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AIBU?

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Original poster

Opinion on finances

33 replies

Frenchie909 · 19/09/2025 11:27

Myself and DP pay into a joint account each month and take an equal amount for individual spending. I earn a higher salary so pay more into the joint account but he has paid more of a house deposit in the past due to inheritance. I was a low earner before we got together so never had much savings and before we agreed the joint account set up, I was paying a larger split of the bills and mortgage to compensate for the deposit.
When we agreed the current finance set up it was said that we could do what we want with our individual money and this made things fairer. I've had a few holidays this year and was planning to go away with parents for my birthday. They'd be covering the accomodation cost for me. DP is now kicking up fuss that I should be paying more into household account like before if I can afford to go on so many holidays so I've told my parents I can't go. I don't really feel this is fair as we agreed the money we each kept can be spent on whatever we want. AIBU?

OP posts:
flipent · 19/09/2025 12:01

Sounds like he's not happy with the financial set up - which is fine, but needs to be discussion about it - not dictating how you spend money which has been agreed is yours to spend.

Why not suggest this:

  • Everything into the joint account (but he does not get to hold the deposit over your head any longer)
  • Agreed sum or % into savings, which are also joint and are only spent when you both agree (home improvements etc)
  • Agreed sum or % that is each of your spending money - which can't be questioned by the other.

He needs to communicate what his actual issue is - because your post sounds like he's moving to goal posts.

toomuchfaff · 19/09/2025 12:01

Frenchie909 · 19/09/2025 11:57

He thinks because he paid more initial deposit that I should contribute more I guess and then also is having a go at me for not having enough personal savings as he says this apparently also impacts him. Today I'm wishing I'd told him to f off and just booked the holiday!

You can always go back and say, having thought on this, Fuck off, im going on holiday, and no im not paying more you cheeky fkr.

Ridiculous! Is his property deposit protected? As in did you do tenants in common? If it really is a disparate amount, you could agree to calculate the amount you "owed" and what has been paid with you paying a larger monthly portion... to make it FAIR... but it seems he will find something else that isnt fair (wah wah like a petulant child)

mondaytosunday · 19/09/2025 11:58

So are you still paying more? You contradict yourself. But if you have equal amount of individual spending money I don’t understand his issue.

Original poster
Frenchie909 · 19/09/2025 11:57

He thinks because he paid more initial deposit that I should contribute more I guess and then also is having a go at me for not having enough personal savings as he says this apparently also impacts him. Today I'm wishing I'd told him to f off and just booked the holiday!

OP posts:
flipent · 19/09/2025 11:55

So when you earned less, you paid proportionally more. Now you're earning more and paying proportionally more and he's still not happy!

Tell him a 50/50 split would leave him worse off and if he doesn't like it show him the door. Sounds like a prick.

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/09/2025 11:54

If you each have an equal amount of money left over after you’ve each contributed your proportionate shares to the joint account, what’s he doing with his money that he can’t afford holidays? No, you shouldn’t put more into the joint account so that you have less fun money than he does, he needs to work out where his is going.

Original poster
Frenchie909 · 19/09/2025 11:50

toomuchfaff · 19/09/2025 11:33

When we agreed the current finance set up it was said that we could do what we want with our individual money

Why is he jealous? Does he have no hobbies, no family, no invites? Is it that he doesn't like you doing things without him, or does he want you to join him in his sorrow? What is his problem with you doing things? Is it that he thinks you don't dedicate enough time to him?

I earn a higher salary so pay more into the joint account

You already pay more, does he think you should be paying EVEN MORE? how much is enough, should you just give everything to the joint fund and do nothing?

I have no idea! We went on holiday together recently but yes he thinks I should go back to paying more if I have enough money to go away again despite the fact most of it's being paid for me. I probably shouldn't be spending savings to go away again but I feel that it's my decision as we have separate joint savings you know

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 19/09/2025 11:33

When we agreed the current finance set up it was said that we could do what we want with our individual money

Why is he jealous? Does he have no hobbies, no family, no invites? Is it that he doesn't like you doing things without him, or does he want you to join him in his sorrow? What is his problem with you doing things? Is it that he thinks you don't dedicate enough time to him?

I earn a higher salary so pay more into the joint account

You already pay more, does he think you should be paying EVEN MORE? how much is enough, should you just give everything to the joint fund and do nothing?

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