Being shouted at over the washing

Also, you don't actually need a logical reason to end this relationship. You being unhappy with no sign of anything changing is enough. An unhappy mummy is rarely going to be good for the kids. And if you tolerate this kind of unhappiness, your kids will learn to tolerate it too in the future...

The laundry might just be the tip of the iceberg. Send up a mental flat to yourself right now that this incident has made you feel this way. If the 2 of you then quickly went on to have an open and humourous conversation about it all, then you might have a chance. But if not, then I'm sorry but the resentment and poor/misinterpreted communications are likely to increase and worsen. I speak from experience unfortunately.

Yes of course he is the issue.

But sometimes going silent enrages people more.

Totally.
He is behaving like a 6 yo child op.

it’s time to start making plans to leave him.

I couldn't be doing with task allocation. Both adults in the house should be able to see what needs done and just do it.

It is so bloody obvious if the vacuum needs run around, dishes need done, laundry is piling up or needs put away, dusting, or if its your turn to cook dinner. It is not a lot to expect your partner to think ah, pinktize is out at Tesco with ds getting some groceries in for all our benefit, I'll look and see what needs done while she is out..........

And no one would be shouting at me for 10 bloody mins!

You need to work out how to communicate with each other respectfully, even if that needs outside professional support, otherwise what is the point.

I couldn't live like this. Madness

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable and you should have to do this, but could you rinse them out? That way he could still wash them but they won’t stink the kitchen out in the meantime.

He’s a dickhead though. He’s probably looking for any excuse to get out of doing the washing and he’s hoping to upset you enough that you’ll just say you’ll do it. X

When I went back to work my DH said he would take on the laundry, as I do all the cooking (would prefer it the other way round, as I hate cooking, but he's not comfortable with cooking,

Perhaps you should take turns until he gets "comfortable"?

Sometimes getting out of the habit of point scoring and being thankful/showing gratitude to each other for the smallest of things is a good starting point.

I can’t get my head around why you both wouldn't just put whatever/whoever’s washing on as you go along. Surely you’re all part of the same team. It’s crackers to split it like this.
That level of shouting is awful. Sounds like lots of point scoring going on. Is there ever any fun/silliness in your lives?

Sorry you’re having such a tough time.x

Reading between the lines of your post, I'd say there's a communication problem between you both, washing aside. I'm older than you and couples who don't learn to navigate conflict without shouting and berating the other partner, generally split up. I'd either go for marriage counselling if you think there is an issue there, or accept you are in for this and it will likely only get worse. Sorry OP.

I have never understood all living in the same house and each doing their own washing.
But that is besides the point, he chose this job he needs to do it properly he can’t be laving wet pjs hanging about. He wants you to say fine! I’ll do it.
Berating you for ten mins is absolutely not on.

He isn’t remotely highly sensitive. He’s a fucking humongous arsehole!

You can’t carry on living like this. You must make urgent plans to separate for your own sake and the kids too.

(All the posters telling you you’re wrong are most probably male, so feel free to ignore them.)

You both need to grow up! If you are putting your washing on then put everyone’s else’s on too. This is ridiculous. He should be helping too but not being so precise about it!

The bloke sounds like a complete knob end on many levels. Shouting at you for 10 minutes? He wouldn't have even got to three with me.
Shut the door behind you Joe

I think you need to revisit your decision to split up and actually go through with it this time?

How does asking someone to help more around the house equate to this insane behaviour?

Christ on a bike do yourself a favour and dump him. He's bringing nothing but misery to your life. Release him back into the wild where he can control his laundry and shout at the squirrels.

Dear @Pinktize take a deep breath but respectfully your marriage is over. Your husband hold you in contempt and for your mental health and well being and that of your children you need to leave. It is at that stage.

Don’t say anything to him yet as he is abusive and leaving is a dangerous time. On Monday phone around some solicitors many will do telephone consultations if you prefer or take some time of work and go to their offices.

You can do this and make a happier home for your children.

Good luck OP.

I do find it annoying when my OH washes shared things (we each wash our own clothes, I normally wash the shared stuff like hand towels, bathmat, kitchen towels etc) because we have limited drying space, so I'll have got it all clear ready to wash bed sheets, then all of a sudden he'll decide to wash the towels I'd planned to do the next day, and filled all the drying space so I don't have room to hang out the sheets.

But I don't shout at him for it, and nothing in our house has urine on it so no washing is urgent.

Did you actually read my post or did you mean to quote someone else?

I made it very clear that the screaming at her for 10 minutes was ridiculous and totally out of proportion and not nice. Obviously that is a MASSIVE issue.

What a horrible man he is.
Why are you letting your children grow up in a home like that and why are you letting yourself be spoken to like that?

I agree.

A family member who is, shall we say "awkward" shouted at me last Christmas over a triviality when they were a guest staying in my house.

He has been told he is no longer welcome. Hell will freeze over before he gets another invite.🙄

He wants you to say "fine, I will do it from now on".
Then he is off the hook, and back to not pulling his weight.

This is ridiculous. When I went back to work my DH said he would take on the laundry, as I do all the cooking (would prefer it the other way round, as I hate cooking, but he's not comfortable with cooking, so I haven't pushed it). No "I am only doing the kids' washing", he does it all. Sometimes he doesn't do it the way I would, but I suck it up. If I see a pile of unfolded laundry or need something washing, and I have the time, I do it and he's grateful. Your situation sounds frankly crazy, and I bet you are still doing the lion's share of everything else.

My DH isn’t naturally a domestic god and we run our house in a similar way to you guys with assigned tasks (based on the fair play book) so I get your process but your DH’s response is nuts to me. We lean in for each other where needed and communicate what needs to happen eg. I do laundry but if something was super dirty and I couldn’t get to it, I’d ask him to pop a wash on and he would. Shouting at length about you leaning in is completely unacceptable.

To me it doesn’t seem like he wants to be a team like a marriage should be, he just wants to do the bare minimum so you haven’t got enough reason to complain. Washing is an easy chore anyway, especially if you don’t do everyone’s so he should be picking up more and working with you to keep everything on track.