put yabu because this was an appropriate response. Ultimately you need to keep them both safe. She wasn't hurt, and you got her off him. Be warned, it will get worse. So make a plan of what you'll do when she hits or grabs him next time (I mentally prepped picking my child up and moving them away as in the moment I absolutely would have shoved them otherwise).

Didimum · 20/09/2025 19:15

Kindly, you are overreacting (I can see why though). Gosh, I’ve pushed and pulled my twins about a fair amount (they are 7 now). It’s very difficult to keep two young children safe at the same time and you often only have a split second to react.

Original poster
georgie6 · 20/09/2025 19:13

Thank you all so much, it’s really reassuring to read your messages.

DD is getting lots of 1-1 time, she’s been swimming with DH twice this week for example, I took her to the park on our own too as well as doing things as a family (little things like looking at the fish at the garden centre and getting lunch etc).

I can’t believe how much guilt I feel, everyone told me to expect to feel a tiny bit guilty towards eldest until we all settle into a routine but it’s hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have started colief today in his bottles and he’s on anti reflux milk, DD although a very chilled baby had CMPA so I’m on the lookout for this. DD had very different symptoms though, mucus and bloody poos and pushed away milk etc but his poo is normal and he guzzles milk like no tomorrow. If no difference this week I’ll make a GP appt for him, I have the HV visiting on Thursday so will also mention it to her.

I gave DD a cuddle right away and said sorry for pushing but explained why in a brief way “baby brother is so small we mustn’t put our hands on his face and push as it will really hurt him” that kind of thing.

We’ve read a book together and had a cuddle in her bed as normal tonight. She seems to have forgotten about it (I hope). Why is being a mum such an emotional rollercoaster?! Best but hardest thing I’ve ever done.

OP posts:
WobblyBoots · 20/09/2025 19:09

Leopardspota · 20/09/2025 19:04

There’s a difference pushing because of danger and pushing because of anger. I’ve pushed my daughter before when she was about to grab a hot cup of tea I’d accidentally placed in her reach. Totally my fault but it kept everyone safer so not really harm done, she was a bit shocked, but it’s also ok that she knew that wasn’t a good choice to grab my
cup. I’ve also shouted at her to stop when she was running towards a road, and it gave her a real shock as I’m not at all shouty…

you did what you needed to do to keep a newborn safe without hurting your daughter - being pushed out of the way happens all the time with other kids and she wasn’t hurt. She needs to know she can’t put her hands on the baby in that way and obviously you’d not normally push her so a little shock will help her learn the lesson.

Exactly this, you were trying to protect your baby from harm. Your older child was not harmed but just shocked.

Honestly getting used to having multiple kids can be hard and often you have to protect them from eachother!

ShesTheAlbatross · 20/09/2025 19:09

You reacted in the moment to protect your newborn from something that could have really hurt him. It sounds like a situation that did need an immediate response, and ok, in hindsight you could have just removed her hand - but hindsight is always perfect, and you didn’t hurt her.

TheFormidableMrsC · 20/09/2025 19:07

I clicked you are being unreasonable only because you reacted in a split second, I would have done the same. You’re having a hard time and I really empathise as I had a very unsettled baby and it absolutely floors you. Lots of cuddles for both tonight and leave the guilt behind 💐

MargaretThursday · 20/09/2025 19:06

If it's any comfort, I did something similar when dd1 was 3yo. I tripped over dd1 and sent her flying in my haste to stop her picking newborn dd2 up. Dd1 has absolutely no recollection of it at all.

NorthernSk · 20/09/2025 19:05

Aw love what you did was natural, it's not like you got pissed off with DD for making a mess or something like that. You acted instinctively and to protect your newborn.

I suspect that if you weren't feeling so tired and overwhelmed at the moment, you'd recognise that what you did was a proportionate response and that DD won't be scarred for life (or even remember it tomorrow).

I have a 12m old and a just turned 4 year old and still feel guilty that my older DS doesn't have the same amount of attention that he had before DD was born. I am sure it's one of those things that gets easier, especially when they can start to play together and you see the sibling benefit.

Girasolverde · 20/09/2025 19:05

Be kind to yourself. I would have done the same, and still do, if the younger is at risk at 22 months.

Imagine if you hadn't, she might have broken his nose, he might have had to go into the ICU, she'd feel guilty, you'd feel guilty for allowing it to happen. You might even resent her for it.

If you need it, we give you permission to forgive yourself.

Leopardspota · 20/09/2025 19:04

There’s a difference pushing because of danger and pushing because of anger. I’ve pushed my daughter before when she was about to grab a hot cup of tea I’d accidentally placed in her reach. Totally my fault but it kept everyone safer so not really harm done, she was a bit shocked, but it’s also ok that she knew that wasn’t a good choice to grab my
cup. I’ve also shouted at her to stop when she was running towards a road, and it gave her a real shock as I’m not at all shouty…

you did what you needed to do to keep a newborn safe without hurting your daughter - being pushed out of the way happens all the time with other kids and she wasn’t hurt. She needs to know she can’t put her hands on the baby in that way and obviously you’d not normally push her so a little shock will help her learn the lesson.

Hollietree · 20/09/2025 19:04

Ahhhh go easy on yourself. You reacted instinctively in the moment to protect your newborn from harm - what a great protective mama 🥰 Whilst upsetting for your toddler and you, no-one was hurt.

It sounds like you are all exhausted and overwhelmed. Your toddler could do with some 1on1 time with each of her parents, so that she doesn’t feel pushed out by the new baby. Sounds like you need to take baby to see the GP or HV to try understand why he is crying so much. And you need some rest time.

Could hubby take the baby for an hour or two tomorrow so that you can do something lovely with your daughter?

Needspaceforlego · 20/09/2025 18:59

Go easy on yourself.

Can you get a little 121 time with either of them?
Divide an conquer get DH to take on for a bit, then swap over so DD gets a bit of time when she is centre of attention..

Blueoak · 20/09/2025 18:57

I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself. You’re in the trenches at the moment and we’ve all snapped at some point. She’ll be fine just lots of cuddles, maybe have some one to one time where you do her bedtime story or something.
On a purely practical note re: feeling like you’re giving the six weeks of cuddles you gave your first do you have a stretch sling? I wore my youngest constantly for the first couple of months, doing bathtime, cooking etc and he felt cuddled up to me but I could look after my eldest and she didn’t really notice I had a tiny baby asleep strapped to me and saw it as she was getting my attention! Hope you’re ok and congrats on your new arrival.

Quintsharkfishing · 20/09/2025 18:55

I remember the guilt and the pure despair when we had dc2. I was so worried I had ruined the bond with dc1. I cried a lot and got very jealous of DH and dc1 bonding more (she had always been a mummy's girl). Also felt guilt that I was busy doing more things for dc1 rather than purely with dc2.

I started doing some love bombing stuff with her. So very intense one to one time between feeds with dc2. Or is sling dc2 and go and do play doh or something with dc1.

The love bombing eased the guilt and probably helped dc1 feel like it was more 'normal' again and the hormones calmed down and now DC get on so well and DD is still a mummy's girl. It all worked out and it will for you too.

Go easy on yourself.