Husband not been paying tax for years

tax problem aside, HUGE red flags across this.

he is lying to you about major life changing financial decisions.

he has no problem to put your financial future at risk.

he thinks he is above the rules when he decides he not to pay tax.

he has a poor me victim attitude, but only when he is caught out.

he is trying turn his failings on you by saying he cant say no to you. what he is trying to establish here is that the situation is indirectly your fault.

he expects you to mind read. he wants you to know how much to spend without telling you what there is to spend.

he ‘breaks down’ instead if taking accountability.

he treats a problem he has created like it came out if the blue, which is akin to the thinking id a child.

he is happy to put you at the center of his problem whilst he avoids accountability by being somewhere unknown right now.

he is content with adding uncertainty to your already (thanks to him) full plate. by not coming home he is manipulating you into worrying about him instead of being rightfully angry at him.

your language reveals that you are used to clean up his messes:
he did…we had to pay a tax layer
he did…we had to take it from our savings
he did…our son lost his trust fund
he is applying the same rule to your son, he messes up and it is your sons duty to literally pay for it.

all of this translate to:

•no empathy for others
•avoids accountability on a large scale
•pathological level of lying
•victim mentality by shifting blame to you
•ignores known consequences (he knows he has to pay tax)
•is content for the consequences of his doing to ruin your and your sons life

my ex had the same traits and turns out he is a covert narcissist. you should read up on the victim mentality of a covert narcissist.

your son is correct: divorce, salvage what you can, run for the hills.

The only sensible option for you is to divorce him immediately. There's no point in sticking your head in the sand.

The life you were living was, and still is, a lie.

I saw this first hand with a couple I knew (and loved very much) who ignored their car-crash finances and lost everything. The wife refused to see what was right in front of her face and left all financial things to her husband. She chose to live in ignorance.

You must face up to the reality of your circumstances. Do not allow yourself to feel shame or embarrassment because that's not going to help. Get legal advice. Speak to your friends. You're going to need all the support you can get.

Personal tax or LTD business tax? Unless the business is a going concern, it's probably time to be put into liquidation.

Personal tax, again, probably time to go bankrupt.

Both are crap and not the way you should do things, but when things get to this stage, unless you have the means to pay it back. HMRC will set up a payment plan, the type of which depends on the type of tax evasion, ie deliberate fraud, etc. Basically, you need to speak to HMRC and give them everything they need in terms of personal finances, etc. and negotiate a payment plan, plus any interest and or penalties you may have coming your way.

You need to understand the entire situation and its impact on you. You should ask him to be open with you, but it may take a letter from solicitors to your husband. If the limited company owed tax and has been liquidated, then the tax debt would be paid as a dividend in the liquidation. A director wouldn't automatically owe anything in relation to this. Your husband may owe tax in his own capacity or he may have been made to contribute to the liquidated company's assets because the liquidator has brought an action against him. A liquidator or trustee in bankruptcy may be able to claw back transfers to you. Once you understand the situation, or if you cannot get answers, I would take legal advice.

This.

This marriage is dead in the water. There is no way of coming back from this, and leopards never change their spots.

Certainly he'd have to pay off a decent chunk up front to show he's serious, so they could raise it by a remortgage perhaps?

Then if OP gets a job all her wages could be dedicated to the repayment schedule along with a chunk of his salary. If they can do this and propose a robust plan no reason why HMRC wouldn't accept it. I accepted TTP proposals for larger sums than this when I worked there.

Also thought this.

I'm so sorry for you as it sounds a complete headache to unravel. I guess you need to sit down with some kind of arbitrator (accountant, lawyer, financial advisor) and discuss all these things. The comments so far are really helpful - like how did he get hold of the trust fund money. I'd also want clear answers to:

1. How did £550k become £150k
2. What is the status of your savings (because we're your age and although it would be devastating, could pay the money out of these/ pension funds)
3. Where the money has gone

His company debts are not your debts so long as you are not directly linked to the company.

You need advice. At the moment you are totally in the dark.

Do you have a pension? Have you paid NI to be eligible for state pension?

This all sounds a little bit suspicious as if it was business debt owed to HMRC and he liquidated the company the debt is usually written off as a result of the liquidation apart from certain debts and in my experience (I work in this industry) it's unusual to have to pay a large amount to HMRC personally. You need to find out exactly what this debt is in relation to and the amount due/who is due to. Ask him to see all correspondence from the insolvency practitioner and HMRC. If you search his company name on companies house you might be able to access reports from the insolvency practitioner which might give you further information. I don't want to scare you but you need to find out these details as if it does go further/he ended up being made bankrupt it could affect your home. I think you need to tell him it's time to be completely honest.

I’m surprised he hasn’t been bankrupted. Not paying tax is a really low thing to do

You need some serious legal and financial advice before you make any major decisions or give him any more money!

You also need him to give you access to all his accounts, financial information, debt letters etc. if you are to have a hope of getting a handle on this.

Otherwise, you’re only ever going to get his sugar coated version of the truth and you’ll both still be flailing in debt for the foreseeable.

It's too late for you now op but a very hard lesson to others to never not be totally involved in family finances, especially if self employed.

Its not quite as simple as that if SE though.
OP should have seen prvious Company Accounts - assuming these were filed

Divorce him and sell the house. Your DS is right.

OP says she doesn’t work 🫣

I’m not sure HMRC will negotiate a payment schedule when he owes 150k. He’ll be lucky not to end up in prison!

I don't know if the inland revenue will come after your home. Is it in joint names ?
You need a solicitor to give you good advice about your assets and your future

has he just not been paying corporation tax, or income tax too? If the latter then the Ltd co won’t protect him.

As others have said, how did he get money out of your sons trust fund - at 18 control of this should have transfered to your son?
People moan about benefit cheats but tax cheats are just as bad, I would struggle to stay with this man - lying repeatedly, stealing from both hmrc and his son. Do you work and have financial independence to be able to leave?

Edit: just seen above post where you say you don't work. I would suggest you get a job quickly, any job, to help pay back his debt.

If you knew how much he earned, and how much bills were, why didn't you question how there was so much available to spend - a quick tax calculation would have shown you it would have been 80-90k, so around 6-7k per month, and if you were spending more than this, why wouldn't you question where it comes from. I know me and DH's joint post tax income is about 5k a month, and I could easily account for where most of that goes each month if asked.

Oh OP you are incredibly vulnerable - do you have any kind of savings or income of your own? Why don’t you work?

You say he didn't come home last night but have you seen or heard from him this morning?

If you contact HMRC you could negotiate a payment schedule and perhaps you could get a job to help pay this.

You could also take over the household finances to relieve that pressure from him.

Doing these things will stop you feeling so useless too.

Wow. I would get legal advise. The man across the road from my parents had a building company for years and it turns out he never paid his taxes. They had a lovely house. Taxman took it all. Get legal advice and separate finances as soon as you can or honestly you could be losing your home.

Annual income of £130k you should be paying £50k of tax and take home £80k, £6,700 monthly. If it seems like you are spending more than that, tax isn’t being paid.

You need to take legal advice, and very quickly.
It sounds very much like he will need to be bankrupted and above all things you need to protect yourself and your portion of assets. I’m so sorry OP.

Some one close to me was in a similar position and to send someone round there must have been many letters and phone calls first so he has lied and lied to you and now he has stolen from your son. Him blaming you is also awful BUT when you were Company Secretary (presumably for tax reasons) you did have a responsibility to check these things and be involved in making sure theey wre donee properly
These things can usually be sorted with HMRC, they are must easier to deal with that you would think but by the time bailiffs are involved it can be too late unfortunately. You can look at the Company Accounts etc with your H's permission, its just that you don't have the right .
If the company is LTD it may offer some protection but if there has been mismanagement HMRC or Insolvency CAN come after your DH personally and possibly his assetts if there are any

I am sorry you and your son find yourself in this position and to be honest while it IS his fault I also have some sympathy for your H