Help, I’m pregnant and don’t want to be

It’s your choice, OP, and as you know a pregnancy now is not right for you now then I don’t see any point in telling the father.

Re, the pill- it was hammered into me 40 years ago that the pill can fail in certain circumstances but I’ve had pregnant students over the years who said they were never told this.

A bout of vomiting or diarrhoea can reduce the pill’s effectiveness as that day’s dose is in effect lost. Some antibiotics also stop the pill from working. You always need to have condoms in case you’re in this situation.

It’s a shame that you won’t receive support from your own DM, but it sounds like you have a good friend to turn to. It sounds as though you are clearing your mind about what is best for you - I hope you get an appointment quickly

1. Please stop beating yourself up and calling yourself a failure - you're not.
2. This choice is yours and yours alone. You don't have to apologise or to explain your decision to anyone. You don't want to continue with the pregnancy and that's fine. It's your body, your future, your choice.
3. I wouldn't tell the DF. Just do what you need to do and carry on with your life and your plans, which don't include having a baby right now.
4. It will be fine. Honestly

I totally understand and I hope I didn’t upset you at all it wasn’t my intention, you have to do what is right for you I just wanted to help with relevant information either way

There's more costs to a baby than nusery fees like milk nappies? If OP can't afford this then nursery is the least of her worries

Far better to tell nobody at all, and just get on with it.

Perhaps you should rtft.OP did mention nursery cost. I’m not projecting - I’m offering facts and information so that OP has everything she may need to make an informed choice. Often costs are a huge factor in this kind of decision and i wanted OP to be aware of help available as nursery expense was mentioned. I also gave an opinion on the procedure itself earlier in the thread, i was trying to be helpful.

I really wouldn't tell her OP especially as you're vulnerable and her reaction could make you feel worse. Would she kick you out because if you're on a low wage and she kicks you out you might struggle so just think through all the options but I personally wouldn't tell her.

Im in my late 20s and I work with colleagues who are in the early 30s who haven't bought a house down and still go out drinking like their 18 every weekend everyone moves at their own pace their isn't a rush for you to sort your life out. PP's are forgetting the reality for our generation is different.

because the anxiety surrounding not being ready to have a baby and being pregnant can easily be eradicated by the availability of 85% nursery fees?

OP didnt say that she was worried about nursery fees. Read the room, with all kindness, stop projecting.

It’s your decision, but I feel like you should be extremely cautious about telling your Mum, especially if you’re going to be telling a supportive friend anyway.

My sister got pregnant is similar circs to you- a couple of years younger, but a minimum wage job and still living at home, and pregnant when in a very casual relationship.

Our mum had always been SO supportive of every life decision and worked through every problem with us both, and was also vehemently pro choice on the face of it. Neither of us could have anticipated that she would react so badly to my sister having an abortion. But she did. She put so, so much pressure on my sister to continue with the pregnancy, saying that my sister was being selfish because our parents would support her and would happily have the baby live in their house etc, whilst ignoring that this just wasn’t what my sister bloody wanted.

It was a truly horrible, horrible time. Our Mum fundamentally put her own needs and desires (that she was a bit bored/lost after retiring basically, and would have loved a Grandchild) and she just absolutely flipped in a way which still astonishes me and my sister 12 years on.

It absolutely destroyed their relationship for a few years- my sister had to move out, and they weren’t speaking at all, and though they are on friendly terms once again it undoubtedly permanently changed their relationship. It also changed my relationship with her, as the fundamental trust I’d had in her just went. Our Dad’s relationship with our Mum was badly affected too for a time, as he was entirely calm and supportive of my sister doing what she thought was best.

if you know your Mum had fertility issues and know that she is not pro choice, I think you should expect that it is more likely than not than she will not react well to you having an abortion.

Take care of yourself and put your own first at every turn in this situation.

You've had good advice regarding how to proceed, but I just wanted to add my support - of course you're not being selfish, and I wish you all the best going forward.

Tell nobody, organise the abortion, have the abortion.

https: // www dot nhs dot uk/tests-and-treatments/abortion/preparing/

RTFT or at least all the OP's posts for God's sake!

Speak to your GP as they'll know what needs to be done in regards to a referal and have a friend who can keep it hush from others to support you. It wouldn't be fair to tell the Dad as you are confident in your decision to have an abortion so best to leave him out of it.

You would be I think you can do an online calculator to find out. If you feel it’s relevant to you but otherwise ignore me - I just didn’t want you to make a decision with that as a big factor then find out later on you may have been able to get help with fees

Are you prepared for the emotional fallout if your mother gets very upset about the abortion or tries to guilt you? You said she’s anti-abortion so just think carefully if telling her before the fact is going to help or harm you

These things happen OP.

you don’t need to tell the father. Your GP will refer you to the relevant service and offer counselling. I strongly recommend you take it. Good luck.

Just so you are aware if you get UC they pay up to 85% of nursery fees. Not saying that for any reason other than making sure you have all the facts for your decision making process

In relation to contraception, it can be impacted by anything that impacts your gut, so Antibiotics, diarrhoea, vomiting, weightloss injection, anything that impacts your gut makes it less effective. For future, anything impacting your gut needs you to have more protection.

Good luck, don't beat yourself up.

I would by pass the gp completely and self refer to bpas. They do everything over the phone or they did in 2023 when I used the service

She cant stop you anyway! Not least because you are an adult.

I totally support your actions; similar happened to me but in my case the condom broke.

Be prepared to mourn at random times and in the early days, around newborns. Don't let it stop you acting, just accept you could feel grief. If this worries you I will be honest and say that although in my case I was with the guy, he was a bit of a rebound relationship and I went off him seriously quickly - I aborted as I didn't want to be tied to him for life. It sounds like your father is cool and someone you'd be happy to know forever, so bear that in mind. You could always put the baby up for adoption. If you are telling others I think you have to tell him, or accept that the relationship may end if he ever finds out.

I was given a GA for the surgical procedure but it's super quick so you don't need much. You wake feeling fresh and I didn't vomit like I have with later GAs for longer procedures. I agree with PPs though that if pills are still an option, obviously do that. They may well be.

I have had two healthy children since, when I was in the right place. I don't grieve now, beyond sorrow and regret at my actions. In the early days I could be triggered and cry intensely for short periods. I'm telling you this so you are prepared and not to guilt trip you.

You haven't failed.
You are simply pregnant and dont want to be, thats all.

Arrange the abortion - go for the pills it will most likely be like a heavy period. This is no one elses business but yours.

DO NOT TELL THE MAN - He cannot and must not be able to try to change what YOU want to do.