Husbands never home for dinner

ah I see. The reason I asked is that I work for a large construction company, we do all types of construction work but not residential - mainly large retail/commercial properties and my lads are out for hours every day. Do you see his payslip if he’s not self employed or can you write down his ‘hours’ for a week and then see what he’s getting coming out with in wages at the end of the week?

This is what I’m thinking… there are a few similar women on here saying their partners also work late hours in construction - I hope that’s the case and not a well-known smirky shirk tactic in the industry

Do you know his salary, do you have joint accounts?

As a previous poster said it’s not the late nights or low wage/ no money - it’s the two combined that makes no sense. I’m sure your parents must be very concerned if that have voiced queries over the amount of work yet needing funds from them.

A foreman working that many hours is either rolling in it or is a very very bad businessman…. Where there is smoke there is fire and to me it sounds like he is hiding money from you ….. sorry I think you need to make long term plans for you and your kids

doesnr that tell you everything you need to know? I’d plan separating, what is there to save?

EXP was a “chef” read microwave technician in several pubs as he couldn’t hold it down at any one place for long but maintained that he was a chef. He would be “called in” for mandatory staff meetings on any given day off that we had planned to go for a day out with DD. They’d last for hours, “oh we had a menu change and had to make the new food” but didn’t even take his ‘chef whites’ in with him, which I had to wash after every shift of his, they absolutely stank, thinking about the smell still makes me feel physically sick. When he finally got home the time to have a day out was over. If he wasn’t suddenly called into a meeting he’d spend an hour in the loo just as we had to leave.
Years after me leaving him (when DD was 1) he’d try to get out of the contact he’d arranged with her with ever increasing ridiculous reasons given when he was already late. “I don’t have any clean clothes so I’ve put them in the washing machine now but I won’t be able to leave until I can get them dry”, “I need to go to my mums first to get her some ciggies” (he was already living with his mum), “I’ve shit myself so I need to go home to get new boxers and jeans”… luckily he disappeared and there’s been no contact for 5 years now. You know when they’re taking the fucking piss. And when you k ow, you get the fuck out of the situation. Maybe he’ll try the “I’ve shit myself” one. They get more and more ridiculous as an excuse for the time they’ve been absent.

also doesnt make sense that youre low on money foreman and above get more than bil and hes on a decent wage

I think what some PP are missing is that it isnt either the long hours, or the lack of money, each in isolation that are issues. Its the long hours AND the lack of money.

A five day week on minimum wage with 12 hours days would be over £2k net a month. And if he is a tradie there is no way he is on NMW (and if he is, he shouldnt be!).

@Chichi444 I was once in your position. 3 small kids and husband doing 60+ hours week, travelling abroad every six weeks if not more. And we had a comfortable life but not luxurious. But we had a goal in mind só even though it was though we had the idea of it’s until he reaches this next step of his career. It’s exhausting for you with the kids and for him I’m sorry. No real advice to give but I understand.

Some construction workers do work long hours. I have a friend who complains about her DH. They don't have young kids, but she was complaining about being alone in the evening.

He said he's trying to make enough money for her to live comfortably.

He's not cheating or anything dodgy. The difference with then is that they're not short of money like in your situation.

But are their families constantly short of money and having to borrow from extended family to cover the basics? Something is not adding up here. He's either a rubbish businessman and should be charging more or he's getting out of parenting by not coming home

my bil works in contruction not a foreman but hes never back later than five he says everyones left when he does

Builders in our house doing stuff like that for months. They knocked off at 4pm. Self employed. Sometimes they went earlier to pick up their kids. They arrived about 8.30- 9am.

You must know what he earns and his day rate. Do you have a joint account?

It's two issues - 1- there is no money but he has a job which is skilled and a good day rate.

1. Where is he - pub? Coffee shop? Sitting in a layby eating sweets?

Pop a an old iPhone under the seat. Track it with find my phone. My dad would have followed him.
Your parents are correct. Something is off. What do his parents say?

I’d take the kids over to my mums and stay there for a week, let him find out when he comes home late.

But as I said, it might make sense if she did his job for a week. I know two local builders who are often working at least a 12-hour day, and they're certainly not sitting around eating ham sarnies. They would both love to spend more time with their families.

I’m really sorry op, but if you want you could do some digging but I’m not sure you’ll like what you find. many men ‘work late’ to get out of parenting, and it’s shit and they should be ashamed.

Can you have a shufti at his phone? I suspect some kind of foul play and if he’s not the type for the pub….

Same here, although my husband is actually in the house as he WFH. I’m on mat leave (month 7) and can count on my hand how many times he has done bath and bedtime. I have a professional career I will be going back to and often work late too so he will just have to work around that. It’s not unusual for him to take calls at 11 at night.

I sympathise as it can be draining, but at least I have an end date.

i guess you have to make a choice, put her in nursery and concentrate on your career or accept how it is.

he would just reply with something like well at least I’m not sitting on my ass all day

What a prince.

Doesn't sound like he's working as late as he says he is, and he's obviously well versed in deflecting attention away from it.

Working twelve hour days but you are going cap in hand to your parents just to cover the basics?

Nope, not buying it. Not least because the work he does is on people's homes and who the hell wants the builders in when they are trying get the kids in bed?

Something definitely isnt adding up here. All the tradies I know are earning a fucking fortune as there simply arent enough of them around so they can name their price. Working the hours he claims to and still being hard up? Nah, not happening.

Gambling, drinking, skiving off family time, other woman, who knows.....but he isnt doing what he says he is and you need to dig a little deeper.