Husband not been paying tax for years

If you are struggling to get a job, could you do some volunteer work in a charity shop or something to get some experience and then get a job in retail?

I agree with another poster that says you have all been living in a traditional fantasy marriage above his salary. I hate to say it but the tax on £130k will be a lot and life is expensive ..

You do need to take some responsibility for this mess and bury your head in the sand too.

I wouldn't be 100% sure that he isn't having an affair. He is spending 2 nights per month in Aberdeen for a 'client meeting'. How do you know that he is not lying about that as well?

oh - I thought it was £500k

This is going to sound a bit harsh but you either:

a) Leave, start again, get a job (it IS possible, but it doesn't involve sending out a few applications and feeling sorry for yourself - you have to chase opportunities) and live an honest, hard, quiet, safe and good life. OR

b) Stay with him and accept that you are being bought - exchanging a life of lies, dishonesty, theft etc and being complicit in his horrible morals, including stealing from your son, so you can sit at home and have a comfy life.

There isn't a middle ground.

Ps) Why on earth would you pay for him to get his stupid watch back?! If you have any spare money, it goes to the money he STOLE from your CHILD!!!

Yet another reminder of why it's important for women to never give up their career or financial independence.

Easy to say, much harder to do. Despite the problems he's caused, the op will still have enormous love, affection, and attachment to her husband. You can't simply switch off emotion.

Highly unlikely that they would come after him for much a small amount and it is a small amount compared to the levels of tax fraud and avoidance happening on a daily basis in this country that nobody is getting a grip on

This sort of thing makes my spidey senses tingle.

I think you should ask to see ALL the paperwork involved with this. I would be more concerned that it isn't really HMRC that he owes the money to.

You dont have to leave him, just divorce & sell the house so your protected. Let him pay off the debt with his half, and start again just dont remarry and dont bloody share finances. That is if you dont want to leave him.

This is financial infidelity. Even when confronted, he lied and gave you fake numbers. He will never tell the truth, and will continue to put your assets up as collateral until he bleeds you dry. I’d be finding out if he has taken loans against your house/equity release, or additional/extended mortgages. LTB

I'd also say he's a suicide high risk

That's exactly what I thought as I read the OP.

He said if was dead I'd get half a million but I don't want him to kill himself.

There it is.

He has already put the thought of his suicide into your brain to keep you "on side". Dont fall for it. It is a controlling method men use to keep us fearful.

When actually for a lot of us, it would be a blessed relief

He won’t be able to go bankrupt with 300k of house equity while owing 150k.

I’d be going to a specialist lawyer in these kinds of situations to see if you’d be liable for anything. Then I’d leave him asap. You can find love again if you want to, I absolutely promise. He’s ruined your sons future and that would be unforgivable for me.

Don't you think he was part of a fantasy that they both concocted? She has no need to work, he is the provider? I can see how that puts immense pressure on him. Which does not defend resorting to tax fraud to maintain the illusion of course.

The lying and manipulation keeps continuing. Can you really stay with a man who you can probably never trust again?

Leave him - extricate yourself. He needs to apply for bankruptcy really and start again.

Is your name even on the house?

The thought of being with such a dishonest liar surely must be worse than the thought of being single??

You should be more terrified of staying with a man who has lied and stolen

It sounds like the two if you have been living some kind of fantasy life where he is the Big I Am and boasts about how his wife doesn't need to work, has watches worth several thousand, and a hefty trust fund for the son....and it was a house of cards.

I feel differently in that your son should never have had 30 or 40k in a trust fund if your family couldn't afford it. Obviously paying taxes should have been prioritised over the illusion of being this wealthy.

If you do want to work (and I think you should), you should probably start by volunteering in a charity shop so you can put something on your CV. I think you should sell the watch, and any other signs of wealth that you simply can't afford (what cars do you drive, for example?) and accept that your lifestyle has been achieved by fraud.

Whether you divorce DH or not - you will have to get used to a much more modest lifestyle.

Unfortunately your are right. Seems funny that they have so much debt, but not much mortgage to as the house equity would have been a good way of sorting this. She needs to see a lawyer ASAP and be prepared for a few more shocks I think. Hope I'm wrong though.

Doesn't it terrify you to stay with a man who lies and defrauds (by that I mean not paying tax for years) at will? Because I would hate that.

Oh crikey, you need the truth of how bad this is first and then a financial advisor. If it’s a limited company and you are not named on there but are his wife, im guessing you are still liable? You might need some legal advice here. Really worrying for you op. One things for sure, once this is all sorted, you need to divorce. You cannot trust him going forwards.

I want to scream. Similar happened to my parents, nothing happened to the “businessman”. Disgusting behaviour.