Being shouted at over the washing

Poor little man not being worshipped. Of course he’s going mad

JFC 🙄

What would happen if you left the pyjamas?

Not saying you should, he is being petty and illogical and agree with you fully.

But is he doing bedtimes etc? Would he be the one getting the kids ready for bed and suddenly realising there are no clean pyjamas? Because if he isn't involved he should be, it might make him more on top of things. I somehow doubt he'll change though.

Imagine if someone posted on here

My kid is having accidents, is it ok to just leave the clothes/sheets in the basket for a few days before washing them?

Unless it's a man. Then there's always someone to defend them.

Doing just the kids’ washing is - frankly - stupid. Surely he doesn’t do a separate wash for say 3 tiny pairs of pissy pants whilst there’s a big basket of your clothes, towels and bedding etc that’s not done? What a waste of water and electricity.

The person who washes can do all the washing. 🤷‍♀️

So if YOU then do the kids laundry it's implying he is not doing it properly,

He's not doing it properly though is he?

Surely it's not usual to just stick wee soaked clothes in the laundry basket or next to the machine for days?

OP, I am speechless wth your husband's behaviour.

I think you know what you need to do.

What are you in about? Why is it “controlling” to wash some dirty smelly pyjamas? Leaving them would be kind of gross. Asking him to wash them would likely provoke another tirade. OP is stuffed either way. He’s being a complete knob about this, huge overreaction on his part.

Shouting is never on....I bet more happens.
Who decided him doing washing once a week was enough of a share
....not help your partners? What else does he do....cook, shop, hoover etc,?

Op, currently 93% of us are agreeing with you that you are NOT being unreasonable. I hope you can draw some strength from this thread and use it to bolster your confidence back up and end this horrible relationship. Don’t let the shame or guilt he is causing hold you down, you have nothing to be ashamed or feel guilty about.

Run, OP. Get out, get out, get out.

He's abusive and horrible. Your children are in the middle of this and it's not fair on them.

Why are you staying? Can you afford to leave? If so, you must do so asap.

How could you think this is unreasonable? He sounds like an insufferable tool.

I think you sound like the controlling one and it's driving him a bit mad. By all means tell him when it smells like piss, but he clearly doesn't wash the washing mixed up together. I also hate separating it all out which may be why I'm more inclined to his view.

Do your kids (and yourself) a favour and start making plans to leave him. He is an abusive arsehole and things will not improve.

He is abusing you.
Your kids are seeing this.
I wonder if all the accidents your youngest is having partly relates to the poor child's home environment?
Please leave this terrible man before its ingrained in your children that this is how men should behave & that women should accept it.
Stop the cycle of abuse now.

Witnessing this relationship dynamic is more damaging for your children in the long term than having parents who ares separated. They’re learning it’s acceptable for someone to shout at a partner for ten minutes. They’re learning that couples don’t share genuine affection and instead having constant tension. They’re learning that it’s normal for adult men to sulk and game for five hours presumably leaving their partner to pick up all parenting duties in the meantime.

If you want them to be in better relationships than this themselves as adults then you owe it to them not to continue exposing them to this relationship dynamic.

Wouldn’t you be gutted if they ended up in a relationship just like this and you saw them get shouted at for ten minutes in front of their own kids?

He's not really doing it though is he if he's leaving urine soaked fabrics in the basket for days at a time. That's not reasonable by any standards. Not even in petty, his job standards. He's picked a self-righteous pattern of behaviour as if he's got the world on his shoulders when in actual fact this is his ONE job and he's not doing it.

Isn't it the point that you cannot stand smelling urine soaked clothes but he's oblivious to it, so he is taking it that his standards are too low. Which they are.

The fact is that he isn't doing the washing at the appropriate time.

He sounds controlling and won't change. Can you put up with it, because there doesn't seem much joy in your relationship?

I would lay good money on him deliberately wrecking the OPs clothes to be spiteful.

Did you miss the bit where he ranted at her for 10 minutes? He’s ( yet another) abusive arsehole

He is doing this (not being on top of the washing, leaving pissy clothes around the house and allowing the situation to get to the point where kids have no clean stuff) to make you say "ok, I will do it" - and then next time he is told he does nothing around the house he will say "i wanted to do it and you stopped me".

You need to shout at him. He needs to grow up and do washing as and when it is required, for everyone in the house. Pick up dirty things, check if kids have no clean clothes, not let pissy stuff fester. He is a grown up, he doesn't need an allocation of duties like a child. He is capable of cleaning the house, of seeing when stuff needs doing and when it needs to be put in the washing machine - yours, kids, whatever. Same with vacuuming and washing up. He is an adult and an equal partner. Not a child or a roommate.

Fucking hate reading about so called "husbands" still expecting to be treated like a special superior beings not capable of cooking, cleaning and child rearing. I bet if you split up he would want 50/50 - and would turn out to be perfectly capable of doing all household chores by himself.

Well he’s quite the abusive prick isn’t he?

You wanted him to do more, so he is doing the kids laundry.

So if YOU then do the kids laundry it's implying he is not doing it properly, so although 10 minutes of being yelled at is ridiculous and out of proportion, I think he was right to feel annoyed.

You should have just said "I'm doing my own washing, do you want me to put X's pyjamas in with my stuff?". He can then say yes or no. If he says no, then let him deal with it. If they run out of clothes, again let him deal with it.

It's almost like you're helicopter parenting him. People learn through failure, so if the kids run out of clothes and his "system" has failed, then he will have to adjust his system.

He needs to do all the washing, not just the kids’.

Now this is a totally different kind of update. Not buying coffee because once you said it’s very sweet is way OTT.

I think you have a bigger problem than laundry. Nobody gets upset over their boring chore taken care by their partner unless their are deeper issues.
From this incident, it seems to me there is lack of respectful communication. You both have resentment and one of you is acting passive aggressive and other aggressive.

Regarding chores, can you divide washing as one day you do it, next time he does it, rather than based on whose laundry it is?