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AIBU?

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Original poster

Kindly, Gently...

257 replies

MasterBeth · 19/09/2025 20:02

Am I Being Unreasonable to think that writing Kindly or Gently at the beginning of a post is a pointless, performative piece of nonsense.

We'll decide if what you say is kind or gentle, thank-you very much.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 19/09/2025 20:51

Love the words on their own but yes, they’re generally followed by something horrible on mn!!!!

steponme · 19/09/2025 20:50

Also hate non negotiable and in this house. Both so fucking bossy. Especially when used together ‘in this house, shoes off is non negotiable.’ Oh, fuck off.

thereneverwasacloudyday · 19/09/2025 20:50

Kindly, I think you're all being a bit too sensitive about this.

😜

stuffedpeppers · 19/09/2025 20:47

Thought it was jsut me - it makes me see red

Parkerpenny · 19/09/2025 20:46

Here's anither one...

....Thank you for your understanding....
Usually at the end of a ln annoying email and I haven't yet had the chance to decide whether I am actually going to be understanding or not!

Papyrophile · 19/09/2025 20:44

Does "respectfully" trigger the same irritation? If it does, I'm in!

SafeSex · 19/09/2025 20:44

northernballer · 19/09/2025 20:21

Urgh, I had someone 'softly' ask me to attend a compulsory Town Hall once.

How can a building be compulsory?

SafeSex · 19/09/2025 20:41

ilovesooty · 19/09/2025 20:08

It's often anything but.

I'm also not keen on "I am silently judging you" then going on to do it anything but silently.

Yes, I saw one of those today. Ok, strictly speaking there is no actual sound produced when you post a comment on a thread, but still...

I used to work with someone who often emailed asking, "Could you kindly do x?" I don't know how she didn't realise that it always came across as extremely sarcastic.

It always surprises me how much performative nonsense there is on this site when it's basically anonymous.

Peteryourhorseisheree · 19/09/2025 20:37

Kindly, gently, get fucked.

I hate it.

Youdontseehow · 19/09/2025 20:36

I’m in the fence. If it’s something generic like….”kindly, please remember that everyone’s different blah blah blah” then yeah it’s pointless.

But sometimes if I’m responding to a person who has posted something unreasonable but their circumstances are tragic/traumatic, I might say “kindly, YABU” because I understand why they feel
like they do even if they’re being U.

TeenLifeMum · 19/09/2025 20:36

It’s patronising and a replacement for “I’m not being rude but…”

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/09/2025 20:35

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 19/09/2025 20:32

Fair enough. I shall find a better approach. When you know better you do better and all that.

Show quote history

You’ve done the kindest thing in the world. Been reasonable on MN. You must ACTUALLY be a nice person.

Ruining my theory <mutters to self>

mumofoneAloneandwell · 19/09/2025 20:34

😭😭😭 but if someone is being unreasonable about something sensitive, but they arent a dick, you say 'kindly, yabu' and move on

Whats the big deal

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 19/09/2025 20:32

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/09/2025 20:31

But you will upset them if it’s awkward. You have to decide if that’s worth it. Is it constructive, is it fair etc. Saying ‘gently’ doesn’t change any of that, just makes you feel better. Not the other person, generally.

Show quote history

Fair enough. I shall find a better approach. When you know better you do better and all that.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 19/09/2025 20:31

LarkspurLane · 19/09/2025 20:09

Someone "politely" said something really rude to me on here once and I am still stewing over it about three years later. I'd rather someone was just directly rude (if they have to be rude at all)

Yeah I do the stewing thing too. Total waste of time, I know.

I started a thread once under a different UN to ask for specific advice on a situation after my dad had died. I got a lot of helpful replies and then someone hopped on to tell me "gently, I know this is sad for you but you can't expect strangers on the internet to sort this out. That's what Google is for". I ended up getting the thread deleted, partly because it was turning into a bit of a bunfight and partly to take away the temptation to respond.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/09/2025 20:31

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 19/09/2025 20:27

Oh dear. I sometimes say gently at the beginning of something if I’m trying to say something awkward but don’t want to upset anyone. I’m genuinely trying to be nice. I’m not judgemental. I had no idea it was perceived that way. I guess I’ll have to stop ☹️

But you will upset them if it’s awkward. You have to decide if that’s worth it. Is it constructive, is it fair etc. Saying ‘gently’ doesn’t change any of that, just makes you feel better. Not the other person, generally.

Blondiney · 19/09/2025 20:31

Makes me seethe! Quietly and kindly, of course.

scalt · 19/09/2025 20:29

I’m not fond of “or not?” at the end of a question, it sounds aggressive to me. I once posted about this, but nobody else thought so.

writingsonthewall · 19/09/2025 20:29

Hm I’m not usually against the norm but online I’ve seen it written and it seems to be genuine where people see saying something harsh but don’t want it to come across as aggressive. So yeah I’ve seen it as a nice thing.

but I’ve never used it to be fair .

Jadedpersuaded · 19/09/2025 20:28

QueenClinomania · 19/09/2025 20:27

It's clearly intended to make the post seem supportive / tough love when it's nothing of the sort.

Saying kindly, you're a cunt is still calling them a cunt.

Maybe then it's about the context it is used in.

New marketing campaign for marmite" #kind extract, consume gently "

MyDeftHedgehog · 19/09/2025 20:28

Another one: "I'm not being funny but........"
Means exactly the opposite 😅

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 19/09/2025 20:27

Oh dear. I sometimes say gently at the beginning of something if I’m trying to say something awkward but don’t want to upset anyone. I’m genuinely trying to be nice. I’m not judgemental. I had no idea it was perceived that way. I guess I’ll have to stop ☹️

Sidebeforeself · 19/09/2025 20:27

I’m not sure.Ive used it to warn the OP that Im going to say something they might not like! I also think people use it to try to fend off the sharks that circulate on AIBU. Doesnt work though

QueenClinomania · 19/09/2025 20:27

It's clearly intended to make the post seem supportive / tough love when it's nothing of the sort.

Saying kindly, you're a cunt is still calling them a cunt.

steponme · 19/09/2025 20:24

I absolutely hate it. It immediately makes my hackles rise and become a snappy arse. And people then become huffy because of course ‘gently, OP.’

Fuck off.