To wonder how people are coping?

Oh I calculated it at 170 / 12 =14.167 🤷‍♀️

We earn 1.5k a month less than you. Mortgage 1.8k a month. No childcare just the odd bus fare and £10 a week each for school dinner treats (3 children). I think you probably need to scale down your idea of what you can afford.
For us our pay is amazing but we've always been slightly skint or in debt so now we've not not had a lifestyle creep so have money to spare to budget. However I do see how if you've always earnt well the drop for things being expensive is going to be difficult to see.
We have one holiday a year. Shop at Asda/lidl. Budget each month for Christmas, school clothes car expenses ect and that gets put away so we don't have to stress about finding the money.
I think honestly you'll just have to learn to budget and prioritise what's important to you. There will be lots of people in your wage bracket suddenly finding that there isn't any moemy left at the month. It's do able to still live a comfortable life though.

I meant to add @CobbleWobble , your mortgage as a % of your take home is too high in my opinion. It should be closer to £1750. Obviously the reasons are the reasons, but for anyone else saying it isn't huge....that's currently 35% of their income. It should be closer to 25%.
Our mortgage is 2.2k and we are in the 20-25% range...
The other thing is that it looks like you have no life insurance...is that right? Or are you using benefits from work?

@CobbleWobble On 7k with 3.5k on mortgages & childcare things will feel tight.

I mean, you've answered yourself. Your mortgage has doubled. Cutting a fiver a month by cancelling disney plus isn't going to make a dent in that.

Lots of other people don't have big expenses. I'm always genuinely surprised at the amounts people quote on here for their gas/electric bills, rent, etc. They're often quadruple or more what I pay.

I'm not saying that to be judgy btw, just due to different circumstances. But two colleagues could have the exact same salary but due to whatever different combination of additional income/expenditure live completely different lifestyles. You generally only see what other people do spend money on, not what they don't.

Someone who didn't send their DC to private school could go on ten holidays more a year, for example. Or buy their DC a house flat out when they graduate. Someone with grandparents providing early years/wrap around childcare could be saving thousands over the course of a few years compared to someone who either has to reduce their own working hours or pay for it.

@Topsymay you know people have to pay tax?

Oh wow so your monthly income is circa 14K

@Topsymay it's nowhere near that.

Oh wow so your monthly income is circa 14K where on earth does the money go?!
We live in Spain and survive on around 1400 euros per month and we have Netflix but admittedly no mortgage. Maybe you should trade places with someone less fortunate for a trial period and learn some tips? 🤔

I would have to agree with this!

I'm not coping thanks for asking. I earn a fraction of what you do and life is miserable and draining! 😭

@CobbleWobble you shouldn't have said you earn 160k if you are stuffing pensions because people will think you have a much higher income than you do. How much is DH putting into pensions?

I know what you mean. My partner earns similar to your combined salary (he earns more but it is in AUD).

15 years ago his salary could support a family, pay for a large house in a good suburb and usually pay for a holiday house somewhere.

I’m not working because my child needs therapy and I can’t take him to therapy and work a normal job.

I am very frugal with my shopping. I shop specials and come back when items are on sale. I don’t have nice things any more. All of my tech is old. All of my money goes towards living expenses. I had a better standard of living when I was single and earning a lot less money.

Costs have risen so much I think WTF when I’m out shopping. It’s absolutely crazy.

We don’t even have a back yard because houses with a backyards are too expensive right now.

I know people who live far from the city and they have a combined income of over $300k but don’t look it at all. They aren’t secretly rich, they are spending their money on living expenses and raising children.

While I understand that posts like the OP’s will always get comments of “tone deaf” - yes, it feels like on this kind of income things like private schools and frequent holidays should be within reach. We’re on a similar income, in London, similar stage of life I’d guess, and there’s no way we’d find the money for private school. And our holidays are (by preference) modest homeswapping types. Mortgage and childcare come to £3.7k / m here.

A lot of people near me split it, so that one starts late who does the drop off, and then another finishes early to pick up, or is regularly mysteriously unreachable 3-3.45....

But then works late.

Well mine does but that doesn’t help you. I have flexi time so I can log on early and then drop my dc off to school. They Stay in afterschool for an hour or so and I nip out to collect them.

Agree - but she said her student loan was under £200 we don't know about her DH - if he is eg a lawyer he might have a loan for a conversion masters or debts for pupillage.

I would say less holidays, state school, cheaper housing and generally being mindful of how they spend is how other people are coping.

Student loan and pension contributions I imagine.

Which is why I asked re pension. OP said student loan was under £200

This is true. OPs cleaner might really be relying on her hours with them. If your position that it doesn't matter that the likes of OP are feeling the pinch because they're rich anyway, then surely it matters when people who earn much less suffer because their livelihood rests on OP and co spending their disposable income.

Student loan and pension contributions I imagine.

Get cheaper broadband and no subscription you can get iplayer channel 4 itv all those for free. Plus YouTube has a lot of shows. Bye bye cleaner.

Large pension contributions maybe?