Think it's odd I've been left out ??

PeacheyPeach · 2025-09-19T16:27:36+00:00

Have been good friends for about 8 years with someone who is getting married this year. They are having a destination wedding which I'm not attending but it is only family going Looking through my Instagram this week and noticed she has had a hen weekend with a large group this was the first id heard about it! There was a few people there that I know she doesn't even like and has had nothing but bad things to say about them!! Sort of can't believe I've not been invited, especially when I have been there for her a lot over the years and thought we had a nice friendship! AIBU ? Has anyone else been in this situation?

Hollybollyhughes · 24/09/2025 12:23

This is understandably hurtful. There's not a chance she didn't know who was invited, they are organised now to the extreme, an itinerary even down to being told what to wear FFS. I think you're more hurt by the lack of an invitation rather than would you have had a wonderful time? Similar situation, my brother in law was 60 but apparently didn't want a fuss. No party, no get together. Yeah right. Some folks are spiteful, let them get on with it. Move on, she sounds charmless and bitchy and sadly there are quite a few of those around.

Toesy · 22/09/2025 10:24

Great response OP.
Nothing she can say will absolve this.
Many users will assign a friend as their emotional crutch, if they can.

My friend was one, and had been very kind.
By pure chance she found out some really happy news that had not been relayed to her.
She was for the angst.
Well it was such a blessing.
She muted her, was busy, wouldn't give her the satisfaction of an explanation, she was just no longer available.

She too tried to corner her at a few social things but my friend simply walked away, completely disinterested.

Its a blessing, wise to see it as such.

Emptynester67 · 22/09/2025 10:11

If it bothered her that you weren't there, she would have contacted you and apologized for not being invited for whatever reason. She hasn't done that so she clearly isn't bothered. I'd cut ties if that's how she feels after all the support you've given her.

Twiglets1 · 21/09/2025 15:29

PeacheyPeach · 21/09/2025 13:49

Thanks everyone for all the amazing advice and suggestions, I have talked with my husband as well and I'm just going to keep silent about it. I'm not going to go and ask and give her the satisfaction of listening to some lame excuse or half hearted apology, it was obvious a pointed reason that I'm the only one not asked. She is obviously not a friend and I've obviously been the "therapist" friend. It's not going to be a loss in my life because it frees me from any sense of loyalty that I may have felt towards her..

The right response I think.

I also used to have a friend I used to give a lot of emotional support to.

I stopped that after she let me down. I’m still friendly towards her in groups and she tries to draw me back into 1:1 emotional chats but I’m honestly done with that in my mind.

Soberinthecity · 21/09/2025 14:29

abouttimetoo123 · 19/09/2025 17:36

When someone shows you who they are, listen. And remember, if someone is talking about others to you, they’ll be talking about you to others.

Take this as a lesson learned and step back from the friendship xx

This 👆🏻

Fontofallknowledge23 · 21/09/2025 14:25

Great and correct decision OP. Two things to help moving forward, the book i mentioned before by Mel robbins called ‘ LET THEM’ and on Instagram follow @ Christie _Ferrari She does alot on friends and adult mean girls etc. xxx

Ellejay67 · 21/09/2025 13:58

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 21/09/2025 08:17

@KayPea2i don’t get it. The friend went to a show with another friend but didn’t invite you. But it’s ok for her to do things with other friends without you surely?

Learn to read

Ellejay67 · 21/09/2025 13:57

PeacheyPeach · 21/09/2025 13:49

Thanks everyone for all the amazing advice and suggestions, I have talked with my husband as well and I'm just going to keep silent about it. I'm not going to go and ask and give her the satisfaction of listening to some lame excuse or half hearted apology, it was obvious a pointed reason that I'm the only one not asked. She is obviously not a friend and I've obviously been the "therapist" friend. It's not going to be a loss in my life because it frees me from any sense of loyalty that I may have felt towards her..

Stick to it. Move on. Don't set yourself up for more let down. Good luck x

Original poster

PeacheyPeach · 21/09/2025 13:49

Thanks everyone for all the amazing advice and suggestions, I have talked with my husband as well and I'm just going to keep silent about it. I'm not going to go and ask and give her the satisfaction of listening to some lame excuse or half hearted apology, it was obvious a pointed reason that I'm the only one not asked. She is obviously not a friend and I've obviously been the "therapist" friend. It's not going to be a loss in my life because it frees me from any sense of loyalty that I may have felt towards her..

OP posts:

Ferrit6 · 21/09/2025 12:44

If the bride isn’t involved in organising it won’t she think it’s odd you’re not there ? Why not just message the organiser and if you are snubbed you can show the bride you reached out …

user043857398 · 21/09/2025 09:12

If she's been slagging people off to you and you're her sounding board she probably doesn't want you telling anyone. Some people are just users and those people are likely to be very self-absorbed and confident with it (think there's a word for that) so they're also able to fool you into thinking they genuinely like you.

pictoosh · 21/09/2025 08:44

SweetnsourNZ · 21/09/2025 05:09

As I have grown older I have come to realise that too. I have a couple of great friends, one I have known since childhood, but really most of the people that come into your life are really just acquaintances and they really are not as invested in you as you think.

Show quote history

Think there's a lot of truth in that, particularly when you look at social groups.
Good friends do not come in a handy multi-pack.

That person who you stuck your neck out for? She wouldn't do the same for you.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 21/09/2025 08:17

@KayPea2i don’t get it. The friend went to a show with another friend but didn’t invite you. But it’s ok for her to do things with other friends without you surely?

Rpop · 21/09/2025 08:00

I wonder whether you are the main one she talks to about problems with the others. So now she feels too embarrassed inviting you to the hen do because she knows she has moaned about everyone there and she can’t deal with the two-faceness of it all? So best keep you separate? Obs not condoning this at all and it all seems really mean on you.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 21/09/2025 06:47

Yes, it’s such a shock to find out where you rank in their world. I got a night do invitation to a wedding & was surprised as other friends, who don’t make half as much effort with her as I do got to go to the day do. They didn’t pay the £250 to go to the hen do-just said they couldn’t go. Lame.

I also celebrated a big birthday recently. Some of my oldest friends of 25 years flaked after saying they’d be up for the plans. It blew my mind & felt like a small spike of grief.

However, I have now reassessed where I am going to focus my energy going forward which feels liberating. When people dhow you their true colours, believe them.

That’s one fake friend you can now remove from your life. Don’t say a word. Leave her to it love.x

Mapletree1985 · 21/09/2025 05:57

KayPea2 · 20/09/2025 18:58

Know how you feel. I was friendly with someone who had lost her husband, I always ensured she was included in outings etc. went to see numerous films together (many that I did not want to see) as otherwise she would not have gone. Took her along to shows and theatre performances even when I was going with my husband (he was very tolerant) again to ensure she did not miss out. Then there were a couple of films I wanted to see but she said she did not fancy them (I didn’t fancy many of her films, but still went). The final straw came later on when I discovered she had arranged to see a show with a mutual acquaintance but had not invited me. When I asked she said ‘I thought you would be working’ (try asking) the acquaintance later told me that she had been informed that I had been invited but had declined to go. Friendship well and truly over.

Nobody likes being treated as an object of charity. I have experienced this myself and it doesn't feel like friendship, it feels like patronage.

SweetnsourNZ · 21/09/2025 05:09

PeacheyPeach · 20/09/2025 00:21

@Horsie you are right in what you are saying, sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture, and give people the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes you have to protect yourself and your peace and put these individuals in a box. Talking to them may ease tension and it may unlock things that have happened that we are unaware of, but sometimes it's just giving someone a platform to be even more mean or unkind and you know it's ok not to put that on yourself, especially when you've only ever looked out for that person.
It's not the end of my world, I have a gorgeous husband and family and these people are all on the outside and fringes of this, it just makes me realize that it's only my family who truly have my back and care for me and that's enough for me ❤️

As I have grown older I have come to realise that too. I have a couple of great friends, one I have known since childhood, but really most of the people that come into your life are really just acquaintances and they really are not as invested in you as you think.

SweetnsourNZ · 21/09/2025 03:27

Just read you follow up posts. Sounds like a bunch of mean girls. Make new friends and just be glad you didn't fork out any money for this wedding.

SweetnsourNZ · 21/09/2025 03:22

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 17:46

@Glitterballofdreams your own sister 😭 that's harsh
Yes I'm not going to dwell on it, I'm not usually that bothered about things like this, I' don't go in for drama etc, I just wanted to know that I'm not odd for feeling a bit strange about not being invited 😂

It does sound odd. Maybe whoever organised it did it as a surprise and your friend thought she was just going out for a normal night out and the person who organised it didn't know you. Are the others going to the wedding? I think you need to have a word to your friend and get to the bottom of it.

spoonbillstretford · 21/09/2025 02:33

Why not just ask her if she is a good friend?

Though looking on the bright side, not going has saved you a lot of money.

Akiwimum2 · 21/09/2025 01:56

Branleuse · 21/09/2025 01:51

Maybe she's just a bitch?

Are you the friend of OP that didn't invite her or the person who organised the hens night and excluded OP? There is no other logically reason for your nasty comments

Branleuse · 21/09/2025 01:51

Maybe she's just a bitch?

Branleuse · 21/09/2025 00:22

This reply has been deleted

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What a strange and unkind take on it.

Akiwimum2 · 20/09/2025 23:47

Twiglets1 · 20/09/2025 23:32

That’s very unkind of your friend @PeacheyPeach

I would be slowly detaching myself from a friend like that. Hope it will be worth it for her to lose your support. Maybe she thought the others were more party girls or something. Either way, I would never be able to view her the same after this.

Maybe she thought the others were more party girls or something?
Yes its a real possibility the people invited are all into party drugs or heavy drinking and know you are not and would be uncomfortable, It's not uncommon these days especially in the UK.
Either way your friend should have explained to you kindly before the party but maybe she was embarrassed?

Twiglets1 · 20/09/2025 23:32

That’s very unkind of your friend @PeacheyPeach

I would be slowly detaching myself from a friend like that. Hope it will be worth it for her to lose your support. Maybe she thought the others were more party girls or something. Either way, I would never be able to view her the same after this.