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Original poster

For expecting/hoping DH to see the doctor about loss of libido?

33 replies

sadeyess · 19/09/2025 23:11

I've changed names for this.

I have a 3 month old baby. DH and I haven’t had sex since January. I’ve told DH how I feel and how it’s affecting me. It’s horrible, I feel like I’m climbing the walls. I’ve been told on another thread that many men don’t find their partners attractive when they’re pregnant and it was probably that. I do all the night stuff with the baby so it’s not like he’s sleep deprived although the baby now sleeps through for 8-9 hours at night anyway. Anyway I asked DH last week again (third time I’ve mentioned it since January) about it and he says he’s got no drive. I said he should see a doctor as I am struggling massively and he said he would. He’s done nothing yet and nothing has happened. Am I unreasonable for expecting him to have looked into something by this point? Bearing in mind how long it’s been? I feel like I’m involuntarily celibate in a marriage to someone who I adore and am very attracted to. If it makes any difference, I’d like to have sex every night/at least 5 times a week but DH has always been more of a once a week level. He just seems to have said he’ll do something to placate me.

OP posts:
TheGreatWesternShrew · 19/09/2025 23:39

Sex drives wax and wane. Your need for sex is no more important than his lack of desire to have it. I think higher sex drive people often dismiss how disgusting it is to have sex when you don’t want to. Yes he should look into it - but if it’s just his low sex drive what then? Can’t you go without it?

VictoriaHelen · 19/09/2025 23:28

sadeyess · 19/09/2025 23:20

Thank you so much @VictoriaHelen, you’ve really validated my feelings which I needed; thank you ☺️

You’re so welcome 💛 It really does make a difference when someone just says “what you’re feeling is valid.” By the way, are you working at the moment or still full-time with the baby? I’m always fascinated by how people balance work and little ones sometimes it even sparks ideas for new projects or side income.

JJZ · 19/09/2025 23:26

My husband was/is the same as yours OP. Wouldn’t come near me once I was visibly pregnant, and it was another year post birth before he showed any interest at all.

He still only a once every three months kind of man 😫😫

BretonStripe · 19/09/2025 23:25

Hi @sadeyess sorry to hear this. I'm going through similar so can relate. DH had the snip 2.5 years ago and it's massively affected his libido. Lucky if we have sex three or four times a year. I've tried to talk to him, encouraged him to see his GP as things definitely changed, and I'm perimenopausal and my libido seems to be getting higher if anything, so would like sex once a week/fortnightly. He's 47 and used to have a high sex drive. I think it's a combination of age, drinking too much and work stress. I don't take it personally but do get frustrated (he knows I masterbate frequently).

Congratulations on the baby by the way! Hope your DH takes some action soon.

Original poster
sadeyess · 19/09/2025 23:20

Thank you so much @VictoriaHelen, you’ve really validated my feelings which I needed; thank you ☺️

OP posts:
Original poster
sadeyess · 19/09/2025 23:19

@PixelatedLunchboxI don’t want to say his exact age but middle aged, over 45. I’m younger than him.

OP posts:
VictoriaHelen · 19/09/2025 23:18

You’re definitely not being unreasonable. You’ve been honest about how you’re feeling and given him plenty of time, and it’s understandable to feel rejected and frustrated. Three months after a baby is still a big adjustment, but if he’s saying he has no drive and hasn’t followed through with getting help, that’s something he needs to take seriously. Low libido can come from stress, hormones, mental health, or just feeling disconnected after the huge life change of a baby. It isn’t about you not being attractive it’s something going on with him. You deserve intimacy and connection and it’s fair to expect some action on his part. Keep being clear about how important this is to you and encourage him to actually take that next step with the GP or a counsellor rather than just brushing it off.

PixelatedLunchbox · 19/09/2025 23:16

Go online and order a home kit to measure his testosterone. He may have always had low levels. How old is he?

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