Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to not be upset after leaving after 28 years together?

231 replies

Sheiloblige · 18/09/2025 12:32

I’m pretty new to MN so please try and be kind.

I’ve left my DH after 28 years together.

I thought he was my soul mate, I was head over heels in love with him.

We’ve had our ups and downs like most, quite a few tragic events in our lives but come through them.

During lockdown (2020), we spent a lot of time in deep and candid conversation, and he confessed that 22 years ago (around 6 years after we got together), he’d had a brief fling with a colleague, amounting to a couple of ONS’s. When he told me it didn’t seem real, and I didn’t have much difficulty saying I forgave him. We haven’t discussed it much since, but it’s niggled away at me for 5 years now, and slowly but surely I have started to view him, and our relationship, and me very differently.

So on a whim, during last week, after coming into a modest windfall, I found myself a lovely flat, paid the deposit and 3 months’ rent up front and walked out, barely said a word. I just told him that while I love him very much, he’s destroyed our relationship and me. No acrimony, no bitterness or anger, all just very matter of fact.

He’s gutted but I’m not. He’s been tearful, begging me to go back, saying he’s sorry etc. I’ve ended up messaging him today saying I’m blocking his number for a while to stop him pestering me.

Our two kids are old enough to be independent, they know I’ve left but I haven’t told them why or where I am for the time being. They’re a bit miffed and seem to think there’s something wrong with me because I am not upset or emotional.

AIBU not to be upset, in fact quite the opposite, I feel quite liberated and happy. I do love DH and hope he finds happiness, but he’s not for me anymore.

OP posts:
LockdownLisa · 18/09/2025 12:40

If I was him, I wouldn't have been daft enough to tell you! You feel the way you feel about it, I'm not sure you can change that; it's not a gut reaction, it's been festering for 5 years.

Luddite26 · 18/09/2025 12:40

As long as you are ok and feel better. It's early days. It may not have hit you yet. Or the backlash might upset you. You must have a lot of sorting out to do.

But life is precious. I can imagine you feel betrayed and even that he denied you of your freedom all those years ago by not telling you then..

I know when I left an 18 year relationship in my early 40s my only regret was that he had taken my best years.

I hope things work out for you how you want them too.
Adult children can be quite cross when this happens so look after yourself.x

MsMiniver · 18/09/2025 12:39

YANBU to leave but possibly being U not to tell your kids where you are. They don’t deserve to feel abandoned because of something between you and your husband.

Tunacheesequesadilla · 18/09/2025 12:37

ApricotCheesecake · 18/09/2025 12:36

Of course, you can leave a relationship for any reason you like, especially when your children are grown up. I feel sorry for your DH though. What a massive shock for him after 28 years together and because of something he did 22 years ago.

I don't feel sorry for him. He lied to her for 22 years.

ApricotCheesecake · 18/09/2025 12:36

Of course, you can leave a relationship for any reason you like, especially when your children are grown up. I feel sorry for your DH though. What a massive shock for him after 28 years together and because of something he did 22 years ago.

L00n · 18/09/2025 12:35

He shoulda kept his mouth shut shouldn't he!

Swipe left for the next trending thread