To say DP should do nights as well as me even tho he works

Abdican, I’m sorry to say, you must teach your 2yr old to drink from a cup as soon as possible. If the child can sip off a spoon, it can sip from a cup. I suggest instead of allowing the afternoon sleep/rest, just teach drinking like adults can, surely child can see everyone else using cups or mugs.
Bin the bottles asap, (I never had a single bottle -lazy, couldn’t be bothered to sterilise etc. 😆 but it worked for 3 children!).

Half the other persons burden?! This would be the care of THEIR children? Why does his work stop when he gets home but the OP is 24hrs a day?

I sound harsh
But I had 3 under 3 and a DH away from home for 2 weeks at a time .
The youngest was 2 weeks old ,and I had a2 year old and a 1 year old and DH went away for work for two weeks ..no family or help ...plus we were home schooling ,so not using childcare
Mine were all in bed by 7 pm ,after bath and stories and a solid supper .
I never had any of these issues,with waking in the night ..they were exhausted by bedtime,as we did crafts ,parks , social groups every day ..
I also only allowed one hour of TV per day .and from 18 months no day time naps.
No bottles at night once on 3 meals a day ..no bottles at all after 12 months .
I needed my evening to myself to be able to cope in the day .
You need a routine with that many children,I have 4 all together.
You can do this

Mine had a sippy cup of water in the cot with them a this age .
The daytime nap needs to go
A solid supper is needed to fill him before bed
He needs a strict routine ,a strict 7 pm bedtime where you read to him every night
Your driving yourself mad
The only positive in all this is at least he's in his own bed
He needs to be worn out in the day physically and mentally to get him to sleep at night .
Stop the day time naps
Is he getting to toddler group every day ,and a park to run round in or is he stuck at home while you clean and tidy and he watches TV .??
He needs to be you priority in the day ,doing playdogh
Going to parks ,seeing animals , meeting friends..not in the house while you clean .
You have people to delegate some of the housework to
Yes it feels like people are shouting at you
Do you actually want help and advice...or just sympathy?
You can do this

I appreciate you sound frustrated but this isn't an issue which will resolve without you biting the bullet and removing the bottles. Yes he may scream and cry and you might have a few days where you're all more tired but that's going to happen no matter when you make this change.

Make sure he's had plenty to eat and give him a sippy cup of water and preserver. It sounds like your other kids are plenty old enough to understand he will be unsettled for a few days.

Yes I agree with @LoremIpsumCici - he needs testing for diabetes.

basically youngest is 2 and he still dont sleep through he wakes up 3 sometimes 4 times a night wanting a bottle

self serve sippy cup of water by his bed at night, why does he have to wake you up if he is thirsty?

also take him to a doctor to test for type 1 diabetes- that level of thirst that wakes up a 2yo that many times a night is not normal. It may be he is asking for a bottle when he really had a bad dream, but just in case…get him checked for diabetes.

you either go cold turkey or you water the bottles down.

why is he having bottles during the day at all? He’s 2 years old not 2 months!!!

He’s 2. Why is he having milk during the day? What are you feeding him?! He sounds hungry!!!

I don’t give a rat’s if it’s a man or a woman at home.

Whoever is working outside the home and earning money shouldn’t then have to come home and pick up half the other partner’s burden. Occasionally, perhaps, but certainly not as a general rule.

I think its fair to get a break. If you stay at home you do expect to do the majority of stuff. But, marriage is meant to be a team that helps each other out. The mn view of marriage seems to be a competition with earning winning. Sometimes in a meaningful partnership you end uo doing more or carrying more because you can. Hopefully at any given point one of you can stand up.

what kind of partner hears someone say something that means 'I'm struggling and feel shit with lack of sleep' and thier response is tough, I earn the money.

He could give you a break one night a week easily. He coukd also give you a 'holiday' or 'sick leave' even if thats just to reset you to let you tackle the bottle issue.

Collect all his bottles in one place so he knows where they are. Get him a little gift you know he wants. Write a note from the bottle elf/fairy/friend saying they’ve taken them for all the babies that need them but has left him a gift. It’s ends I did with my DDs. They loved their fairy cakes and train set and they just accepted the bottles were no more …

At least Friday or Saturday night you should have uninterrupted

Unless he’s a surgeon or his job involves the safety of people then I believe all time outside ‘working hours’ should be evenly split.

Ie. working hours are 8-5
During this time dad does his job, mum does her job (so happens to be raising the kids)
Outside of ‘work time’ everything child and house related should be equally divided and shared as possible, leaning into the persons strengths.

unless he’s a brain surgeon how on earth does he think it’s ok for you to be up 4 times in the night while he sleeps soundly and refuse your request for help. Really feel for you. You’re a team, he needs to start being a team player.

How old are all the children? So there is the 2 year old who wakes and then a teenager of college age, but what about the ones in between? Are they all at school? Does the 2 year old go to nursery? Do they nap during the day?
I think if there is time in the day when all but the 2 year old are home and they nap, then you are being unreasonable and you could try and nap then too. Really it depends on the ages of these children and how involved you need to be.

Not quite the same as being in court for the prosecution is it? As it was also far less demanding when I was working at an Investment Bank selling bonds. In fact it was easy peasy lemon squeezy in comparison.

I take on board you comment however, it’s the OP that is looking after the children all day, driving them around, carrying the toddler up and down stairs, cooking, using household cleaning products, I disagree that a mum with a toddler at home doesn’t need a to be focused and just survive on a lack of sleep!

OP-
your husband needs to do more to help, it’s because of your dedication to looking after the children that he is working,
progressing in his career etc. explain to him now this needs to stop now and you need support! X

Book a couple of days off. Make a plan with your DH. Use those couple of nights to let your two-year-old get over the fact that he can’t be having milk at night. It might take three nights but he’ll get the message eventually. It won’t be doing his teeth any favours so I wouldn’t even put in the blood now and suffer for 2/3nights rather than suffering for another year.

Imagine my surprise to see someone prioritising the husband's employer in a domestic question 😂

To the question you have actually asked, YANBU. If a child is waking up repeatedly every night for ANY reason, his dad should be taking some of the wake ups.

It's not the employer's choice but it is the husband's choice to have 5 kids. He had contraceptive options if he didn't want that many. He should do the night wake ups. And he should also do his job properly. One night a week where he doesn't sleep properly isn't insurmontable, unless he's a pilot or a brain surgeon (in which case he should still do it on his days off).

Hi OP, wanted to send you a huge amount of sympathy. You must be absolutely exhausted. Please ignore the people saying the problem is the bottle, it's very very hard to start a new routine when you're doing it alone and already shattered. My daughter was breastfed on and off until she was 20 months, and was still waking up during the night at age 2. During one holiday when she woke up multiple times every night I became so tired that I started hallucinating; even then, my (now ex) husband refused to help. And we only had one child, I can't imagine how difficult it would be with more. I've since come to understand that this sleep deprivation was a form of control and abuse. Absolutely not saying it's that extreme in your case, but it's impossible to understand how distressing this is if you haven't experienced it. It is incredibly unfair for him to put all of this onto your shoulders; he needs to jointly come up with a plan for how to handle the current situation and what a better one looks like.

Sounds like you need a rethink on a number of fronts, as you are running yourself ragged and it's unsustainable.

That includes the bottles at night, but also the older kids' routines so you don't have to get up so early.

One issue is the school/college run. How far away is school/college? Most kids at my son's secondary school get themselves there, be it walking/cycling/bus/train. That cuts your responsibility down to anyone going to primary school/nursery.

Re morning organisation. Remind them to check their timetables and pack their bags before bed with whatever they'll need for the following day - the earlier they get into the habit the better. If you aren't available to drop things off to them at school they'll have to remember things themselves.

If making breakfast is an issue, ensure there is yoghurt in the fridge or do overnight oats so they can help themselves.

Sounds like your other kids are older ..so basically why are you run ragged
If your two year old naps in the day ,stop the naps
Introduce supper of porridge to fill up your 2 year old ..
And tiere him out physically in the day
This is ridiculous you being this tired ,and ridiculous you getting up at night for a 2 year old
I mean come on ,your not a first time mum ,you have 5 ,this should be water of a ducks back now ..you should be acing motherhood by number 5.
Have you lost your confidence or something?
Because you have raised 4 two year olds ,you know what you are doing