To wonder how people are coping?

I agree with this.

People get carried away with what they think they 'should' be able to afford at a given income level. They look at the people around them and see private school, newish cars, holidays and conflate it into believing they should be able to afford all of it.

The reality is that at OP's household income they can only afford some of it.

IME when children are small are the lean years. There is child care/reduced earnings, a large mortgage. As DCs hit secondary school things feel better. A combination of no longer needing childcare, improving careers and just being used to not being able to afford everything. Then the domestic economy takes another hit during the uni years.

We are now in the post uni years, paying down the mortgage, pushing money into pension, eyeing up retirement.

Mortgage probably. Often people bought a larger house in a better area than they could afford if interest rates went up.

Also people tend to spend everything they have and not save. (More than one holiday a year, subscriptions)

Additionally people buy stuff that they think is essential but not long ago or to lower incomes are luxuries.

Society has changed so people need to buy more to function. (Smart phone and internet)

Also @PigletJohn 2k is split between long term savings and the dcs savings. 500 is put in our holiday account. We are going to Iceland next month so we will spend some of that then. It’s just how I make our money work. It all has a job.

Or a lot of children.

🍿

Looking at your budget, £900 spare a month to spend on fun stuff sounds alright to me! Your mortgage is huge - five times mine - so I appreciate that is a lot to pay and moving to a smaller place or out of your area would be a lot of upheaval.

I totally get you. We’re on a bit more and find that the money doesn’t go as far. If we had both in private education and had a bigger mortgage we would not have any holidays, no gym memberships, buying the cheapest food, no new clothes, not being able to save etc. It’s a trade off but I don’t think it should be at the income we have. We should be able to have a bigger mortgage but still enjoy travelling and not having to think about what we buy all the time. We have a smaller house than we would like, but at the moment we are choosing to spend money on travelling and not having to think too much on what we spend money on. The majority goes on childcare, (we’ve got one in nursery, and the other ones uses after school clubs and holiday clubs), travelling and food. We have old cars and no loans except the mortgage ( 700 / month) and a small student loan (90/ month). We could cut a lot back to be able to afford a bigger house but I don’t want to at the moment, even though the small house is driving me nuts. I couldn’t imagine not being able to travel and having to scrimp on food. Admittedly I spend a lot buying stuff online that I could be without.. Actually typing this out makes me want to cut that back and put it in to savings instead. It’s all relative though because if you’ve never been able to go on holidays or spend money on possessions without thinking, you will think what I’m saying is madness. But yes, I think the country is in a mess!

Sorry, but no sympathy. Up until spring 2024, single parents on an income of between 50k & 60k also paid a marginal rate of tax of 62% because single parents child benefit was deducted from £50k. For no other reason than, often through no fault of our own, we were single parents.

I still managed to pay my mortgage and my son's school fees on my own.

Sound very privileged tbh … also 5 kids in this economy 😳😵‍💫🙄

£170k is way above our household income and we’re not really struggling but we don’t have massive outgoings. Def have a mind to reign in some of the big spends though.

No school fees must be a big chunk saved for you at least.

Your mortgage repayments must be very high.

You have to live to your means if you earn 170k or 70k - I recently did a spreadsheet of income and expenditure and we are fine if we don’t go crazy with concert tickets or massive holidays. Prob were better off a few years ago but we’ve been helping our uni kids out w their rents - now just down to one rent.

@CobbleWobble even on the salary difference / tax breakdown you detailed, there’s a huge chunk of money missing. If your DH is putting large additional amounts (looks like £1k plus) into pension , there’s no need to worry about paying for Xmas food shop!

The pension pot is effectively a ‘savings’ pot so you are tight on daily money because you’re saving more than feels comfortable?! Stop putting so much extra into the pension!

I also don’t eat the childcare sorry. You work 32 hours per week- school time only. And with your salary you’re at a LOSS by using holiday clubs. The huge childcare bill doesn’t make sense on your individual salary.

Are your Diamond shoes too tight too? Sad times.

gets out world's smallest violin Are you actually joking?!? I manage ok on approx 12k per year. Disabled/ill and on benefits.

When you do the self assessment, take a look at claiming tax back from professional memberships. I've just applied for this and you can claim for the last 4 years, you should get a percentage back. You might be able to do home as office too. It'll give you something extra towards Christmas.

I don’t understand how you’re paying £3k per year on professional memberships. I’m a qualified professional and my annual membership fee is around £300. I know actuaries, chartered accountants etc pay not dissimilar amounts. Also, these are often paid on your behalf by your employer, aren’t they? If this cost includes CPD training then surely look for less expensive course options and again, does employer not pay?

Yes it's quite mad but I'm sure al you've heard is some stuff about how rich you arey which wasn't really the point you were making.

I think I might have sounded a bit mean sorry op.
Suggest do a money makeover. Everything. Utilities, etc. Go through kidstart for cashback. Make everything work harder.

Pet insurance. Discovered the fuckwts took £150 off us every month, then when for once we did need it for a vet advised teeth clean, oh, not covered. Binned it off. We just pay if we need anything now.

.I'd ask your dh to stop with the pension payments til you are straight. And remortgage/ pay off as fast as you can. Would it be cheaper to take a loan at a lower rate and pay your mortgage off a bit? Depends what rate you have.

Meal plan. Become very savvy on the moneysaving expert forum. Search for discounts, sell anything you don't want or need.

Get your Netflix back. You can't go out so stay in and enjoy it. Plan some cheap but fun holidays in advance- you can secure a cottage in the UK for a tenner for next summer. Invite friends over for a garden festival with the kids one long weekend. Tell them to bring the booze.

But ynab is brilliant. Do check it out.

wow! is that the UK tax system? We earn £120k gross and take home £8,000 net!

Our mortgage is a bit more than yours, but with your childcare etc, I am not surprised you find it a bit tight

@Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself do you have a mortgage?

Yes I am on UC and have Netflix
If you are on £170k+ and having to cancel Disney, then you need proper financial help.

We have about half of your income, and have Netflix, holidays, a cleaner, one child in private school...

I earn just shy of £50k dependent on how much overtime/Saturday shifts I do. I'm doing OK. Haven't been particularly frugal this year. Lots of takeaways when can't be arsed to cook and quite a few £150 nights out and impulse buys. I've still put about £7k into my savings account so far this year.

But I don't have kids and live in a cheapish part of the country where my rent is little over £600 p/m.

no, my DP is not in social housing. Private rent and has to pay it. No UC top up.

Once you reach the 100k, you lose child benefits, tax free childcare, eligibility to social housing etc.

Any job can be stressful but the likelihood that you are stressed in a 100k job is higher plus these jobs are thin on the ground that redundancy is a headache.

A steady 35k job may be much better with a life time assured social housing tenancy and maybe you can bagged a house at reduced market rate with right to buy.

The queue at the NHS, schools etc will be the same.

We live on a 5th of your income and manage holidays and Netflix