To be livid with father in law

Set some boundaries and get those keys back!!

Isn't that just normal conversation? He's saying if you applied there you would get a free or heavily reduced fee.

I think you are taking his comments too sensitivity. Why didn't you just reply because I don't want to work in a classroom again

She asked "was she being a bitch "

It’s all of a piece, isn’t it? Apols if you’ve already answered this, but what’s your DH’s take on all this?

It seems to me as though he’s being friendly, helpful and taking an interest in you.

of course, you know him far better than I and you may be correct that he’s simply interfering because he’s bored.

has he ever let himself in to cut the grass before? Did he know you were working from home? Have you ever asked him not to cut the grass on a particular day because it was inconvenient? Or have you gone overboard in expressing your appreciation (you say you’re a people pleaser) and he’s seen that as an indication of how helpful he is being to his family?

Some people demonstrate that they care rather than say it. I’m sure he’s trying to be helpful rather than thinking he’s overstepping. Reframe it that it’s one less job for you to do and use that time for yourself.

What a ludicrously OTT response.

If I was WFH and an uninvited relative took it upon himself to cut my grass, I’d be annoyed that my working day was disrupted

Can he come and cut my grass? I hate doing it

Hrft but you're right, it is about control.
He wants to 'help' and you feel controlled or loss of your control.

I suspect he's wanting to be out from your MiL and feeling useful is important to everyone, retirement takes some getting used to.

Hi Fil thanks for doing the grass, you do a great job but when I'm WFH it's a bit distracting, could you prearrange a day when I'm ....elsewhere?

Also I saw this add for Mens shed/volunteers/allotments I thought you might be interested.

Try flipping it the other way that it’s a wonderful and lucky thing to have in-laws / family who are 1- capable of helping and 2- want to help. Many would be so happy with having some help with tasks.

In future a quick- ooh not today thanks. Appreciate it though, can you do XXXX day (maybe when you’re not there if you want to avoid it).

You need to get help STAT. You are massively projecting, frankly toxic opinions onto innocent people, just trying to do a good thing.

People like you are so toxic. Don't get married if you refuse to have any kind of good relationship with your in laws. Your spouse is better off.

Gee whizz wait till your older and your family treat you like this. Gives the poor guy something to do plus helps you out and you seriously annoyed wow

I just dread having a DIL like you. Do you just fall out with the stones in the street for no reason? You should’ve texted back if it meant that much. It’s not some grand conspiracy - he’s just bored and trying to be useful. Why is it all about you? Get a grip.

This is hilarious. I've had the exact same experience. I was angry too, like my boundaries had been trampled on. i felt so conflicted too. Like 'what was going on here, I didn't invite him over and is it ok to feel the way I do'. They're showing their age In my opinion and after I cooled down (days later), I found it was good to have it done (I suppose 🤨🧐)

I'm struggling to understand just how there is a convenient time to cut the grass? How does it affect anyone else (unless maybe they were ill, or sleeping, at the time).

Good grief! My neighbour cuts my grass and doesn't send a text - he just turns up! Which is absolutely fine by me and the other neighbours, we are grateful to him for doing it.

Obviously he isn't letting himself into the house, but I can't see any issue with that either given FIL has a key. My late DM was in and out of my flat all the time, I couldn't have cared less and I sometimes let myself into her place. I really don't understand all this angst about relatives letting themselves in - if you don't want them to do that then don't give them a key.

Your reaction is completely over the top.

It’s completely different scenario. He took it upon himself to cut the grass at HIS convenience. If I suggested cutting mum’s grass and heard nothing from her, mI’d leave well alone

I’m with you, @Brightside88 - no reply should mean no. Either take away his keys or tell him you’ve lost yours and the locks have been changed

You said you set a boundary but you didn't. You didn't reply. If its an issue then say no and mean it.

In the early days of being with my now DH I wanted to go to war with my MiL on so many things because I felt like she was infantalising me, judging me, trying to catch me out but as time has gone on I've learned my DH's family is close and hands on where mine is not so I wasn't accustomed to this style of being. I love them and love how much they have accepted me now but it was tough at the start.

Your FiL did just cut the grass. It is really a big issue to make him a cup of tea and say thank you? If it is a big issue (and it's OK if it is, it's your life and your home) don't start a family fight, just say no next time.

He obviously thought he is doing you a favour as you both work. By not answering he assumed it was OK.
Just be grateful. One less job to be done.
I think the meeting with your Mother really upset you and you were feeling vulnerable.
I think the problem is with your Mother.

You lost me when you wrote you are uber independent and a sign of that is that you drive yourself everywhere. Jesus.