Kindly, Gently...

Oh god I’m the opposite!

If someone is not polite when asking me to do something then I find it really rude!

I always say please and thank you when asking a colleague to do something and u expect the same in return.

The thread I’ve been waiting for.

I get the impression posters who use I’d genuinely mean well and want to soften what they’re saying, but it’s just so patronising. Can’t stand it!

I say it on here as I want to be honest but at the same time show that I’m not just being a bitch.

Some posters do post to be bitchy and I hope that it comes across slightly less malicious.

I didn’t think I said it in person but I actually said it to someone the other day.
He was being a childish twat but I couldn’t say that and so I said something like - gently, I think you’re being a bit immature.

I would have never said it before using MN though.

"as you will appreciate".
No, I don't appreciate it. Piss off.

Awww, thanks! I do try to be nice. I have been known to accidentally be patronising. And apparently I’ve upset people by trying to say things gently. I think there’s lots of nice people on here. The few nasty ones are just rather loud about it so they get noticed more, but I don’t think they’re in the majority.

Yes. It would be so much better to say "I don't want to be rude but.." or "This isn't intended to be rude but ...". It still has the effect of softening but at least there is a chance of it being true.

Kindly, you sound fucking unhinged 😂

I’m one of the people that has used this when I’m trying to make it clear that I’m being genuine, usually when the message is a bit rough, particularly for someone who seems like they’re a bit vulnerable.

Based on this thread, I’m going to stop doing it, and I’ve had a bit of a laugh about / with some of the comments. Your comment though? Gimps and sheep and thoughts of their own? Not kindly, that’s batshit.

This. And this again.

I call them the trapdoor spiders. They lurk about beneath the surface ready to pounce when someone makes a statement that they can leap on and make a big song and dance of, usually derailing the thread with their own pet topic. These accusations often involve labels that end in "ist."

😀 If someone says to me "Would you kindly do X", instead of (for example) "Could you please do X", my hackles rise. I am also old, and it's something that has provoked that response for more than 50 years! In my professional life, I would never, ever have said or written it.

I can't explain why ...I have just always hated it.

Here's another one...

....Thank you for your understanding....
Usually at the end of a ln annoying email and I haven't yet had the chance to decide whether I am actually going to be understanding or not!

This is one of my pet peeves. See also “I’m not being rude but” … followed by something rude.

These things are not a get out clause to say whatever you like and then not face the consequence of saying something dickish.

Same as "handhold", I hate that with a passion.

It’s rarely kind or gentle when it’s said. It’s like saying “no offence but….”

Entirely unnecessary.

Gentle reminder is the absolute worst. It has crept in on emails from the school and work emails. I'm not a child, I can take being reminded without taking offence, I don't need a "gentle" reminder ffs.

And somewhere upthread someone has used another of my pet hates to justify the 'kindly', 'gently' BS: 'it comes from a place of...'

It doesn't matter where your patronising crap comes from, it's still patronising crap - but with added verbosity.

Oh I find these funny.

Basically on the surface saying you are an absolute fucking moron (but saying it in a nice way).

They just don't see it from the other person's point of view which is funny.

I use kindly in work letters and emails, when asking someone to do something. I like it, I'm old and it feels comfortable to me.

Will look for that one!

Yes, Ealing was brilliant. Those films were very subversive in their subtle way.

It’s because pps pounce on OPs about all kinds of details and irrelevancies. If pps confined themselves to answering the bloody question instead of picking apart the OP and reading between the lines, everything could be much more concise.

OPs feel they have to put in endless disclaimers to fend of the predictable jibes and criticisms. It’s very tedious but there are so many pps who just live to nit-pick.

That and The Lavender Hill Mob are my favourites! Although I would also highly recommend Barnacle Bill (1957) which also has Alec Guinness being completely marvellous!

I have an absolute hatred of ‘xxxxx here’ or ‘As a xxxx’ it is pretty much saying everyone listen to me, my opinion on this is gospel. I don’t know why it winds me up so much but it does haha

What gets me is when people start a post with "Look...", really winds me up. Not sure why exactly, maybe its because I imagine the person writing it to be a bit patronising and bossy IRL

My favourite film is the old Ealing Comedy, Kind Hearts and Coronets, which is hilariously full of extremely polite, p/a phrases. I’ve borrowed one just to irritate my husband. I preface requests with ‘Would it be asking too much of your manners to….?(fill in as required). I find this very amusing, but admittedly I wouldn’t try it on away from home!

There’s so much sensitivity on MN though, it pervades everything. And it’s not just the kindly/gently crowd.
Anybody who starts a thread wanting to talk about money for instance, starting threads with ‘ I know we are incredibly lucky’ or something similar because their household salary is £100k. Why does everybody have to be incredibly lucky, when in actual fact they’ve probably worked their arses off to get to that level and made sacrifices. Are people now so sensitive they cannot hear the truth ?