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Original poster

AIBU to ask for advice ? Ex H has died - complications !

33 replies

SortYourselfOut · 18/09/2025 17:52

This is all in the UK.
Had a knock at the door last night from one of these 'heir hunter' people to say that my exH has died, it happened about a month ago but they didn't have any info of next of kin etc. We have a DD, she's 24, hasn't seen or heard from her dad for about 5 years.
He has a house, no mortgage and so DD stands to inherit this.
He was a 'difficult' person, there was certainly no love lost there on my part, but we are still in shock and discovered today that it was probably an accident and that he suffered quite a bit at the end, he wasn't discovered for some time. I've kept this from my DD, she is upset as it is and she also has special needs. I'm so sad to learn this, poor b*gger didn't deserve that.
Practical matters - he hasn't had a funeral yet, he's having one supplied by the council (what they used to call a 'pauper's funeral) and I shall make it as nice as possible for him. None of his family relatives know what has happened, he was estranged from them. I'm waiting until I have the funeral details before I try and contact them.
He lived alone, he worked for a large company I've tried to get some info from them today but they can't find anything yet. I want to see if any of his colleagues would like to attend his funeral or send flowers.
I suppose I'm just asking on here for advice as to what I do next. I'm prepared to empty his property and put it up for sale for my DD but where do I start ?
I'm also a bit nervous about seeing his friends and family at the funeral, he has really spread a lot of untruths about me to them, saying I kept our DD away from him but it's not true, she wanted to stop seeing him years ago, in fact we moved from living a 4 hour drive away to closer to where he lived so that they could have contact (one of the reasons) but he was so tough and unreasonable to deal with that she stated simply she never wanted to see him again, his family and friends only know his side and he blames me. So I'm a bit anxious about that although this isn't about me, I still want to give him a good send off.
I need a solicitor, don't I ?

OP posts:
Anonymouseposter · 18/09/2025 18:56

DelphiniumBlue · 18/09/2025 18:37

What a difficult situation.
As far as I know, if the council are organising the funeral,then no one attends. If you want to organise the funeral, then you’ll be paying for it, unless someone else takes responsibility.
Has the death certificate been issued?
Youll need to check whether there was a will- presumably not if heir hunters are involved. You might need legal advice to check that everything is being done properly as there is a lot at stake.

People can attend a funeral organised by the local authority. It will be very basic but there can be a service at the crem. I worked in a Hospice and sometimes staff attended la funerals. Also sometimes family who had perhaps been estranged or more distant family who couldn’t take financial responsibility for the funeral did attend.

mamagogo1 · 18/09/2025 18:51

Firstly you need to try to find out if he’d made a will, if not is your dd his only child? Does she have capacity to understand she is the beneficiary under intestate rules? If not have you got power of attorney through the court of protection? There’s other considerations but they came to mind.

if he has a house then it will fall under probate if not a lot simpler!

Look after yourself as well as your dd, it’s tough, just because you are married anymore doesn’t mean you won’t grieve

Confusedmeanderings · 18/09/2025 18:47

What a sad and difficult situation OP.

Nearly50omg · 18/09/2025 18:44

Don’t bother contacting anyone he wasn’t in contact regularly with or estranged from. Why do you need the extra stress and upset from these people at the funeral?

DelphiniumBlue · 18/09/2025 18:37

What a difficult situation.
As far as I know, if the council are organising the funeral,then no one attends. If you want to organise the funeral, then you’ll be paying for it, unless someone else takes responsibility.
Has the death certificate been issued?
Youll need to check whether there was a will- presumably not if heir hunters are involved. You might need legal advice to check that everything is being done properly as there is a lot at stake.

CameForAVacationStayedForTheRevolution · 18/09/2025 18:06

I’m sorry this has happened. Do talk to the council to ask them what’s allowed with regards to number of people attending, etc if they are arranging it.

Comtesse · 18/09/2025 18:04

Your poor daughter. That is a very sad situation. You’re going to need to sort a lot of logistics so keep good files / paperwork as you go through it. You’re doing a good thing OP sorting this all out, sending you courage Flowers

CinnamonBuns67 · 18/09/2025 18:01

Yes you do need a solicitor to make sure it goes smoothly. I think if he's estranged from his family I'd imagine they won't come. Tell his friends they are welcome but they aren't to bring any drama or they can leave and police will be called if things get nasty.

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