To be livid with father in law

If you want your home to be a sanctuary, you know he had keys, you know he's keen to do the lawn that day, you should have just answered his message.

He's not a mind reader. He didn't know how you were feeling. You need to learn to communicate if you want people to behave in a certain way.

Why are so many people bewildered by this? I have both my daughters' (so also my son's in law's) keys at their suggestion, and they have mine. We do each other favours that require getting into a house when the other is at work/away. It's easier. They both know they can call me if there's a problem when they're not there, and I can attend.

That.

I'm not sure why you've blown this up so much.

Did dfil know he was being ignored? No. Therefore he did not have enough information to decide to enter someone else's home without permission.

God, can he please come round mine. My garden is a riot 😁
You should have sent a polite ‘thanks but no thanks’ reply in the first place.

Yes but in the world of MN his sainted in laws are treated quite differently from her evil in laws!

They have their own key??

Why??

If FIL has been cutting the grass most of the summer, he obviously thinks you guys are fine with him doing that.

Are you going to take it on? Does your husband want to?

This is a communication problem on your part. Why couldn't you communicate that was not a good time for you and set up another time or tell your husband to stop him from coming over and doing you favours? You don't like him doing it, you have to communicate the boundary. You have to communicate to your husband how you feel about FIL doing household tasks and whatever else you're so angry about (and I do think part of your anger with your FIL is displaced from your mom). Did your husband want them to have a key?

He thinks he's doing something nice for you two and saving you and your husband time and physical effort and you really resent him for being anywhere in your space. How does your husband feel about his doing your yardwork? Is he angry about it too?

What a patronising ass**le

Your husband needs to deal with this and tell his parents that they are not to let themselves into the house without permission, what if you had been walking around naked.

Did he even ring the doorbell?

You need to set some boundaries with a man like this

That's being a bit harsh calling the op a bitch.
Just because she doesn't want her fil to turn up.

Sadly op if you knew had a key you should have just replied no not a good time and he wouldn’t have just turned up or if he didn’t have a key he couldn’t have just let himself in. Might be time to discuss boundaries for you both. Sorry you have a shit parent.

Is that so odd? My in-laws lived round the corner, we had a key to their place and they had a key to ours. My sister lives quite close too and she has a key to ours and we have a key to theirs.

When one of us is on holiday, the other one will pop in a couple of times, remove any post on display and just check for any issues etc.

Yup you're being a bitch. It's a lovely thing for him to do. You had the opportunity to say no if you wanted to and chose to ignore that. He's saving you and his son a job so you can both have more free time this weekend

This you are bu and sound quite ungrateful

I’m sorry for not reading the whole thread, normally do. Just needed to post that in-laws should not have keys to your house unless you have leant them for a temporary reason.
Remove this privilege immediately!

Sorry OP, but

a. Hes been cutting your lawn as a kindness in the past. Im guessing you never objected (who would. . .?!)

b. He messaged. You didnt answer to say “Thanks but no thanks today as working”. He will have assumed you’re out

c. Presumably he’s been given a key to do just this - let himself in when you’re out. So if he’s done it before, why is it a problem now?

d. What does your partner/husband feel?

I am guessing that if you suddenly withdraw the key now this will cause a family issue and hurt feelings. I dont think I’d ever have given a key at all, but this is the status quo , so you have to deal with the situation as it stands.

No it’s not unreasonable to feel annoyed that someone just turned up to be honest but you did have the chance to say no it’s not a good time. It’s quite a helpful job he’s doing for you, perhaps say to him, ‘so grateful you help with grass, Thursdays are not a good day going forward’ and if that doesn’t suit him just say he doesn’t need to come then.

I'd be taking that off them tbh. I'd not be at all happy about them letting themselves in.

Sorry you’re being ridiculous. You chose to ignore him then he came over to do you a favour. Sounds incredibly selfish to me.

I'd have a chat with your dh.
Say he spooked you and you don't mind the mowing ( if you dont) but you'd rather pin down a day rather than spur of the moment.

Also did Fil need to come inbthe house to get the mower.?

Sounds like someone is taking our their mother issues on the FIL.

You need to calm down. You could have said no by replying to his text.

And it’s certainly not controlling to come over and cut a family member’s grass, having asked permission to do so. In fact it’s a helpful and considerate thing to do.

And to all those posters saying "you should have said no then!" What absolute rubbish. Just because you have a mobile phone, doesn't mean you have to answer it. The fact that it is mobile and most likely goes everywhere with you doesn't mean it actually does go everywhere with you. Even if it is sitting right next to you, being six inches away from you doesn't mean you are available. It's the same as when someone rings your doorbell. You may very well be in, but you don't have to be available to anyone and so you certainly don't have to answer your door. You aren't obliged to be at anyone's beck and call when you are at home.
If a message is sent and no reply is given - the consent to enter the property has not been granted.
How long has he been doing this for - letting himself in? I would think about getting a camera installed....
How long has he been mowing the lawn for?

No way is this acceptable. What if you were walking about half naked? Or sitting at your desk in a towel? What if he walked in on you and your husband 'at it'? There are so many scenarios that are meant for private.
The only reason he should have a key is to look after any animals when you and your husband away. Outside of this agreement he is absolutely not to let himself into your house as and when he pleases. Sending a text 30 mins prior without waiting for a reply is definitely not a green light to go ahead and overstep these boundaries.
I had a normal upbringing and I wouldn't be comfortable with this. My home is my sanctuary and where I decompress. I wouldn't want other people letting themselves in willy nilly! I wouldn't care if dh was brought up with hippy/naturist style parents and he is unphased by them having open access to his house. The fact is, you are uncomfortable with this, therefore it needs to stop.
I would be having words with dh if I were you and I would be requesting the spare keys back, too.