Help, I’m pregnant and don’t want to be

My daughter is 25 and still living at home, the cost of housing is shocking right now. She also wants to travel for a bit before settling down. If she found herself in the same predicament I’d be supporting her with whatever choice she was making.

Do what you need to do to for your own well being. There is plenty of time to settle down in the coming years. Babies do change your life forever and it is a decision that needs to be make carefully.

I had a surgical abortion many years ago, my eldest two children were still toddlers and we were about to be made homeless and had no idea what the future held. When I found myself accidentally pregnant with a third, although I wasn’t against the idea of having a baby our circumstances were so unstable I aborted. The procedure was done under sedation and it was fairly quick. The embryo was about 8 weeks. Recovery was straight forward although I did get some cramping the following day.

I would also be worried about this too. With my own mum telling her about an abortion would definitely affect our relationship with her very possibly asking that I move out so it’s better OP of oh all eventualities before telling her mum.

Oh my goodness.

First off by saying this. You are not a failure.

Not all of us do things the 'traditional' way of getting married, having children etc. Times have changed and we've moved forward from women getting married and staying at home with the kids. Obviously, people still can and do do this.

But with the times changing and moving, it also allows us to have more control over our bodies, e.g. abortion.

I'm late 30s now but by your age I had three children. Now, I don't regret having them but it's been difficult. Me and dh didn't have any preparations for children and it's been amazing but we've had to work so hard to be able to provide our children with the life they need and deserve.

We've had to both continue working full time, our lives are still very full on and busy and will be for a few years yet.

As I said, I don't regret our children. I do wish I had travelled, been on adventures I've always wanted to go on and have a little bit more prepared than we did.

A few years ago, my contraception failed. I had an abortion because it wouldn't have been fair on anyone. Not fair on our kids, not fair on dh, not fair on me and it wouldn't have been fair if we had the baby.

I was able to come to terms with it easily because I knew it was the right thing to do. My dh knows and nobody else (apart from now). You tell who you want to, and move on from it.

Sending all the support in the world x

No contraceptive is 100% effective so even taking it exactly as you should, pregnancy can happen.

I don’t want to tell you what to do, but I really wouldn’t tell the father, or your own parents. You’re in the midst of it now. Let it happen and then think later about whether you want to tell any of them. You can’t untell them.

I’ve never been through a medical abortion, but can’t you just tell your parents you’re having a bad period or even a stomach bug if you’re so unwell you need to tell them anything? And depend on your best friend for emotional support.

Sending respect and hugs. You’ve got this.

I’m glad you’re feeling more in control now.
Did you tell your workplace?

You definitely have nothing to be ashamed about. You aren’t irresponsible either - quite the opposite.

This is a situation where your feelings and thoughts are the priority, not your parents’ or the dad’s. You need to decide what’s right for you and take it from there. If that’s an abortion, contact your GP- I wouldn’t bother telling anyone including the dad in this case.

Did she have the child?

Oh and definitely do not tell the “father”.

Do not give away your private medical information.

Don’t give anyone leverage against you. Friends today can be your worst enemy in 10 years.

I just want to say you are doing the right thing by not telling your parents. Like you my mum is very anti choice, to the point she can’t hear the word abortion without going into a rant about it so I always knew that if I ended up pregnant I would be alone in making a decision too. The man involved doesn’t need to know unless you decide you want to tell him. It is your medical procedure, your body and your business.

When do your parents go on holiday? I would Google abortion services and your area, and get the ball rolling as soon as possible. If you have any doubt the abortion services provide pregnancy counselling where you are able to explore your feelings in a non judgmental and non biased environment, do take the opportunity to talk it out if possible to put your mind at rest. You are not selfish for deciding that this isn’t the time for a baby and you are still so young, absolutely travel and enjoy yourself. Let us know how you get on, best wishes 🌺

Hope you’re OK, what a tough situation for you.

Just seen that you work in a hospital too.

I would really recommend that you tell absolutely no one (or as few people as possible). You don’t want people to have this information on you as they might use it against you in the future (even your friend or sister/mum). Sorry.

You are not selfish or a failure. These things happen. It shows great courage and maturity to follow your heart. It would be much worse to bring an unwanted child in the world 💖

If you've only missed your period by 2 weeks they will likely offer you a pill/pessiary termination.

I have had a termination like this, and it was much less invasive/painful than a surgical termination, but it can be messy as you have to pass the material vaginally so you'll need to stock up on pain killers, and some heavy flow sanitary pads, and write yourself off work for a week.

I honestly wouldn't tell the dad. Why does he need to know?

At this stage it's just a bundle of cells that bare no resemblance to a human, and a thickened uterine lining.

I never regretted my termination. I don't think of the what ifs or what could be. I didn't view it as a baby. I feel no sadness thinking back about it.

Honestly, don't panic. You are young, you know what you want from life, and this is entirely resolvable.

You clearly know your mind so the quickest thing is probably to find an abortion clinic - quicker than GP. Don’t tell the father unless you’re planning to stay together. It’ll be fine but make the calls now.

Op I really don't think many people would say you are selfish - abortion is completely normal and legal.

Do whatever you need to. you don't have to tell the man.

Yes, see how you feel. Get a hot water bottle, chocolate and a good film. Thinking of you OP 💕

Make sure you have time to stay at home and rest a bit. They’ll go through everything with you but I took mine late afternoon and needed to rest home all that evening. I didn’t feel up to much the next day but that was more emotional than anything.
Honestly, if you’re set on telling your mum, I would be inclined to wait until after you’ve taken the (second?) tablet. Many, many women have been through this, you’re not alone.