To say DP should do nights as well as me even tho he works

I would get your selfish partner to book time off during half term. You do the nights and he does all day and you resolve the night waking.

He does all the things you do, cooking, clean, park trips, playing, everything. You manage the nights with a firm plan and sleep during the day, even if it's at a relatives, premium inn or something.

Unfortunately you're still left with an arse of a partner who has zero respect for you.

I work full time and DH stays at home with our two year old, I wouldn’t dream of making him do ALL the night waking and early starts with our toddler.
It should definitely be more 50/50 with you and your partner.

Ah. OK. Sounds like you have cracked it.

This is about a 2 year old though, not a little baby. Men can also do other things such as nappy changes if needed, resettling etc.

Some people exclusively breastfeed though so men can't do that.

I see both sides.
Whilst I wouldn't expect him to be up at say 12,2 if he gets up at 545 anyway and there's a wake at 430 (for example) he absolutely should be taking that one and getting up a bit earlier thats what my husband did when I was on mat.

I know it seems hard because you're so tired but you do need to plan it. My child used to wake a lot as a toddler wanting boob 2 or 3 times a night and it was killing me and I only had the one. But one night I just couldn't do it anymore and her cries about boobies didn't move me in the way they had previously.
I took her into our bed, sent the other half to hers and got my kindle out. She obviously kicked off big time and she rolled about furious for near two hours, I gave her the odd pat and made sympathetic noises but just read my book and let her get on with it. When she conked out I did too, and yeah the next day was not very sunshine and rainbows because we were both knackered but she totally turned a corner, the next few nights she still woke but would settle with a few oats or back rubs instead of a whole milk wanting ordeal and then it tailed off and she would only wake if she was ill or teething.
If you wait till half term you could get your other half to let you have Fri/sat to get a good sleep and then you'll be a bit more of an even keel for cold turkey-ing the bottle in the week. The other kids will just have to be grumpy but it's one horrid week or a few more horrid years, and he probably won't stop it'll just transfer from waking and demanding bottles to wanting to watch TV or play or whatever because he will have learned by then that kicking off in the night ends up with him having his demand met.
Good luck anyway with however you go because it's the absolute worst being chronically sleep deprived.

No they aren't. They stay at home and look after the child/children while the other parent works outside the home. At all other times, all the childcare and housework etc should be 50/50 between the 2 parents. Why should the parent who stays home have to work 24/7??

I completely disagree. Pretending a SAHP has the more difficult job is just asinine.

Short term pain for long term gain. Yes you might have a week of him waking up and screaming when you won’t give him a bottle of milk in the night - but you can give him a cuddle, sit by his bed and reassure him etc. Sleep training doesn’t have to be cruel. Tell him that he’s a big boy now and it’s time to cut back the milk in the night. Maybe reduce it to only one bottle allowed in the night and then after a week to no milk in the night.

And then once he knows you mean it ……. Just think how refreshed you’ll feel once he’s sleeping through the night. You could have it cracked within a week or two.

I have two kids, so have experienced night wakes/poor sleep during two maternity leaves and also after returning to work. Getting up and looking after the kids all day after a bad night is infinitely harder than going to work for the day. He should absolutely be sharing the load, and also coming up with a plan to wean your toddler off the bottles. You're both parents, you both signed up for this.

No, often being in a paid job is much easier.

When my DCs were younger I worked compressed hours, so two days home with DCs and three 12 hour shifts to make up hours, and the days home were a piece of piss compared to the days at work.

Sorry had to delete as I completely misread your post, driving whilst sleep deprived has the same affect as being drunk behind the wheel, studies have shown…

I wish ..2 of them diagnosed with autism,age 4 and 7 and me age 50 ..which explains my need for routine to cope ..but it definitely helped them too

Totally get this. Granted, I don't have 5, 0BUT I have an almost 2 year old. He's still breast feeding, and I've been trying to night wean since before last Xmas on and off (no joke), so I get what you mean about screaming the house down.

I finally managed to FULLY night wean 2 or 3 weeks ago and guess what?! He's still waking twice a night, AND he's up for the day at 4.45 (on the dot), although i do try to get him back to sleep till 6.. but fail most days.

So all these people saying just kick the habit, I'm not sure it really does. That's what I was hoping for, but nope!

But in answer to your original question, damn right he should be doing at least SOME of the nights!!!

I have to say I am too! Maybe for a newborn, but once they are two then no honestly.

Your oldest child is in their late teens if they are in college, your others are in school, and your youngest will be starting nursery soon. Being at home with one two year old is nothing like working a full time job. He does need a decent night’s sleep. You can catch up during the day.

No, often being in a paid job is much easier. Coffee breaks/lunch breaks/adult conversation….and respect!

You haven’t answered the question. Are you feeding him properly? What meals is he eating?
He shouldn’t be demanding milk the way he is. It seems he is hungry.

Are all 5 of them boys by any chance?

I don’t believe you’re comparing like with like.

Maybe your children were easier as well.

Preserve with bottle training. Its will take up to a month but you need to break the habit.

Yes dh should help out on Friday and sat if he isn't working

My youngest was a terrible sleeper until she was about 4/5 so I know it’s not always easy and sometimes it is easier to just give them a bottle so they go back to sleep, especially when you’re exhausted.
But yes your DP definitely should be doing at least one night week, and getting up in the morning so you can have one lie in a week too.

When you’re not quite as exhausted you can tackle getting rid of the night time bottles.
We got rid of them by changing to milk in a sippy cup then changed from milk to water.
At 2 he might be ready to drop his nap too, might sleep better at night then because he will be more tired.

He should definitely be helping. My husband used to do any wake ups before midnight and then I would do the rest. I don't work, he does. He's still a parent though!

If you want to switch to water, wait until the school holidays and do it then. Maybe even send some of the older kids out for sleepovers or something the first night so it doesn't ruin the whole following day for everyone. The first couple of nights are awful but it should get easier after that.

Good luck, be kind to yourself and ensure your partner is too!