For refusing DS to stay at his mate’s after missing curfew again??

Well, we’ll have to agree to disagree that this is “extreme”. I must say, when I’m out and about in my part of London at night, it’s unusual to see teens out. Rightly or wrongly. Plenty out and about in the day, of course.

And, as I said, it wasn’t my norm in the 80s either, in a very different part of London, nor DH’s in a different city. I managed to navigate uni and adult life fairly well!

Interesting. In my experience it’s the parents of black and Asian kids who are far more strict, especially with the girls. And DD’s mainly out with just girls these days, and none of us are that keen on our daughters roaming around inner London at night. And as I said, she just doesn’t want to. And as neither DH nor I did in our day, it hasn’t occurred to me that this is something odd.

Food for thought!

“That's not a new place. It's been open years” @BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind - sadly I do not get out much these days, unlike the teens and young adults in our wider family. Perfectly happy with a nice afternoon tea and a show. My rave days at Fabric and the like are definitely a thing of the past!

@Ddakji - my DD always goes in a group and has close friends who are boys who look out for them. Yes, they travel on public transport through London. There is a mix of white and Asian and black, as you would expect and mixed race. That reflects the diversity of the City itself.

Unless you live in Gotham City, it is very extreme for a 15 year old not to be allowed out at night. DS1 was out playing football, at friends’ houses or at the cinema from 12 or 13.

There is a huge issue with young adults lacking independence and the ability to make decisions on their own. It’s not hard to see why looking at this thread.

Thanks to those who’ve answered me on what kids are doing till 11 at night. Are these all boys? Are the kids travelling on public transport? Is this in a city? Are all these kids white?

We don’t allow DD (15) out at night unless with us and as she’s experienced London at night with all the fun of navigating drunks etc she really doesn’t like being out at night/when it’s dark. She does the things listed in the afternoons, though not every weekend. No house parties (not something in her friendship group).

Maybe it’s because they’re girls, in London, some of whom are not white, and she’s at a not-that-local private school that this isn’t her norm. Some parents are much stricter than we are - I’m fairly OK with DD roaming across London during the day as long as she keeps me vaguely posted and is home by dark.

“Extremely” seems a bit extreme.

That's not a new place. It's been open years

In our family all the generations have one. It's just sensible...

It is extremely early for a weekend.

The fake IDs are still around according to DD, just much more sophisticated. She claims she knows lots of kids with fake IDs. Or often they look like an older sibling and just use theirs. Some kids are still pulling tricks, just like they did in the 90s.

The scariest thing right now is the stamp spiking in bars and clubs. I do not know how prevalent it is, but some teens are quite scared of it, so I think having a safe friendship group who looks out for each other and travelling home together safely is more important than curfews.

@Ddakji I think this depends where you live doesnt it. Even my 14 year old likes hanging out til as late as he can at the local floodlit football cage.

I hope by 16 he would be able to go to youth clubs or maybe music nights

I live in a city with a lot of live music and there are sometimes gigs for under 18s at the youth club.

I think sadly it is harder now - when I was that age in the 90s we had a fake id made of cardboard and went to clubs all over london! It was just totally normal from about 15 up.

We’ve never been big on curfews either. It’s a case by case basis. We wouldn’t allow hanging round town aimlessly let alone late at night but if it’s a decent plan and they clear
about what they are doing i wouldn’t get hung up on timing.

Do think some parents rather enjoy the power they wield over their late teens…that’s not particularly edifying or healthy.

At 16 I was out raving all weekend, literally would be gone for days! Definitely all night....I more or less came and went as I pleased. Not saying I was the most well behaved teen but I did okay in A levels!

That’s been around for years hasn’t it? It’s supposed to heighten your sense of taste or something - they mentioned it on QI years ago I’m pretty sure.

Cinema
Bowling
McDonalds (other fast food places are available)
Arcades
Round their mates
Youth club
Various organised activities
Youth theatre
Sports or the gym

We’re pretty rural by MN standards but there’s still plenty to do - especially if they don’t come home after college and stay in town.

They pretty much all have jobs too so many of them will be working.

Adults partake in crazy stuff too in London. Apparently there is now a Michelin star restaurant where the entire meal is in the pitch black.

Ha ha - fair enough.

My younger one had ADHD (he’s only 11 though) and I’m sure parenting him as a teen will be a different experience.

For younger teens, it was pampering plus film in Covid garden offices mainly plus a sleepover thrown in.

For teen birthdays in London there is a whole raft of expensive activities now like Sensual experiences, life size monopoly, spy mission, weird murder mystery dinner parties, as well as ice skating, bowling, cinema, escape rooms.

For normal weekend stuff, it is mainly house parties.

Well this has been mentioned but:
Cinema
Bowling alley
Arcade
Mate's house
Maccies/Nandos/KFC
Even, depending what's on locally, the theatre or a concert or comedy gig

They may be one of the few who could find a job for 16 year olds. Or their parents might still give them an allowance.

What are all these kids doing till 10 or 11 at night? Where are they going? I’m really fascinated by this. Are they just hanging around the park drinking cider? If they’re going places who’s paying?

I have never done set curfews. My parents never did either, in part this was because my mother had strict curfews as a teenager herself, she still as an adult would talk about how she was once grounded for a month because she came home 5 minutes late. She said she was so resentful of her parents rigidness that even if she wanted to come home earlier some nights, she wouldn't.

For my own sons, so long as they let me know where they are going/who with/time expected home/how to get home there is no set curfew, just case by case basis. My oldest is 18 now, but at 16 there were nights he would come home by 10pm, and nights he would be just heading out at 10pm. To be fair that was weekends only, weeknights he wasn't out that late.

I’ve only read the first page but clearly I live in a parallel universe (aka London) that 11pm is early for a 16 year old schoolboy. DD is coming up to 16 this year and no way would she be allowed that, and nor are any of her friends so far as I know. I certainly wasn’t at that age either.

16 year olds don’t need to have trackers on their phones. They weren’t available when DS1 (and me) were a teen and we all managed perfectly fine.