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Original poster

Kindly, Gently...

257 replies

MasterBeth · 19/09/2025 20:02

Am I Being Unreasonable to think that writing Kindly or Gently at the beginning of a post is a pointless, performative piece of nonsense.

We'll decide if what you say is kind or gentle, thank-you very much.

OP posts:
Cherryicecreamx · 20/09/2025 21:32

I haven't found myself writing it but I actually quite like reading it 🙈 It seems to soften the tone and makes what they're saying come across in a more polite manner.

Original poster
MasterBeth · 20/09/2025 20:29

ChippyChipsChippyChips · 20/09/2025 16:49

Haha, using HTH in reply to this and on this specific thread is glorious. Thank you, I rest my case.

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Apologies. I forgot that you need a little warning about tone in order to understand pretty basic adult conversation...

So, that should have said:

Deliberately patronising for comic effect HTH

OP posts:
Strawberrysummer25 · 20/09/2025 20:21

Absolutely hate a gentle reminder, the only reply I would give it is a thumbs-up (and that's only since I've been told that's passive aggressive )

LoveMyLife4 · 20/09/2025 20:14

On a slightly different note, am I the only one who finds it condescending when people respond to WhatsApp messages with "Bless you" after you offer to help them, especially when they've been complaining about a problem for ages? It feels like they don't actually want help; they just want to vent!

MaddestGranny · 20/09/2025 19:45

the double-negatives got me and I just voted the wrong way!
On MN it seems clear that people say, directly, what they're thinking & feeling, "straight out of the box", so to speak. And that's good.
However, it is also quite appropriate for a pp to flag up that what they're wanting to say is, perhaps, going to be received as confrontational, but is intended to be gently helpful.
So, to say "gently" and "kindly" in a response to an OP is clear and completely acceptable.

Spinmerightroundbaby · 20/09/2025 18:24

TimeForRadio · 19/09/2025 20:02

I hate it at work. When someone sends me a gentle reminder I want to scream. It actually makes my stomach turn.

I also hate ‘polite notice.’ Just out notice or FAO whoever it is for the attention of…!

Wildefish · 20/09/2025 18:09

MasterBeth · 19/09/2025 20:02

Am I Being Unreasonable to think that writing Kindly or Gently at the beginning of a post is a pointless, performative piece of nonsense.

We'll decide if what you say is kind or gentle, thank-you very much.

I think what people really mean if you’re going to be unnecessarily unkind move on past. Some people are already emotionally drained.

Calliopespa · 20/09/2025 17:03

well this thread has degenerated somewhat ...

ChippyChipsChippyChips · 20/09/2025 16:49

MasterBeth · 20/09/2025 16:31

I said you seemed to have a chip on your shoulder.

I didn't call you patronising or supercilious. Kindly, I pointed out that something you said could be considered patronising or supercilious. HTH.

Haha, using HTH in reply to this and on this specific thread is glorious. Thank you, I rest my case.

Original poster
MasterBeth · 20/09/2025 16:31

I said you seemed to have a chip on your shoulder.

I didn't call you patronising or supercilious. Kindly, I pointed out that something you said could be considered patronising or supercilious. HTH.

OP posts:
ChippyChipsChippyChips · 20/09/2025 16:03

MasterBeth · 20/09/2025 09:11

Your own language is deliberately manipulative and controlling.

You have even tried to deny me my response by pre-empting what you believe is the next thing I am about to say. It's all a bit calculating and deceitful.

You use very emotive language ("belittling"and "shaming") to describe a straightforward disagreement about the use of language.

It's not shaming to point out that using "Kindly" or "Gently" before a statement can come across as both twee and condescending. It's an attempt to set a tone with no truth behind it. Instead of being kind or gentle, only claiming to be so. It's tantamount to gaslighting.

It is far less bitchy to give a direct and honest answer directly and honestly, without trying to define what the reader should feel about it.

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Ironic. I actually read the thread, admitted to using ‘gently’ and that based on the thread was going to stop and you still called me patronising, supercilious and having a chip on my shoulder.

CoffeeCantata · 20/09/2025 15:59

JudgeJ · 20/09/2025 13:02

Pseudo-sensitivity seems to be the thing now, being 'sensitive' makes a person special, except that almost everyone is 'sensitive' and needs to be handled with kid gloves. I'm surprised that some people can survive at all in a cut and thrust world. They're probably the same people who need to be warned that a TV programme may contain 'upsetting scenes', what they expect watching something like Midsomer Murders I don't know!

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I think sensitivity in the sense of being perceptive and mindful of other people’s feelings is a good thing, but sensitivity in the sense of being either touchy or a bit pathetic is obviously not.

Especially when you consider what people in the past had to cope with. I get annoyed when the BBC News gives their warning about ‘scenes which some people may find distressing’. Why should we have the right to be shielded from anything which upsets our super-privileged lives?

JudgeJ · 20/09/2025 13:02

thereneverwasacloudyday · 19/09/2025 20:50

Kindly, I think you're all being a bit too sensitive about this.

😜

Pseudo-sensitivity seems to be the thing now, being 'sensitive' makes a person special, except that almost everyone is 'sensitive' and needs to be handled with kid gloves. I'm surprised that some people can survive at all in a cut and thrust world. They're probably the same people who need to be warned that a TV programme may contain 'upsetting scenes', what they expect watching something like Midsomer Murders I don't know!

JudgeJ · 20/09/2025 12:56

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/09/2025 20:23

But why?

Hi Bloss, any chance you could X. Thanks!

Morning Blossom, I need a favour. Could you X? Let me know if it doesn’t work.

No need for a ‘kindly’.

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What was wrong with 'please'?

Calliopespa · 20/09/2025 12:55

ToldYouTwiceAlready · 20/09/2025 12:52

My dentist emailed me with "a gentle reminder" of my appointment. Sod off with that.

Well it had to be gentle because you are clearly rather soft in the head and prone to take fright at a straightforward reminder.🙄

ToldYouTwiceAlready · 20/09/2025 12:52

My dentist emailed me with "a gentle reminder" of my appointment. Sod off with that.

NormaSears · 20/09/2025 12:50

@Swiftie1878 I understand it sometimes, as tone is often hard to convey in writing. If you want to say something that may sound ‘mean’ in raw words, but that’s not how you intend it to land - you’re trying to correct or redirect- I think it’s fair to signpost that.
In which case why not reword it?

Calliopespa · 20/09/2025 12:41

Swiftie1878 · 20/09/2025 12:35

I understand it sometimes, as tone is often hard to convey in writing. If you want to say something that may sound ‘mean’ in raw words, but that’s not how you intend it to land - you’re trying to correct or redirect- I think it’s fair to signpost that.

People who use it then just let rip are unreasonable at every level, so I wouldn’t single out their opening adverb.

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People who use it then just let rip are unreasonable at every level, so I wouldn’t single out their opening adverb.

😂

Swiftie1878 · 20/09/2025 12:35

MasterBeth · 19/09/2025 20:02

Am I Being Unreasonable to think that writing Kindly or Gently at the beginning of a post is a pointless, performative piece of nonsense.

We'll decide if what you say is kind or gentle, thank-you very much.

I understand it sometimes, as tone is often hard to convey in writing. If you want to say something that may sound ‘mean’ in raw words, but that’s not how you intend it to land - you’re trying to correct or redirect- I think it’s fair to signpost that.

People who use it then just let rip are unreasonable at every level, so I wouldn’t single out their opening adverb.

WeeGeeBored · 20/09/2025 12:25

Sahara123 · 20/09/2025 10:30

I used to work with someone who put “ polite reminder “ at the beginning of every note, email, whatever bossy request she was making. She was sweetness and light in public, she’d been there umpteen years, but was a right mare to me in private. She also used to take a biscuit from the staff tin, break it in half and put the other half back , as a full biscuit was too much for her.😖. No one else wanted half a biscuit so they got left until they crumbled …

Hang on a minute. You're claiming to be the victim of language shaming in this? I'm not having it.

You are the one who started with that jeering, mocking tone and continued to be so aggressive with people who have a different opinion and you are doing it in this post.

@PyongyangKipperbang I owe you an apology. I mistakenly labeled you a bully upthread but my post was intended for someone else.

Calliopespa · 20/09/2025 10:42

gannett · 20/09/2025 08:15

I love seeing "kindly" on MN. When I see it I brace myself for some absolute Grade A cuntiness to follow. Very entertaining and the reason I read this site.

If anything "gently" is even worse and tends to precede nuclear-level insults. "Gently, it sounds like you are an unfit mother, a toxic person and the source of all your loved ones' distress."

So you don't mind about the person on the receiving end of the "Grade A cuntiness" then?

Calliopespa · 20/09/2025 10:38

Twistedfirestarters · 20/09/2025 07:58

See, I don't mind people using expressions like 'polite reminder', or adding 'kindly' on to an instruction. I can see people are trying to soften what is basically a command. I get that.

It only really bugs me on here where people preface what is usually some sort of horribly judgemental comment with it. That sort of shit can't be softened and it's all about making the poster feel better about the fact they're being an arsehole.

Yes, for me that's the salient distinction between the different usages.

Sahara123 · 20/09/2025 10:30

I used to work with someone who put “ polite reminder “ at the beginning of every note, email, whatever bossy request she was making. She was sweetness and light in public, she’d been there umpteen years, but was a right mare to me in private. She also used to take a biscuit from the staff tin, break it in half and put the other half back , as a full biscuit was too much for her.😖. No one else wanted half a biscuit so they got left until they crumbled …

Original poster
MasterBeth · 20/09/2025 09:11

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/09/2025 01:26

But you have offered your opinion in such a way as to try and shame others into not using it anymore.

And, to forestall your response, you really have.

Your language is deliberately belittling and shaming. In fact I would suggest that you are prompting others to also belittle and shame, it all a bit mean and bitchy.

Show quote history

Your own language is deliberately manipulative and controlling.

You have even tried to deny me my response by pre-empting what you believe is the next thing I am about to say. It's all a bit calculating and deceitful.

You use very emotive language ("belittling"and "shaming") to describe a straightforward disagreement about the use of language.

It's not shaming to point out that using "Kindly" or "Gently" before a statement can come across as both twee and condescending. It's an attempt to set a tone with no truth behind it. Instead of being kind or gentle, only claiming to be so. It's tantamount to gaslighting.

It is far less bitchy to give a direct and honest answer directly and honestly, without trying to define what the reader should feel about it.

OP posts:
NormaSears · 20/09/2025 08:49

I loathe seeing loathe written as loath.

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