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Original poster

Husbands chastity cage

469 replies

BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 21:21

I recently found a metal chastity cage (for a males anatomy) in my husbands cupboard. Obviously a bit of a shock.

For background - marriage isn't good, no sex for over 2 years, separate beds, talk of separating. Stayed together because of the kids tbh. I wouldn't be surprised if he was getting it elsewhere tbh. But a .... cage!? Wtf...

What would u think? I don't want to tell him I've found it (yet)

OP posts:
Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 22:23

FiveStarMadness · 18/09/2025 22:18

@BeShyPlumLeader Personally I wouldn't mention it to him. Get ducks in a row and be prepared for him to not be amicable and start to get really, really nasty. He could be a troubled individual.

What support network have you got locally? Family nearby?

Sorry to answer your question - I am very lucky to have a lot of support family wise. I have a fairly decent job and I'm very ambitious so I think things would work out in the end... but I suspect it'll be hard for a while

He has a lot of family support too. They all think he's a bloody saint 🙄

OP posts:
Needlesnah · 18/09/2025 22:23

I don’t think there’s much point confronting him. My bet is that he is seeing someone, or many someone’s, in the flesh or online. Either way it’s time to get rid.

Hankunamatata · 18/09/2025 22:23

Oow im thinking flower arragement. Few flowers places through cage in his bedroom.....

Heylittlesongbird · 18/09/2025 22:23

BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 21:56

Well... perhaps not lol

But the man refuses to engage with me about separating unless I back him into a corner, and when I do he will then start to tell me all the things I (and my teenage daughter) do wrong. He is, in his eyes, perfect and can do no wrong. Yet he has bondage equipment sat in his wardrobe, hidden but not particularly out of reach of our small children if they decided to go hunting.

So forgive me for being slightly curious about other people's opinions on it ay?

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Was the bondage equipment something that was a part of your marriage, or is that also a shock? Because it seems to me like the bondage equipment and the chastity cage seem like they go together, and I'm surprised that you've just thrown the bondage part in as a bit of an afterthought.

DrowningInSyrup · 18/09/2025 22:23

RampantIvy · 18/09/2025 21:36

I have led a sheltered life. I have never heard of such a thing. I can't imagine what one looks like or how it is affixed, and I am not going to google 😯

Same!

TheGander · 18/09/2025 22:22

FiveStarMadness · 18/09/2025 22:08

Think of a penis ring with a cage attached, there is space between the ring and cage for the balls. It looks barbaric but certain folks like that sort of thing...

@BeShyPlumLeader it's a shock to find, what do you want to do?

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So the penis goes in the cage and the balls hang outside 🤔?

Ilovelurchers · 18/09/2025 22:22

BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 22:03

If anything he was always more dominant in bed. As well as bloody selfish.

Like I say it's been over two years since we had sex though

Show quote history

I was going to ask you this, actually! Strange that he came across as more dominant, but then I guess some people switch depending on the partner.

I can remember when my first husband and I were still living together but separated and I found his hardcore porn stash. I was a bit pissed off to be honest because I object to porn full stop, but when I thought about it I decided that as we weren't sleeping together and never would be again, it was up to him really.

It's totally natural to be shocked/curious OP, but if you are definitely planning to leave I really don't think you need to do anything about this. Either put it back where you found it, or if you think there is a genuine risk the kids might find it (though would they know what it was?) you maybe need to fess up to finding it and ask him to be more discrete in future.

Did you have a legit reason to go in his wardrobe, or could you invent one? Not judging you for snooping (It's not ideal I have done so before in similar circumstances to satisfy my curiosity). But he will likely be very pissed off - I have bought sex toys for my own use when getting ready to leave a relationship (vibes etc) and wouldn't have been happy if partner had "confronted"me about them.

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 22:21

FiveStarMadness · 18/09/2025 22:18

@BeShyPlumLeader Personally I wouldn't mention it to him. Get ducks in a row and be prepared for him to not be amicable and start to get really, really nasty. He could be a troubled individual.

What support network have you got locally? Family nearby?

If I'm honest part of the reason I haven't said anything is because of exactly this. I suspect he would get nasty (in his usual passive aggressive way) and attempt to drag my name through the mud. But I have this in my locker now don't I....

OP posts:
Incaseofouting · 18/09/2025 22:21

I know someone who got one for the first time recently. Into sissy porn, came out as gay after a long marriage. Have discussed at length how he uses it for self play. Not being able to get hard while being stimulated elsewhere is mind blowing apparently.

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 22:19

NotOverlypleased · 18/09/2025 22:05

A while ago I met a man (dog walking of all things) whose company manufactures these chastity cages for men. It's very local to me and I had never known. Couldn't wait to Google it when I got home. I told my work colleagues the next day and they all Googled it too, so the search history of my workplace, which is church linked, is rather eyebrow raising!

Hahaha that's brilliant. And slightly odd he told u this on the dog walk (but who am I to judge 🤣)

OP posts:
TheGander · 18/09/2025 22:19

PurpleChrayn · 18/09/2025 21:39

Did you aye?

Nice to have Scottish representation here, but what is this referring to?

FiveStarMadness · 18/09/2025 22:18

@BeShyPlumLeader Personally I wouldn't mention it to him. Get ducks in a row and be prepared for him to not be amicable and start to get really, really nasty. He could be a troubled individual.

What support network have you got locally? Family nearby?

SinnerBoy · 18/09/2025 22:17

Yes, definitely wrap the divorce papers round a banana and hang it in the kitchen.

Hes a sissy, which is why your sex life is dead - no shagging for old times sake.

SabrinaThwaite · 18/09/2025 22:17

MissPobjoysPonies · 18/09/2025 21:56

I think I’d probably go down the domineering route and be more assertive telling him what you want rather than discussing it.

if he wants a dominatrix, I’d probably take advantage of that….. not sexually but definitely for your well being.

‘I’ll take the house, half your pension and the savings accounts’ might be a good starting point.

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 22:17

AnotherDayanotherNameChangeX · 18/09/2025 22:08

Is the key there? Do you have access to his bank account? Some like to pay online can girls etc to ‘control’ their chastity belt

Nope no access to his bank account. Everything has always been kept very separate. I wondered if it could be some kind of Only Fans type thing?

OP posts:
PassTheLemonDrizzle · 18/09/2025 22:16

EchoedSilence · 18/09/2025 21:47

Put a toy mouse in it and leave it on the kitchen table.

Definitely do this!

Hope you manage to extract yourself OP. He sounds like a nightmare.

Hamster Eating GIF
Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 22:14

EmeraldShamrock000 · 18/09/2025 22:14

Rub itching powder all over it or chilli powder depending on your mood. 😅

Omg!!! I actually love this idea 🤣 bit of deep heat lol

OP posts:
Thingyfanding · 18/09/2025 22:14

EchoedSilence · 18/09/2025 21:34

Could it be a very small snake cage?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Alittlefeedbackwouldbenice · 18/09/2025 22:14

EmeraldShamrock000 · 18/09/2025 22:10

Who thinks of designing this type of contraption.
Nothing is shocking these days.

Except for the shocking cages.
Yeah they are a thing as well!

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 22:14

buttersigh · 18/09/2025 22:10

🤮

Also when posts like these turn up I always suspect there is man behind them looking to draw unsuspecting women into talking about his kinks so he can get his jollies.

There is a sex topic OP, why not post this there?

I have no way to prove it to you but I'm not a man I'm a normal mum who reads the AIBU emails that come through and just thought I'd post it.

I didn't know about the sex thread - next time I have some bizarre thing to ask I'll ask on there!

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 18/09/2025 22:14

Rub itching powder all over it or chilli powder depending on your mood. 😅

YourLemonTiger · 18/09/2025 22:13

SereneCoralDog · 18/09/2025 21:26

Is it definitely a chastity cage? Do you have any pets? Could it be to transport a small rodent?

I can't even work out if this is a serious comment but 😂

Tbf I wouldn't know what a chastity cage looks like. Is like a cricket box with a big lock on it?

Mantari · 18/09/2025 22:13

EchoedSilence · 18/09/2025 21:47

Put a toy mouse in it and leave it on the kitchen table.

🤣🤣🤣

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh yes... the man was horrible to me, and selfish in bed. But I should have put out to hold on to him! Seriously?

Like I said, we are looking to separate (instigated by me I may add), and I'm not UPSET at this find, but a bit baffled and shocked. I genuinely wondered what people would think if they found it, and if they thought it could be a joke from a friend or if he's actually into weird stuff like this.

But either way - the marriage is basically done.

OP posts:
Crole · 18/09/2025 22:11

Probably very biased because I had an ex 20 years ago who was into this kind of thing and worse but I would find it really creepy and be worried about he's been looking at online. My ex used to wear his in public and at work and I found the idea of basically involving the public in your kinks revolting. If you're not having sex, you're probably not talking about it either? I wouldn't mention it, to what end really?