To say DP should do nights as well as me even tho he works

My youngest woke up hourly until she was 4. My H "couldn't" wake up. He wanted me to wake him so he could help. Eventually, I was suicidal. I threatened to admit myself and file for divorce. Fuck me, he suddenly was able to get up. I still resent him for it. Actually, it's on the long list of selfish and uncaring things he's done.

Your H should absolutely her up in the night. Unless he does a job like surgeon or operating heavy machinery. They are his kids as well. He's not being a good partner and he's also not being a good dad. If your dead on your feet you'll be making mistakes. I was constantly having accidents because I was sleep deprived. Lucky nothing serious.

ETA: Oldest child is being investigated for autism and ADHD. I wouldn't be surprised if youngest also has ADHD.

Assuming most of your kids are in school and you don’t have 5 under 5 to look after I think the kids are your job while he earns the money to keep you all. My eldest didn’t sleep at night more than a couple of hours in a row until he was 3 so I totally understand your exhaustion. Maybe he could do Friday or Saturday night so you get 1 decent sleep a week. It would make such a difference. You should do most of it though. Having been a sahm and a worked full time, you definitely need more sleep and brain power for paid work.

At weekends yes he should help,
during the week, no. I dont think throwing the fact he is the earner in your face was nice of him. Not keen on the way he said that.

Bottle snd Sleep advise: I was in same sitch BF my daughter. woke up 3 to 4 times a night for boob right up until 3 years old. One night I got home late while DP was with her and she fell aslee before i got home, so not BF to sleep for first time ever. She slept the whole night and did every night thereafer. Never BF again. So my advice is last bottle way before bed time or not at all. Yes there might be crying and screaming but hold strong you will thank yourself for it.

Even if one partner works outside the home, parenting is a shared responsibility. The parent at home is working 24/7, often without breaks, sick days, or time off. Just because one person’s workday ends doesn't mean the other’s does too. Helping with night wakings and the children at home isn’t "extra"—it’s part of being an equal parent. Sharing the load shows respect for the work that happens at home.
Does he help when he gets in from work and before work and just not at night?
Everyone's piling on in this thread about the night milk feeds, which you don't need as you sound like you're just trying to get by (you got this! 💪🏼), but with regards to changing this, it needs to be a challenge both of you tackle.

Do you think female surgeons don't do night feeds? Of course they do. If they manage it, why can't male surgeons?

To be fair, although I'm not on the op's page, if you have a child who wants or needs feeds and milk in the night, it's not so simple to go cold turkey. DD was the same and looking back it was an early manifestation of her GAD. She manages it well at 26 and having had huge support but it was there and there were signs.

He should do stuff at weekends and in the evenings. Nobody is saying he shouldn’t have to lift a finger after 5pm. He could definitely do bedtimes to give OP a break to rest (I am assuming the 17 year old does not need “putting to bed”, though given they apparently still need their school bag packing for them that’s not a certainty). He could also get up overnight on Friday and Saturday night to let OP catch up on her sleep.

I just don’t think he should be up four times a night when he has work the next day. I don’t think OP should be up that much with a two year old either tbh. She is making a rod for her own back. But at least she has the option of a nap during the day when her toddler is napping.

How you are expected to do everything for 5 kids, around the clock

Who is expecting her to do everything? She shouldn't be doing everything for five kids. The 16yo, and any others of secondary age, should be getting themselves up and ready and getting themselves to school or college and generally taking increasing responsibiity for themselves. Even younger ones can get themselves dressed, tidy up after themselves.

start watering the milk down with more water and less milk night before night so he doesn’t notice the sudden change to water and maybe giving him less volume rather than going cold turkey?

I don't know. There's some jobs where sleep is absolutely critical in the name of safety. I wouldn't want a surgeon who's been up half the night operating on me for example? Or someone who drives for a living or operates heavy machinery. Not everyone works a desk job.

Just wanted to sent virtual hugs as so many posters are being a bit horrible.
I don’t think you need to “step up” or “go to parenting lessons” or justify why your children exist. The exist now, you are the only one stepping up for the kids, and you have been forced into survival mode. Nothing else really matters that this point.
How you are expected to do everything for 5 kids, around the clock, with very little sleep, and do it perfectly or it’s all your fault, is beyond me. You are a person, not a robot!
I do have a few less than charitable opinions on the “man” of the house and his running off to his mummy. What a bellend.
If it’s too hard for him to cope with his own children for a few hours after work before his night of uninterrupted sleep then how can he expect you to be doing it all alone around the clock??
Make it make seeeeeeense?

Bottles stop at a year old as they cause tooth decay and sticky out teeth. Think you need parenting lessons so that you learn how to cope with life.

Go cold turkey from Friday night - no more milk in bottles just water and if he screams just ignore and tell to go to sleep. The other kids can have a nap during the day if they are that’ll tired from being disturbed by the 2 year old who’s holding the entire household hostage it seems! If you make a big effort and just do it at the weekend and then sleep during the day if you can to catch up on sleep then by Monday the habit should be stopped. Stop just giving in because he screams!!! He literally has you over barrel and won’t be getting enough sleep himself because he’s waking up so often! First time offer bottle of water. 2nd time you say no firmly and go to sleep. And repeat

Also your boyfriend sounds pathetic.

No advice but your post has made me sure I never want 5 kids…..

reality is even if you were both surgeons and working, you would need to share the night shifts so I guess he can’t really use work as the reason for not getting up. However, if you have the opportunity to catch up on sleep during the day, you should do

It’s a means to an end

stop the bottles of milk. Give water

they will stop waking /screaming in less then a week if you persevere

yes the first few nights will be hard /tiring

put white noise on in other kids rooms or ear plugs

what age are the 5 kids

so we have a 2 and 16/17 and 3 in the middle

can you nap daytime when 2yr does

You have had four other kids, be a parent and push through the screaming. Your 2 year old doesn’t need a bottle, talk to him in the day and then FOLLOW THROUGH at night. Water only. Of course it will be a painful few nights. Maybe a week, but the reward is better sleep for the whole family.

I was a SAHP. I did all the night wakings except in the very early days. At weekends we got one lie in each.
The bigger issue is the milk feeds. Drop these and your little one will slowly develop the ability to last longer without a feed.

But its a piece of piss. Easy to give her a short nap as she is struggling.

I mean its so easy, her husband who is supposed to love her, could probably do it.

@fearfulsaints mpst of us are back working 50 hour weeks!

Well maybe the people who found it a breeze and easy coukd pop over and help op for an hour or two as she needs a rest.

Same, I worked 3 days a week until DS started school, and we had lovely days off together! Far more relaxing than a ten hour shift as a doctor. And yes I did do all the housework in my days off, just as I do most of it now when ai am full time.

Sort of disagree…my point of reference is mat leave but after a point I tended to do most night get ups as DH was the who had to go to work. Weekends he would largely do Friday and Saturday night.

Completely agree.