To be livid with father in law

Why didn’t you simply reply to FIL and say ‘not just now, I’m rather busy’…….you didn’t need to explain why. Instead, he did a favour for you. Take the time to explain to FIL how you are feeling lately, he’s human, I’m sure he’ll understand.

Hi Father in law, thanks for the offer but it’s a bit inconvenient today tbh, I’m working from home and have some important meetings this afternoon. Please don’t worry about doing our grass in future, DH or I can do it! Thanks again!

that took me less than 30 seconds to type…

You absolutely had a choice! A quick message saying "No thanks DFiL, it's not convenient today, I'm having a bit of me time but thanks for offering. Speak soon"
You chose not to reply so he had no idea it was not a good time to do it. He's not a mind-reader....
It seems as if you're generally a bit pissed off with him taking it upon himself to do this job for you anyway so maybe that's the actual conversation you should be having with him.

How is ongoing? Does he have set days that have been agreeed that he comes round? I didn’t see that.

I think this is the best way to deal with it. No point having an argument when you are already upset.

This is your workspace and you deserve to have the peace and quiet that you'd established for yourself. I'd say in the future. Please don't let yourself into the house when I am working. I don't always see your texts as I am focusing on work, so unless you get a reply saying come on over, just assume I am working and don't have time to reply.

It may be a "nice" thing for him to do, but really he's filling up his time and he wouldn't do it if he didn't want to. So I don't think you should have to feel guilty about this.

Also. Change the barrel of your lock.

That way he can't "just" let himself in again. If they need the key for pets, get a keybox... and change the entry code.

Considering you know what he's like, you should have messaged right back in case he was round the corner.

Sounds bored and trying to be helpful despite you not liking him.

I had one of those lovely 'need to grow up fast' childhoods as well, OP, and it does colour how you see things. When DH and I first got together, I moved into his flat and had similar issues with the in-laws, that I can see now was as much my issue as theirs. They'd let themselves in while we were at work and open our post, do some cleaning, fill our freezer etc - and I got majorly triggered because of my background (my space is my space, how dare you invade it).
When DH and I bought our first house together, I made it a red line that they could not have a key - they could borrow one while they stayed with us but they couldn't just have one of their own. My DH was mortified and really angry but I stuck to my guns (and for a people pleaser, that was terrifying). It really helped rebalance the relationship. It would have been worse if we lived close - my BIL once came home early from the eighth early morning kitchen shift in a row dying for a nap before wife/kids came home and found MIL in the hallway, redecorating their house without asking!

For what it's worth, my FIL is now dead and my MIL is chairbound and I would give absolutely anything to come home from work one more time and rage about them being in our house. They weren't my parents, they weren't trying to control us - they just wanted to be helpful and supportive, and doing so the only way they knew how.

You were rude for not replying in the girst place. Grow up and accept help when it’s offered and you know - it’s nice to be nice - try and remember that snd you might not end up being so uptight - give yourself a break. He might help out with other house hold tasks & you can get some “chill” time. Ok so you have different personalities but that doesn’t make one right and one wrong. Try to chill out OP

Hope you told him you had been busy working.

Did he know you would be WFH today?

YABU. He clearly thinks he's helping you out and doing a nice thing, if you don't want him there or to cut your grass..................you need to verbalise that

People pleasing is causing you serious damage. Honestly the day I decided I was OK with being the bad guy with the inlaws was the best thing I ever did for myself and my family. Setting boundaries is good for you all. It feels so uncomfortable at first, but hold fast and you'll never look back.

Say to him 'we don't need the lawn doing thanks'. It's fine to say that. He thinks he's doing something nice, but he's invading and controlling your space. He'll be put out and say some crap like 'I'm only trying to help' etc. But before you know it, it'll be the new normal that you and your DH sort out your own lawn.

He should have waited for a response. That would annoy me.

I can see it both ways. He was being nice, but he was also being intrusive.

Some people (and I am one of them) don't like unexpected callers. I had to speak to a friend about this. She walks her dog in the fields behind my house, and went through a phase of "just popping round to say hello" while out with the dog. She rocked up one day when I was in my dressing gown, watching motorbike racing on tv while attacking my hairy legs with my epilady, and seemed to have no notion that this was not welcome!

Maybe you should ask him not to come round without your explicit agreement, OP.

Can you send him to mine? My lawn needs a good trim!

Change the locks and then keep ‘forgetting’ to give in-laws their ‘replacement ’. After a bit of time just tell them you realise you prefer it this way, as it suits you to be able to plan your days/weeks ahead of time and you can’t easily accommodate changes. Say it all with a lovely smile and move the conversation quickly along. Your DH needs to be on board. Being a people pleaser (and dealing with all the associated guilts) is exhausting… I speak from experience. Therapy has allowed me to turn that around, and I wish I’d done it several decades sooner! Don’t be me . It’s your life, you can claim it back and live it on your terms!

So when are you changing the locks?

this, but also and kindly I think you are having a bit of an overreact. I get why but still. the other thing is that you have got a Fil but no mention of a partner?

On the fence
on the one hand, you could have and should have just said not today but thanks for asking, if you know he has boundary issues. He clearly meant it well!
on the other hand, he shouldn’t have just walked in.

We have keys for our childrens houses, i mean we don't wander in uninvited but they are handy to have, imo.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's lovely that he's offered but if you don't reply then you don't just come around and do it anyway! It's your space and you haven't given permission.
He probably just thought you'll be happy it gets done but I'm not one to want someone encroaching on my space and time alone either.

Is ‘livid’ not a huge over reaction?

Send him to do mine , been asking hubby to do it since last week and I have no time until the weekend.
stop being such a fuss pot ! He was out doing the garden

Well you and your husband need to tell him he doesn't need to cut the grass, nobody has told the man no so he just carrys on thinking he is helping his family out,

WTF!? These replies!

People! A lack of consent does not mean "yes". For crying out loud! Op had more important things on her mind, such as her job, so she didn't answer. That does not give someone card blanche to waltz in someone else's house and do whatever. He should have waited for a "yes" before coming over.

OP, your father in law was very disrespectful and I would have been livid too. I would give him an ear full over his pushy behavior. If someone ever tries something like that again, tell them to leave. If you father in law tries that again, either take the key off of him or change the locks.

I can't stand people that just invade my space uninvited.