Page 5 | Help, I’m pregnant and don’t want to be

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 2025-09-19T05:51:15+00:00

Hi everyone, I’m posting her for traffic as I really need some advice. I am 26. I’m in a low paid job, I live at home and I want to go travelling within the next year (probably around work, with cheaper weekend breaks and longer weekends instead of the full six months off work backpacking). My parents are happy with this arrangement and are actively encouraging it - they want me to see the world before I settle down to a husband and children and a mortgage. I have just got back from a holiday and in all the excitement I didn’t realise I’d missed my period. I checked last night and it’s nearly two weeks late. I took a test this morning and it’s a big old positive. I can’t have a child at the moment. I am not financially, emotionally or physically prepared to have one. But I also can’t reach out to my mum for advice, I have always been a big supporter of women’s right to choose and she has always been pretty clear that she doesn’t agree with abortion. For her or anyone else. I don’t know what to do now. Do I tell my GP? Do I need to tell the dad? He’s a mutual friend and I would be able to reach out, but I kind of worry that he would want to have the baby, which I definitely don’t want to do. I know a lot of people will tell me I’m irresponsible for allowing this to happen, or that I’m selfish for not wanting to continue the pregnancy because I want to travel, but what are the next steps?? Who do I contact?

Original poster

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 10:33

Tippexy · 19/09/2025 10:32

You have mentioned a few times that your parents approve of you going travelling. You’re 26. You don’t need their approval. You also don’t need to tell your mum about this, especially if she is opposed to abortions. I would consider thinking about how you can step away from the enmeshment a little bit. Best of luck.

By approve I mean they are happy for me to live at home to be able to do it - of course I need that because otherwise I’d be stuck renting and spending all of my wage on rent, bills and food, unable to do anything else! They could easily say that if I want to travel I have to pay market rent!

OP posts:

Tippexy · 19/09/2025 10:32

You have mentioned a few times that your parents approve of you going travelling. You’re 26. You don’t need their approval. You also don’t need to tell your mum about this, especially if she is opposed to abortions. I would consider thinking about how you can step away from the enmeshment a little bit. Best of luck.

Original poster

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 10:29

AzureCats · 19/09/2025 10:21

I'm concerned that your mum and the dad will influence you to continue with the pregnancy. It's doesn't sound like you're in the best position to continue with a pregnancy or raise a child. If you've decided on an abortion then it's your health, body and choice. Can you just talk to a non judgemental friend first, before telling anyone else?

FWIW in my twenties I travelled loads and had a great time. I was on contraception but was always so stressed that I would become pregnant anyway. I had made up my mind from early adulthood that any unplanned pregnancy, I would have an early stage abortion ASAP. Luckily it never came to that for me as I've never been pregnant despite contraception failures like the condom coming off inside! Stressful and mortifying experience.

Abortion is healthcare OP and you have to do what's best for your own life. Your mother and potential dad can use all the right words now, to say how they'll help raise a child. But at the same end of the day, the main responsibility of parenting will always fall on you, the mother. Really wish you all the best OP.

I don’t think she’d stop me. I’ve told my best friend and I have no doubt she’ll call me on my lunch break, but I also just want my mum. She’d be upset, but I dont think it would be at the point that she would physically stop me.

OP posts:

AzureCats · 19/09/2025 10:21

I'm concerned that your mum and the dad will influence you to continue with the pregnancy. It's doesn't sound like you're in the best position to continue with a pregnancy or raise a child. If you've decided on an abortion then it's your health, body and choice. Can you just talk to a non judgemental friend first, before telling anyone else?

FWIW in my twenties I travelled loads and had a great time. I was on contraception but was always so stressed that I would become pregnant anyway. I had made up my mind from early adulthood that any unplanned pregnancy, I would have an early stage abortion ASAP. Luckily it never came to that for me as I've never been pregnant despite contraception failures like the condom coming off inside! Stressful and mortifying experience.

Abortion is healthcare OP and you have to do what's best for your own life. Your mother and potential dad can use all the right words now, to say how they'll help raise a child. But at the same end of the day, the main responsibility of parenting will always fall on you, the mother. Really wish you all the best OP.

Original poster

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 09:58

SweetnsourNZ · 19/09/2025 09:55

If I was you op I wouldn't tell anyone if you dont want your mum finding out. Secrets have a habit of getting out and I think your mum would be doubly hurt to find out later. The clinic will have counseling available if you need it but if you really don't want a baby you should be fine.

I’m going to tell her tonight

OP posts:

Plastictreees · 19/09/2025 09:57

OP you are not a failure and you are still so young and have your whole life ahead of you! You aren’t being selfish. It is totally fine to terminate your pregnancy. Give yourself the most opportunity and freedom to get to where you want to be in life. Of course this is a difficult and emotional time for you, but you will come out the other side.

SweetnsourNZ · 19/09/2025 09:55

If I was you op I wouldn't tell anyone if you dont want your mum finding out. Secrets have a habit of getting out and I think your mum would be doubly hurt to find out later. The clinic will have counseling available if you need it but if you really don't want a baby you should be fine.

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 19/09/2025 09:51

Abortion is healthcare. Healthcare is private. You don’t have to tell anyone about a perfectly legal, perfectly normal, medical procedure. It’s your business, not his.

Grannysmithss · 19/09/2025 09:44

Just want to share my experience, I had an abortion as I fell Pregnant when my firstborn was still tiny. I knew I couldn’t give my daughter the love and attention that she needed if I had another baby so soon. Plus the dad wasn’t much help (not together now) don’t ever feel guilty for making a decision that is right for you at the time. The anti abortion tribe really make my blood boil as it’s usually men who have that opinion and until you have been in that situation you cannot possibly understand how difficult it is to go through. I mainly felt relief and still don’t regret it, it doesn’t have to be a drama honestly,

take care

Anchorage56 · 19/09/2025 09:41

There is nothing wrong with having an abortion if that is what you want. You also dont need to tell anyone if you dont want to. I had one as a teenager. I just went to my doctor and they made the appointments.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 19/09/2025 09:37

StewkeyBlue · 19/09/2025 08:20

OP, I’m sorry you’re in this position, but luckily you know your mind, your decision, and can proceed to being ‘not pregnant’ very simply.

It doesn’t have to be a big drama, I have had a termination and felt nothing but relief, same with many people.

You are 26 years old, it is none of your parents’ business. You don’t need them to ‘be there for you’ any more than you do for a dentist appointment. But good you have a friend who will be sympathetic and supportive.

The man? Tricky. Are you in a relationship? I wouldn’t tell him if he is likely to discuss it with others or guilt trip you.

Why do you think he would want you to have the baby? Tbh if you are not in a long standing settled relationship and he is likely to pressurise you on moral and religious grounds I would question his view of women.

Good luck OP, sort this out in the quickest simplest way and enjoy your coming year travelling and sight seeing.

Agree with this entirely.

And OP multi-generational living is as old as time, nothing to be ashamed of. We have set up our home around the fact our kids may all stay living with us for prolonged periods, come back etc.

Beautifulhaiku · 19/09/2025 09:36

i haven’t read all the replies so maybe someone posted this already but this is useful from the NHS re finding a provider: https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/abortion/preparing/

You’re not a failure, please be kind to yourself. What would you say to a friend if this had happened to them?

Also completely up to you but condoms are your friend in future if you want to be really careful along with the pill, and bonus that you can avoid most STIs as well.

Take care, it’ll all be ok.

Preparing for an abortion

Find out what you need to do before having an abortion, including finding an abortion provider, and having a health check-up.

https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/abortion/preparing

Original poster

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 09:33

BuckChuckets · 19/09/2025 09:30

You're not a failure, you're still young and the economy is a mess at the moment. I second contacting BPAS or Marie Stopes, it's probably quicker than going through your GP. Having had a termination myself, I don't think I'd have liked to have gone through it on my own - have you got someone to confide in? Doesn't need to be your mum or the father.

What I would say is that it's probably a good reminder that the pill isn't infallible AND doesn't protect against STDs. Have you been tested? I'm sure many (most?) of us have had the odd slip, I know I have, but it's not worth the risk.

I trust the dad - it’s a bit of a complex situation but neither of us are really seeing anyone else. It’s all casual but I will get tested just to be safe!

OP posts:

cannynotsay · 19/09/2025 09:32

As a mum and pregnant with a second, I can honestly say if you don’t want this don’t do it. It’s ok to have an abortion I promise. X

BuckChuckets · 19/09/2025 09:31

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 09:29

Okay, I’ve referred myself to BPAS.

I’ve text my best friend and I’m telling my mum tonight, purely because I need her. Thank you to everyone for your comments about me living at home - it means a lot 🩷

Ahh, that's good!

BuckChuckets · 19/09/2025 09:30

You're not a failure, you're still young and the economy is a mess at the moment. I second contacting BPAS or Marie Stopes, it's probably quicker than going through your GP. Having had a termination myself, I don't think I'd have liked to have gone through it on my own - have you got someone to confide in? Doesn't need to be your mum or the father.

What I would say is that it's probably a good reminder that the pill isn't infallible AND doesn't protect against STDs. Have you been tested? I'm sure many (most?) of us have had the odd slip, I know I have, but it's not worth the risk.

Original poster

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 09:29

Okay, I’ve referred myself to BPAS.

I’ve text my best friend and I’m telling my mum tonight, purely because I need her. Thank you to everyone for your comments about me living at home - it means a lot 🩷

OP posts:

Blueuggboots · 19/09/2025 09:27

It is your body and your choice what you do. Please seek support.

Summerhillsquare · 19/09/2025 08:44

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 06:56

I’m going to tell my best friend later, she lives about an hour away but I think she’d come over if I needed.

I just feel like I’ve failed a bit. This wasn’t a part of the plan

Show quote history

Look, about a third of women have an abortion overall, you're hardly in an unusual position. What help is beating yourself up? Just get on to one of the many women's health services, you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to.

Original poster

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 08:43

ThisLemonHare · 19/09/2025 08:39

The housing market, high cost of living and low wages are brutal for young adults at the moment. Living with parents is a very common situation that will only become more common. You shouldn't feel like a failure.

I think it’s hard because a lot of people seem to expect that you move out as soon as you finish uni - but it’s just not possible. I wouldn’t be able to afford to live on my current wage. Of course I’m going to work to improve it and go for jobs as they come up, but it’s not something I can change right now. I pay into my pension and I have a plan to save while also saving for travels, and then after a year I’ll reassess and see where I am and where I can get to. But owning property definitely isn’t my priority right now. My brother didn’t buy his first home until he was 37!

OP posts:

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 19/09/2025 08:43

You’re not in the right place to have a baby - financially or emotionally. Don’t feel guilty about terminating. You don’t need to tell the father, or your mum. I wish you all the best.

ThisLemonHare · 19/09/2025 08:39

The housing market, high cost of living and low wages are brutal for young adults at the moment. Living with parents is a very common situation that will only become more common. You shouldn't feel like a failure.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 19/09/2025 08:39

I had an abortion at 28 - was fine. Never think about.

OhMyGiddyAnt · 19/09/2025 08:35

OP, as everyone else has said. Just get an abortion. It’s easy and there is no need for it to be a problem. Also, you are only 26 and it sounds like you are a bright and hardworking person. That’s good! Enjoy your travels and don’t worry about having lived at home.

DisappearingGirl · 19/09/2025 08:33

Agree with everyone else re termination so I wanted to talk about the other stuff.

You are NOT a failure for living with your parents or not having a super fancy job at 26. If your family all get on well and you're working and doing your share of chores etc then it's no different to a house share really. Makes total financial sense instead of paying hundreds per month renting. I think it's very common to live at home for a while after uni. In past generations most people lived at home until they got married.

I guess the point the other poster was making was that it can be easy to "drift" a bit at home so it's worth making sure you actively get out and meet people, save up for the future etc.

Personally I think your plan to do some travelling alongside working/saving is a great plan at age 26.