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Original poster

Kindly, Gently...

257 replies

MasterBeth · 19/09/2025 20:02

Am I Being Unreasonable to think that writing Kindly or Gently at the beginning of a post is a pointless, performative piece of nonsense.

We'll decide if what you say is kind or gentle, thank-you very much.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 20/09/2025 01:03

WeeGeeBored · 20/09/2025 00:16

I prefer passive aggressive to aggressive aggressive.

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I really don't. Because I am very happy standing up to a bully. But PA is like punching smoke.

PollyBell · 20/09/2025 00:46

I imagine kindly or gently typed with the poster's head tilted in that voice children's TV presenters used or the teacher at school has to use for that one child they have to sugar coat to their parents on parents evening

Original poster
MasterBeth · 20/09/2025 00:41

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/09/2025 00:36

To you it does but others have explained that to them, who may misunderstand tone, that is helps.

Why does your "I dont like it" matter more than their "I find it helpful"?

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I am offering my opinion which you are free to take or leave as you wish. I have offered no opinion on what matters more.

OP posts:
User21548967 · 20/09/2025 00:40

MasterBeth · 19/09/2025 23:47

But it doesn't. It comes across as patronising and supercilious.

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It absolutely does.

It also makes me think the writer has very poor writing skills and is a poor communicator.

I have NEVER received an email from a man with the words 'gentle reminder'.

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/09/2025 00:36

MasterBeth · 19/09/2025 23:47

But it doesn't. It comes across as patronising and supercilious.

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To you it does but others have explained that to them, who may misunderstand tone, that is helps.

Why does your "I dont like it" matter more than their "I find it helpful"?

User21548967 · 20/09/2025 00:34

WeeGeeBored · 20/09/2025 00:28

kindly, have you considered anger management?

Edited
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Thank you for your kind suggestion.

Unfortunately I received a gentle reminder that people who wish to enforce blunt objects on people's heads are not the audience that anger mgt. groups wish to attract and they'd kindly request that I do not attend.

WeeGeeBored · 20/09/2025 00:28

User21548967 · 20/09/2025 00:22

The 'gentle reminders' make me want to hit the writer with a blunt object and be anything but gentle tbh.

kindly, have you considered anger management?

ChippyChipsChippyChips · 20/09/2025 00:26

MasterBeth · 20/09/2025 00:25

You certainly have some of those chips in your name on your shoulder.

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Ok, thanks.

ChippyChipsChippyChips · 20/09/2025 00:25

WeeGeeBored · 20/09/2025 00:18

I am going to continue using it. People often feel harried if you ask for something more than once or they feel threatened (with the sack et) so I want them to know that we are on friendly terms and that there is nothing to fear.

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Yeah, we probably can’t win, to be fair!

Original poster
MasterBeth · 20/09/2025 00:25

ChippyChipsChippyChips · 20/09/2025 00:23

Deleted duplicate!

Edited

You certainly have some of those chips in your name on your shoulder.

OP posts:
ChippyChipsChippyChips · 20/09/2025 00:24

MasterBeth · 20/09/2025 00:18

Good for you.

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Er, thanks? God, I thought the fact that someone read your OP, took it in good humour and actually said they’d change their behaviour based on it, was a good thing. But I guess I’m supercilious, patronising, pointless and performative 😂

ChippyChipsChippyChips · 20/09/2025 00:23

Deleted duplicate!

User21548967 · 20/09/2025 00:22

The 'gentle reminders' make me want to hit the writer with a blunt object and be anything but gentle tbh.

WeeGeeBored · 20/09/2025 00:18

ChippyChipsChippyChips · 20/09/2025 00:07

Fair enough, I’ve explained my reasoning in good faith and I’ve actually said on this thread I won’t use it again, based on what I’ve read.

We all make our own assumptions of other people’s intent based on their chosen words though. I’m making my own based on yours now.

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I am going to continue using it. People often feel harried if you ask for something more than once or they feel threatened (with the sack et) so I want them to know that we are on friendly terms and that there is nothing to fear.

Original poster
MasterBeth · 20/09/2025 00:18

ChippyChipsChippyChips · 20/09/2025 00:07

Fair enough, I’ve explained my reasoning in good faith and I’ve actually said on this thread I won’t use it again, based on what I’ve read.

We all make our own assumptions of other people’s intent based on their chosen words though. I’m making my own based on yours now.

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Good for you.

OP posts:
WeeGeeBored · 20/09/2025 00:16

Imaginariums · 19/09/2025 20:06

Kindly is a bit passive aggressive

I prefer passive aggressive to aggressive aggressive.

ChippyChipsChippyChips · 20/09/2025 00:07

MasterBeth · 19/09/2025 23:47

But it doesn't. It comes across as patronising and supercilious.

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Fair enough, I’ve explained my reasoning in good faith and I’ve actually said on this thread I won’t use it again, based on what I’ve read.

We all make our own assumptions of other people’s intent based on their chosen words though. I’m making my own based on yours now.

Original poster
MasterBeth · 19/09/2025 23:47

ChippyChipsChippyChips · 19/09/2025 21:16

I get what you’re saying, but sometimes it’s difficult to read tone online. I would usually only use this if it seems like I’m talking to somebody in a difficult situation and I want to make sure that it comes across as genuinely well-meaning.

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But it doesn't. It comes across as patronising and supercilious.

OP posts:
willstarttomorrow · 19/09/2025 23:38

I think all these examples are used by people who are very poor communicators, cannot do nuance/be assertive in a positive way and probably (whatever they think) are incable of being open minded. As a family we also have had the racism 'but we do not mean you' which disappeared for a while but recently is back on steroids.

ChelseaDetective · 19/09/2025 23:27

I agree, it’s the internet, just say it. Nobody cares.

At least “S/He doesn’t like you” seems to have run its course.

mmmarmalade · 19/09/2025 23:25

It's ridiculous.

You come to a public forum - you have no control and no right to tell people how to respond.

Sometimes, people need to hear the things that their so called friends find difficult to say - strangers, well - those with any sense, compassion and life experience etc., often find it easier to say, possibly, what needs saying.

If you fear what people might say: don't post. You're guaranteed to get helpful or best intentioned responses anyway.

Notashamed13 · 19/09/2025 23:24

Probably because everything offends someone nowadays.

Calliopespa · 19/09/2025 23:23

Foundationns · 19/09/2025 23:10

I find that 'I don't want to be rude' is just as bad. Why mention rudeness if you don't at least suspect that you are being rude?
It is possible to avoid rudeness by being direct and respectful. Eg rather than 'I'm not being rude, but you can't keep asking for lifts all the time', something like 'Giving you a lift would add an hour to my journey and I haven't got time for that. See you there!'

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Yes, but sometimes you KNOW you ARE being rude.

Your example wasn't rude; it was just direct.

I'm not advocating it, I'm just saying if they must try to excuse their rudeness, at least acknowledge it, not disavow it.

supersuppers · 19/09/2025 23:22

Oh yes, I also can’t bare the phrase
“ no offence but……”

it’s always said just before someone says something extremely offensive. It’s their get out of jail free card.

Getoffofmyland · 19/09/2025 23:16

Someone I used to work with used to sign off her emails ‘kindly’ but she was a complete back-stabbing cow - complained to our CEO about me when I called her out on a lie she told…

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