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Original poster

Christmas and birthdays with no acknowledgment

32 replies

Purpleismyfsvouritecolour · 19/09/2025 13:23

What would you do?

Every year for birthdays and Xmas, I put aside money each month to afford Christmas and birthday presents for my teenage/adult step children, nieces and nephews. Every year, my husband and I don’t even get a thank you. For our birthdays, we get a text if we are lucky from my step kids. We all have a great relationship, but as I organise it all, I’m sick of getting all stressed out to afford these occasions. I know I don’t give to receive, but surely a telephone call or acknowledgment on the gifts/money would be nice. What would you do? I feel like putting my foot down, but then I go soft just before and give in and then give them all money and gifts, only for the cycle to be repeated. Thank you 🙏

OP posts:
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InMyShowgirlEra · 19/09/2025 17:03

I won't send gifts to anyone who hasn't got the courtesy to say thank you.

BusyMum47 · 19/09/2025 17:02

Purpleismyfsvouritecolour · 19/09/2025 14:04

Thank you all. What about Adult Step children?

Them too. They're adults now. It's beyond bloody rude of them not to thank you.

BusyMum47 · 19/09/2025 17:00

ShanghaiDiva · 19/09/2025 13:30

I would stop giving gifts to the adults and stop teenagers at 18. The cycle isn’t going to change unless you change it.

Exactly this! ⬆️ We buy till age 18yrs in our family & then it's just cards & well wishes!

I would immediately stop buying twice yearly gifts for rude, ungrateful arseholes who don't ever thank you or so much as even acknowledge your effort/generosity, let alone reciprocate.

LizzieSiddal · 19/09/2025 16:26

Agree with others, your H is the children’s Dad and he should be sorting his dcs cards and presents. I bet the kids know he isn’t doing anything for them at the moment and that will piss them off! (It would me anyway!).

Cherrysoup · 19/09/2025 15:59

Stop, step kids aren’t your issue, your Dh is!

nomas · 19/09/2025 14:38

Honestly, just stop it all. It’s enormously freeing.

ComfortFoodCafe · 19/09/2025 14:37

Purpleismyfsvouritecolour · 19/09/2025 14:04

Thank you all. What about Adult Step children?

No wouldnt bother either. No thank you - no gift/money especially from an adult, its not difficult to text a thank you!

Viviennemary · 19/09/2025 14:34

Stop bothering. Are they buying you presents?

WFHforevermore · 19/09/2025 14:34

Why does it have to turn into a thread about whether the DH buys his kids/family?

Thats just not the way it works in most families is it now, so dont pretend it is.

OP any relative over 16/18 isnt even acknowledging a present stop sending them. You have been very generous to do so until now.

SilverCamellia · 19/09/2025 14:32

Purpleismyfsvouritecolour · 19/09/2025 14:04

Thank you all. What about Adult Step children?

Let your husband sort it out.

Roosch · 19/09/2025 14:19

Purpleismyfsvouritecolour · 19/09/2025 14:04

Thank you all. What about Adult Step children?

Those aren’t your responsibility. Don’t buy for his side of the family, especially if not reciprocated. You’re being taken for a mug.

You can both send a combined “happy birthday” text to adults who don’t reciprocate.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 19/09/2025 14:13

Hand the responsibility over to your husband. Job done.

ButSheSaid · 19/09/2025 14:09

Does your husband buy gifts for your relatives?
You don't need to buy gifts for these people, they have two parents who are free to get gifts for them and correct them on their poor manners.
Tell your husband from now on you will each be responsible for sorting gifts for your own relatives.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 19/09/2025 14:08

My cousins stopped getting gifts from me when I found they just never, ever said thank you. I didn’t even get a thanks for cash. Ungrateful. I spent the money on people who appreciated their presents instead.

Goldbar · 19/09/2025 14:07

Purpleismyfsvouritecolour · 19/09/2025 14:04

Thank you all. What about Adult Step children?

Add your name to the card/present that your DH sends.

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 19/09/2025 14:07

Purpleismyfsvouritecolour · 19/09/2025 14:04

Thank you all. What about Adult Step children?

I would suggest doing a secret santa between you, your husband and the step kids.

Do a £20 limit, and then everyone is just buying one gift each.

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 19/09/2025 14:05

Stop bothering.

Original poster
Purpleismyfsvouritecolour · 19/09/2025 14:04

Thank you all. What about Adult Step children?

OP posts:
Goldbar · 19/09/2025 13:45

Card only to everyone over 18.

Card with £20 in it to under 18s.

BethBynnag86 · 19/09/2025 13:45

We stopped after the 18th,but gave for new babies and weddings.

We did eventually get a Thank You letter from one couple for their wedding present because the groom's mum-our friend- kept asking me if we'd received one.She was clearly frustrated that they hadn't been sending Thank You's to people and had been badgering them to do something about it .The letter arrived on their first anniversary -better late than never😂

CarmellaSopranosKitchen · 19/09/2025 13:42

It is rude and annoying. Especially when you are posting gifts and don;t know if they get there. I had a rude nephew 19 and when a gave him a gift in person - that also had a hefty value Amazon voucher in it - despite me giving it in front of him - he never said thank you. I went to get a drink and saw he had put the gift aside so said to him - did you see the voucher too, and he said - 'yes'. No word of thanks. Now I buy myself nice each year with the money i would have spent on him, or book a facial and I simply do not care.

LizzieSiddal · 19/09/2025 13:36

I stopped sending money to neices and nephews who didn’t acknowledge receipt, at 18. I have continued with the ones who send thank yous and they are now in their 20s, so the rude ones are missing out!

PurpleThistle7 · 19/09/2025 13:36

I think it’s fair to change the assumptions when everyone involved is an adult. Giving a child an unreciprocated gift is expected but once they’re teenagers they should put in some sort of effort (doesn’t have to be financial - something homemade or thoughtful is fine!)

Id just stop this year and treat yourself.

PoppyFleur · 19/09/2025 13:35

Stop doing it. No need for a discussion or debate just stop doing it. Don’t feel guilty, there is nothing to feel guilty about; if the recipients appreciated the gifts they would be in touch. Save your money and if you find yourself caving in ask yourself why you are so eager to continue with a tradition that no one appreciates and that you don’t enjoy.

Meadowfinch · 19/09/2025 13:34

If they can't even be bothered to say thanks, I'd stop all presents for anyone over 18 (or possibly 21 if still in education).

Anyone below that age, send them £20 in a xmas card.