Is it as easy as mindset?

I don’t think it’s necessarily about mindset.

You’ve only got to look at Covid to see that illness affects people so differently and people have wildly different symptom's

When my husband gets a cold it’s a sniffle, when I get a cold I’m an absolute streaming snotty mess, when my son gets a cold he gets a terrible cough and earache. I don’t think any of us would take to bed, but there is definitely varying levels of illness.

Some people definitely suffer with worse symptoms than others.

My mum refused to allow us to stay in bed or be off school no matter how sick we were. She was of the “getting up and getting some fresh air will cure it” persuasion. All that’s left me with is an inability to look after myself properly when I need to.

I agree with the sentiment here about what you were taught about how to handle illness influences your attitude towards it.

I remember being (silently!) a little surprised that a fellow school mum was keeping her DD ‘off for a week’ for a mild cold. This girl has had tonnes of time off over the years. I wonder what lessons she’s learning about the balance between caring for herself (which is important, I agree) and resilience / being reliable and turning up.

I’ve always been a turn up and crack on type of person but in the last couple of years I’ve questioned whether that’s actually always helping me.

I think there’s probably a balance to be struck.

Because I catch these things from DH, just like I used to catch them from DC when they started nursery.

What do you think "the sniffles" is, exactly?!

How do you know “exactly the same virus”

they got the sniffles and felt a bit ropey

you got a full blown cold and “hacking cough”

No it doesn't. DH and DC get a cold - they feel ropey for a couple of days. I get a cold - I'm ill for a week, then I develop a hacking cough (I don't smoke).

Exactly the same virus, different outcomes.

Op you suffer from lots of chronic and long standing ailments. You probably feel that everyone is judging you because work are implying that you’ll be out on your ear if you continue with this absence rate / adjustment requests, and not great friends are maybe getting a bit tired of listening to you very reasonably complaining about fact your life so dominated by ill health.

So distance yourself from these kinds of friends.

as for work… I am afraid no advice

Exactly

Well, I think that’s true!
Some people are stronger than others. Fact of life. Doesn’t mean those who are weaker should be disparaged.

I don’t think mindset makes a difference when it comes to getting sick, but I also don’t think that lying round in bed moaning and groaning at the first sign of a sniffle is helpful either.

For me, there’s something quite off-putting about a grown adult who can’t handle a cold without a whole load of drama and complaints.

Staying in bed with a cold usually makes me feel worse so I have learned over the years that I feel better if I dose up and just get on with my day (I am 55). The fresh air helps, too.

I had 'flu a couple of years ago. I spent the best part of a week on the sofa with that.

I was definitely raised this way; my dad ran his own business. I can't remember him ever not going to work because he was unwell with a cold or even having a cold, actually! He was the kind of person who would have said that it's better to go outside and get some fresh air rather than stay in bed.

I think it probably is mindset but maybe that mindset depends on how you are raised and what the norm was in your family?

I don’t think mindset changes whether you get ill or not (psychosomatic illness aside) but some people are much more bloody minded than others and will ‘just get on with it’. Some people don’t have a choice, of course - single parents, people without paid sick leave.

Rubbish. I mean sometimes I have a cold and I can push through even though I feel rough. I think that might be what she’s on about. However sometimes it’s a bad cold or a migraine and I feel awful and need some time off work etc.
Mindset will not fix headache, body aches, sore throat, fever etc. It’s just levels of how ill you are and maybe she never gets it that bad.

I’m not sure which round the poll was. I said YABU to think it’s just a case of mind over matter, or your friend is BU at least. Some people are just more fragile than others it seems. We also have particular weaknesses. If I get ill I usually get a pounding headache with it. My DH gets a really sore throat. I’m sure some people do give in to feeling ill too easily, but I think the majority of people who say it’s about frame of mind are just lucky enough to have a strong constitution.

It also depends how often you get things. I have a chronic sinus condition that makes me partial to getting colds. I have to keep going or I'd be having days off several times per year. There's a big difference between a cold (which I'd define as blocked/runny nose, sneezing, headache) and a fever where you can't control your body temperature, you lose your appetite and you need to sleep regardless of the time of day. The latter I go to bed for. Luckily not had one of those since Covid 3 years ago.

It is experienced differently by different people.

I had a camera up my nose and down my throat as I regularly lose my voice. It was difficult. Turns out I have unusually narrow twisty sinuses, which explains why with every cold, blowing my nose achieves nothing and I feel as if I’ve been hit in the face with a brick.

If you have different shaped sinuses, you’ll feel much better.

However, I clearly remember being in school staff room, fighting to stay at work, with my inhaler clutched in my hand. As we started to discuss a difficult situation you could hear my breathing change and I started to cough. So, yes I felt wretched and yes, stress was making it far worse than it needed to be.

You can’t tell someone who is floored by a cold to ‘just get on with it’. However if someone is having a lovely time being ill, they could probably actually do something useful. I have a miserable time when I’m ill 🤧. I’m best left in bed to snort and puff and pant in peace.

For some illnesses then yes, I do think a positive mindset helps to get through.

If I get a cold or similar virus, it always floors me. I’m rarely ill but am wiped out with a cold and end up in bed for a couple of days.

Migraines put me to bed. I vomit and the pain is so intense I can't do anything - luckily I haven't suffered with these for years
A simple cold I just carry on, even the symptoms you say, it's uncomfortable and I'd rather not but just get on with it 🤷🏻‍♂️

I think this is it in a nutshell.
Most people COULD carry on if their lives depended on it, but many choose not to (including most men!)
We all make our choices.

I've always tended to be a 'push through' type but what I've discovered is if I properly reat for a couple of days the cold passes quickly, when I keep going it, especially the accompanying cough drag on for weeks, so I now try to rest when ill if possible.

We're all born with different bodies and immune systems and energy levels. Some people have colds and aren't knocked for six, others are.

I take painkillers and work through migraines because thankfully mine are very mild these days (used to be worse when I was younger). A lot of colds and viruses just floor me, though. And if I try and push through I end up making myself ill for weeks or months. I do think stress is a factor.