To say DP should do nights as well as me even tho he works

if he's two move him into a big boy bed and tell him big boys don't need bottles at night. Well it might work for you, it did for me with youngest who was similar at that age.

Sorry, the 80s called they want their attitudes back.

Its his kid too, he should be helping at night.

That’s not what I said. If a man goes out to work while his partner stays at home with the DC, then it’s not unreasonable that he should be allowed to sleep on weekday nights. As a SAHM, you can have a snooze when the baby’s asleep, or droop in front of the telly of an afternoon. As to whether or not he helps in the evenings, that rather depends on what time he gets home. Yes, motherhood is relentless and unending, but a SAHM can take down time during the day, and of course it’s reasonable that the man should help out with the DC at weekends.

Some posters being well harsh

I had boys
Sippy cup and a cuddle. They were furious. Slapped away the sippy cup lol how dare you give me water lol. They're much bigger now and eating me out of house and home 🤦🏻‍♀️
Sleep deprivation is torturous. I'm assuming your partner has days off. He can give you a break. Tell him to deal with little one for one night while you get some sleep. Tell him to stop being an arse while you sort this out.
I remember being so dog tired I forgot to do the seat belt on the little one. At that point I thought right, that's it. This is getting ridiculous. It was loud for a night or two but kids catch on quick.
Like you said, plenty fresh air, activities, swimming, park in a puddle suit. Wear him out. Sippy cup water at night. Big breakfast. You've got this.

When my DD wanted to get hers off their dummies, they had a little ceremony where they put them in a bag for the fairies to come and collect as new babies needed them and they were too grown up now to have them. Can you do something similar with his bottles? Say that the babies need them, he's a big boy now and put them all out so he knows he doesn't have them any more. Then leave a sippy cup of water by his bed so he has a drink - and don't crack. It may take a few nights of tantrums but short term pain = long term gain. Sleep deprivation is used as torture for good reason - you all need to be rested the next day whatever your age.

I really don't want to sound harsh but you've created this problem, why should your DH be impacted by it?

A 2 year old waking up for feeds is mental. I have 4 of my own so I get that it's hard but you do sometimes just have to step up, be firm and parent.

You need to sleep train. Even if he screams the house down. There is no version where he doesn't disturb the others, it's too late for that now, that ship sailed a year ago. You're just going to have to suck it up for a few nights while you get him caught up to where he should be.

What?? So the man gets to work 8 hours a day or whatever his contract states and have evenings and weekends off… hee job is the kids.. so in your eyes hee job is 24 hours a day with no time off EVER?? Sounds healthy!!

So OPs husband has set working hours , but because OP is a sahm then she should just be available 24/7.

There was an article posted a few years ago about how much it would cost to replace a sahm mum. With cooking, cleaning, childcare and general running around, I think it was close to £100k . OP is working, just at home.

I feel for you getting all of the attacks about the bottles. If you're dead on your feet it DOES feel impossible. I do think that you should get your partner to at least do the weekend wake ups. However it seems like he is stuck in a relatively typical, for some men, idea that he's the breadwinner and you do the wakeups etc. And actually I'm not even sure that particularly accurate as both my friend and I have dads who are in their late 70s and were of a generation where the man went to work and the woman stayed home, and we both clearly remember our dads being very hands on and my mum openly admits he helped out during the night. So woman have been screwed over yet again by this twisted narrative... but anyway. Before this I expect dads were less hands on but its like it improved and then, for some men, regressed.

I think you need to make it clear to your partner that your work has avalue and that he can only go to work because of the fact you are doing everything else. Also, for most people, their job can be done tired quite easily. If you're home all day with a child/ren, you're literally responsible for another person/peoples lives,which surely needs more sleep. Again, we've been screwed over.

Anyway. Patriarchy rant aside, I think k the key is getting your partnerto understand first so they appreciate you need a rest, then when you're rested you can tackle the bottles.

My husband worked while I was on maternity leave so we did the following;
I went to bed at 8 and slept till about 2. He did 12mn feed and then came to bed.
Going to bed at at 8 will get you over the sleep deprivation threat and it's not forever. However. Stop reinforcing your 2 year old ridiculous demands. Get your partner to take a weeks leave if necessary and work together to get on top of it. Good supper in tots tum before bed and after that...no messing. Good luck.

I feel your main question was ignored/derailed by the whole bottle debate

For me, the pertinent questions are, how old are the other 4 kids? And what do you do throughout the day? Does the 2yo go to nursery at all etc?

I’d try watering the milk down progressively over a few nights so it gets weaker and weaker. Dd2 was bad for wanting milk in the night and this is how I weaned her off it. It worked quite quickly went on to water which I then would just leave in bed with her

Take the bottle away day and night, use the supernanny, back in bed techniques, hopefully after a few nights, He'll stop wanting a bottle.
In the meantime your DH should definitely do a weekend night.

A two year old doesn't need a bottle at all surely! Should be eating well and drinking out of cups!! Maybe more food?

No he shouldn’t be doing any of the nights but he should be helping in the evenings.

Your DP should definitely be looking after his own toddler. But I can’t talk because mine woke up until 3 yrs for a cuddle!
I gave up BF when she was 2 yrs old.
What stopped the waking for me was my DH going to give the cuddle/hug. After 3 nights of DH she gave up and started sleeping!
DH refused to get in her toddler bed with her!! Yes I was a mug!

Firstly, do not underestimate your own contribution to your family and the life you are building together, you have contributed emotionally, practically, and financially in ways that are not always visible on paper.

You both chose to have children, and raising them is a shared commitment. Just as he contribute financially, you contribute emotionally, physically, and mentally every hour of the day. Nights shouldn’t be an exception. Looking after five children, including a bottle-fed baby, is more than a full-time job. There’s no clocking out, no lunch breaks, no weekends. You are working around the clock, and you need rest too.

If you are constantly exhausted, you can’t be the attentive, patient, and safe caregiver your children need. Sharing night duties—even occasionally—helps you recharge and be a better parent during the day.

Feeding and soothing children at night isn’t just a mother’s job—it’s a parent’s job. Your involvement strengthens your bond with the baby and shows your children that both parents are equally invested.

When Dad refuses to help, it makes you feel alone and undervalued. You need to know you’re in this together—not just financially, but emotionally and practically.

This pace isn’t sustainable. If you burn out, it affects everyone—you, the kids, and even Dad. Sharing the load now prevents bigger problems later.

You could also suggest practical compromises, like alternating night shifts, taking over on weekends, or helping with early morning routines. The goal isn’t to win an argument—it’s to foster empathy, teamwork, and mutual respect.

Your unpaid labour—childcare, housekeeping etc—is real work which he would have to cover if you were not around. He works, lets say 40hrs a week because he can. You looking after the kids and home is foundational, he could not work without you in place at home. But where as he works 40 hrs a week, he expects you to be available to work 24/7 - rubbish!

Think of it another way. If you were both going out to work, you would have to cover childcare fees from your joint wages and takes turns with overnight child care. You are choosing to work at home by way of being a mum and a house keeper and whilst you don't get a wage, its offset by the childcare you don't have to pay for...but he still needs to help with overnight child care as you can't work 24/7

We had a problem with sleeping through. The Doctor said, leave safe toys in the cot plus a drink, and leave him to play [night light left as well]. He said you'll still wake up, but stay put and get bodily rest. The phase didn't last that long, and he eventually slept through. It sounds like someone is feeling lonely. The other thing that did help, was playing soft music. A slightly weighted blanket may provide the comfort he wants.

And she can only be a stay at home mum, because he goes out to work. See, it goes both ways.

If she doesn’t like it she can try being a single mum and se how that goes (not very well, I’d guess)

The answer is he should help with night feeds fri/sat (assuming he works mon-Fri) and do more when he gets home during the week (if he does indeed just sit and watch tv, which I find a little hard to believe in a household with 5 kids in it).

@Abdican try watering down the milk a tiny bit, or using semi skimmed (Im only suggesting that because I assume he eats well otherwise and so milk isnt his main source of nutrients), I found this helped when mine kept looking for bottles for comfort. Then we moved onto a sippy cup that he chose himself, and an anyway up type cup for nighttime which didnt provide as much comfort and so was easier to wean off then. It's really tough, but well worth it once you do it. Maybe get everything you need and be ready to do it during halloween midterm break so not so much of a worry about waking the others.

Dh sounds like a plonker, but I dont feel digging your heels in atm is the best way to get you through to a stage where you're all sleeping better, as he obviously doesn't think it is his 'job' to help out

I’m glad my DH isn’t the type of delicate little flower who couldn’t possibly share in the tending of his own children during the night.
“Better we are both tired than one is exhausted” - we did every other night from the start, paid work or no.

Per the OP - the man sitting on his arse watching the tv every night while OP keeps working before being up every few hours through the night. He’s expecting her to do it all.
Fine and dandy to say what the kids should and shouldn’t need or be doing but who is the person ultimately responsible for teaching/training/guiding them? OP of course! Who else? Certainly not the man with his paid work who needs his “me time” of an evening.

I had a friend whose HV suggested moving over to water in the bottle. Child was still waking at night at 4 for the bottle of water if she couldn't find it.

So many trashbag comments. Yes, he should be helping. Either by splitting the nights (so he does the first two wakes, you do the next two) or by doing all the night wakes at the weekend.

Hope you get some sleep, OP!

Very unnecessary and irrelevant comment