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Original poster

Help, I’m pregnant and don’t want to be

188 replies

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 06:51

Hi everyone, I’m posting her for traffic as I really need some advice.

I am 26. I’m in a low paid job, I live at home and I want to go travelling within the next year (probably around work, with cheaper weekend breaks and longer weekends instead of the full six months off work backpacking). My parents are happy with this arrangement and are actively encouraging it - they want me to see the world before I settle down to a husband and children and a mortgage.

I have just got back from a holiday and in all the excitement I didn’t realise I’d missed my period. I checked last night and it’s nearly two weeks late. I took a test this morning and it’s a big old positive.

I can’t have a child at the moment. I am not financially, emotionally or physically prepared to have one. But I also can’t reach out to my mum for advice, I have always been a big supporter of women’s right to choose and she has always been pretty clear that she doesn’t agree with abortion. For her or anyone else.

I don’t know what to do now. Do I tell my GP? Do I need to tell the dad? He’s a mutual friend and I would be able to reach out, but I kind of worry that he would want to have the baby, which I definitely don’t want to do.

I know a lot of people will tell me I’m irresponsible for allowing this to happen, or that I’m selfish for not wanting to continue the pregnancy because I want to travel, but what are the next steps?? Who do I contact?

OP posts:
Original poster
HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 07:05

RhaenysRocks · 19/09/2025 07:04

If you were travelling it's easy to lose track and if this was a casual encounter then condoms really ought to be used also to protect against STDs. Surely you know this? Anyway, by the by now. There really is no point in looking back, only forward. Next steps.

I wasnt travelling at the time.

OP posts:
RhaenysRocks · 19/09/2025 07:04

If you were travelling it's easy to lose track and if this was a casual encounter then condoms really ought to be used also to protect against STDs. Surely you know this? Anyway, by the by now. There really is no point in looking back, only forward. Next steps.

ShesTheAlbatross · 19/09/2025 07:03

You don’t have to speak to your GP if you don’t want to. You can call either Marie Stopes or BPAS - one of them will cover your area, if you call the wrong one they’ll direct you to the other one. They can also offer counselling if you want it.

My two cents, if you are sure you want an abortion, is that if you aren’t going to tell your parents (which is absolutely your right), ask for a surgical abortion, and have it as early as they’ll do it. I’ve had one at 6 weeks, and physically speaking it was extremely simple. I was in the room for less than 10 mins, actual procedure was less than two mins, and then I had light bleeding for a few days after.

Lelophants · 19/09/2025 07:03

This is very early days op so even a lot of anti abortion people are understanding of it at this stage. Just in case thet helps with any guilt. Get it sorter sooner rather than later but I also wonder if you need to get therapy to sort out how you feel about it all as you don’t want your mum’s views to infiltrate you later on in life mentally.

Original poster
HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 07:01

RhaenysRocks · 19/09/2025 06:59

If it was due to carelessness rather than a contraceptive failure then do learn from this yes, especially if you're going travelling and may have some random encounters (nothing wrong with that). But nothing to be gained from beating yourself up. Its happened, so deal. That's what a adulting is. You can do this, add it to your life experiences and move on.

I am 99.99999% sure i was protected, as I take my pill religiously, but obviously now I can’t be sure!

OP posts:
SunSparkle · 19/09/2025 07:00

Marie stopes or BPAS should be able to get you an appointment to discuss your options depending on your gestation. It’s your body and your choice.

RhaenysRocks · 19/09/2025 06:59

If it was due to carelessness rather than a contraceptive failure then do learn from this yes, especially if you're going travelling and may have some random encounters (nothing wrong with that). But nothing to be gained from beating yourself up. Its happened, so deal. That's what a adulting is. You can do this, add it to your life experiences and move on.

Original poster
HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 06:57

ComfortFoodCafe · 19/09/2025 06:54

You need to contact your gp who will put you in touch with the correct service. Your not selfish at all, not even a smidge.

Thank you, I’ll give them a call today on my way to work

OP posts:
Original poster
HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 06:56

Sirzy · 19/09/2025 06:53

Do you have a friend you can reach out to? Ideally you need someone in real life who can hand hold throughout the next few weeks. Virtual hand holds are great but can’t replace the real thing.

Make a GP appointment to discuss things and arrange for next steps.

Telling the father is up to you, if you think he will be supportive great if you think he will add the stress then don’t. You need to put yourself first.

Take care and good luck

I’m going to tell my best friend later, she lives about an hour away but I think she’d come over if I needed.

I just feel like I’ve failed a bit. This wasn’t a part of the plan

OP posts:
RhaenysRocks · 19/09/2025 06:56

Your local family planning clinic. Just call them. They'll help you talk through options and decide and book an appointment. I actually don't think you need to tell the dad at this point if you are sure you'll be terminating. He can't override your choice so what would be gained from doing so? Realistically he's highly unlikely to tell you he'll step up and take the child. It's a shame you can't confide in your mum but that's a dynamic none of us can comment on as we don't know you or her. Stay calm, one step at a time. Make the call today. This is definitely one problem that you can't ignore.

parietal · 19/09/2025 06:55

Look up BPAS and Marie Stopes. If you can’t get to your gp, you can also call them and get information about your options.

ComfortFoodCafe · 19/09/2025 06:54

You need to contact your gp who will put you in touch with the correct service. Your not selfish at all, not even a smidge.

Sirzy · 19/09/2025 06:53

Do you have a friend you can reach out to? Ideally you need someone in real life who can hand hold throughout the next few weeks. Virtual hand holds are great but can’t replace the real thing.

Make a GP appointment to discuss things and arrange for next steps.

Telling the father is up to you, if you think he will be supportive great if you think he will add the stress then don’t. You need to put yourself first.

Take care and good luck

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