For refusing DS to stay at his mate’s after missing curfew again??

So a near adult doesn't get any say?

That seems more reasonable than what the other poster suggested

As my mum used to say “whilst you live under my roof, you live by my rules”

I think what you’ve set is more than reasonable

So he's old enough to "go and support himself somewhere else" but not old enough to have adult rules in the house????

I would say that if a 16 year old is complaining about a rule and finding it hard to stick to then it's time to look at WHY you have that rule and whether it's necessary and trying to explain both sides...

I'm so glad my parents didn't have this bizarre, authoritarian view.

My friends parents were authoritarian like this. ‘If you don’t like it leave’ types. She left home at 17 and the relationship never recovered.

He’s 16 not 6. Imagine having an 11pm curfew - he must be a laughing stock amongst his friends.

You’re going the right way about pushing him away that’s for sure. At that age I could do what I wanted as long as my parents knew where I was and it was safe.

Children don’t get to dictate the rules! Parents do. What his parents say goes no matter how unreasonable he thinks it is. Don’t like it then he can go and support himself somewhere else.
utterly absurd to think that it’s ok for kids to be out at all hours with no thought of the consequences or keeping their parents informed of where they are.

So if a child doesn’t follow the rules they are given and do what they want regardless of what a parents asks, your answer would be to not give them any rules and allow them to do what they want, it gives you an easy life and child doesn’t have to worry about following rules? I’m not sure that’s great parenting but you do you

It might help if she drops it.

But his mum wants to give him a curfew so that doesn’t really help.

I’m astounded the amount of people that think 16 year olds can stay out all night and do as they please. They are still in education, not yet an adult and still a child. A lot of slack parenting tbh

Yes I know. As I said I would remove this problem by not issuing a curfew.

Weekend or not his mum gave him a cufew, he stayed out past it so yes he is running late.

I'd say if it's the weekend then he isn't 'running late' as he doesn't have any other commitments.

I think 16 is old enough to come and go as you please on Friday and Saturday nights. Yes, he should text her to say what he's up to and roughly when he'll be back.

I'm astounded anyone thinks 10pm and 11pm are unreasonable for a 16 year old. If I'd wanted to stay out that late I'd have needed a damn good reason for it, and I some how managed to survive that and have a good relationship with my parents.

@Londonmummy66. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I left school at 16 and started working full time a couple of months later. From the day I began work, commuted into London every day, and started to make a financial contribution to the house, I didn’t expect to be given any curfew or to be told when I could or couldn’t come home. I always had the courtesy to let my parents know roughly where I was going and when I expected to be home, and I used to ring if I was going to be much later. I didn’t impose any strict curfews on my daughter when she was 16, although I usually collected her if she was coming home late because none of her friends lived locally so she was always travelling alone.

But surely he should have the respect to let his mum know he’s running late? He has a curfew because he’s only 16.

I agree that a lot of people have lost sight of what is reasonable behaviour for a 16 year old. When I turned 16 a lot of my friends went to work full time. Some of them got their own places shortly afterwards. There was no curfew at all then!!! Nowadays we get threads on MN asking if it is safe for someone to let their 15 year old NT child get a bus with their friends to spend Saturday aftenoon in a shopping centre. No wonder employers are complaining that young people lack resilience.

Oh god, I hope my 17 year old DS never learns of this!!
He’s ADHD to the max and would be going round the world in 80 days on a whim 😂

To be honest judging by a lot of the posts on here a significant portion of parents have completely lost sight of what is reasonable behaviour from their children. And frankly the vast majority of kids I have seen out and about confirms it.
There is absolutely no reason whatsoever that teenagers should be out wandering about at 11pm. If there is a specific event or activity going on that they wish to attend then sure. But regularly being out late at night is just irresponsible and asking for them to find themselves in trouble.
Yes they need to be given an increasing amount of responsibility as they get older. But that needs to be inline with what is reasonable and responsible. And there needs to be clear consequences for not sticking to the rules. Being late repeatedly for their curfew should not be rewarded with an extension of the curfew. If anything the opposite should happen.

Not necessarily 1 as such but could be past 12. Parties at her friends’ houses. I think that’s pretty normal? Not often but occasionally.

She did get all 9s in her GCSEs so I don’t think we have a problem!

Agreed!

I also think you have to 'police by consent' at that age.

I used to go to goth clubs in the late 80s, aged 16, & lurch in plastered from the night bus at 4am Sunday morning. I'm sure my parents were worried sick.

But I was spending my own earnings from my Saturday job. & my best mate had rebelled against her parents & moved out to shack up with a 30 year old biker, so they preferred me coming home late to the sort of 'fuck you' I'd have delivered if they'd tried to curfew me.

I was attending a very naice girls' grammar & got excellent A Levels.

Sometimes, you need to pick your battles.

(& I'm the first to admit that it's easy for me to say - all three of my dcs' idea of a wild night out is 3 beers on a beach holiday ).