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Original poster

Husband not been paying tax for years

588 replies

Shitsinthepost77 · 18/09/2025 09:41

I'm so worried and scared. Over a year ago two debt collectors came to our door and handed me a letter addressed to my husband. I opened it and it said we owed approx £500k to the taxman. I nearly collapsed.

When my husband came home I confronted him and he basically broke down saying he hadn't been paying tax on his Ltd company for about 5 years. He'd liquidised his company without my knowledge and taken me off as Company Secretary presumably so I wouldn't find out and to extricate me from any financial liability. We had to get a tax lawyer to negotiate on our behalf with the debt collectors and after many months of wrangling, my husband told me it was £64k we owed which we could put our savings towards and also set up a direct debit and pay the rest monthly.

Fast forward a year, I had two debt collectors standing at my front door. It turns out my husband has been lying about the amount owed...it's in actual fact £150k. I'm horrified, my heart's racing as I'm writing this. He told me over the phone he'd used £30k of our son's trust fund money towards it. He told me he's incapable of saying no to me (?!) and he knows he's got emotional problems.

I don't understand any of this...I'm in my 50s, yes, I like nice things (who doesn't) but never overspent in terms of the money that's in our account and was surplus after all bills are paid. He didn't come home last night, he's too ashamed and embarrassed and keeps telling me he's no good and I deserve better. I've been with this man for over 30 years and can't imagine life without him, although I massively resent him at this point.

I found out he'd taken his watch (a present for his 50th) to a pawnbroker to get a £1,500 per loan against the watch. He said it was to pay off the rest owed to the tax lawyer. I asked (shouted) why the hell did he not come to me as I'd managed to put some money aside. Again, he was too embarrassed and said he just wanted it sorted and out the way. I ended up giving him over £2k to get the watch back.

I'm worried sick. How on earth do I deal with this without knowing whether he's lying or not? I don't have access to his business account because I'm not company secretary. I have access to everything else (I think?).

I'm mostly disgusted at my son's trust fund. He's 21, and it was meant to be for a down payment on a flat at some point. Now there's nothing. My son's now aware of this and thinks I should leave his dad as he can't be trusted. What do you think? Any advice would be extremely welcome.

OP posts:
Praying4Peace · 18/09/2025 13:08

ComfortFoodCafe · 18/09/2025 10:42

You dont have to leave him, just divorce & sell the house so your protected. Let him pay off the debt with his half, and start again just dont remarry and dont bloody share finances. That is if you dont want to leave him.

Show quote history

Unfair advice
OP needs to support her husband, she has been indifferent to any of the financial responsibilities of running /maintaining a home

Original poster
Shitsinthepost77 · 18/09/2025 13:08

Ok, when i 'got' my husband's watch back it was before the debt collectors landed on the doorstep. He told me he needed the money to pay extra to the tax lawyers. He told me that was the end of it and grovelled to buggery.

Re our lifestyle...well, we don't live in London....but further north...more bang for your buck! 8 apartment house does indeed mean 8 bedrooms however not all used as bedrooms. It seems excessive. It's actually not that big, but been added to previously by the last owner. Rooms are big because it's an old house. I've thought about downsizing but hate modern houses and being in an estate. Might have to do that tho. Remember people, this has all come as a big shock, I thought an original figure had been settled, it appears the original settlement was much more. The Porsche i can definitely live with getting rid of. I'll just buy a Bentley...I'm joking! Think I'm hysterical with shock, hurt, confusion and disbelief. Btw, I know plenty of women who don't work or taken early retirement (but do voluntary work) which I've done plenty of. I just thought we were OK financially and my husband seemed fine with it. I've never been ambitious but probably become a bit lazy and used to the way things are. I would love a part time job but haven't been successful yet.

OP posts:
Trendyname · 18/09/2025 13:08

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 13:06

You really believe that?

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Op said that.

MsPavlichenko · 18/09/2025 13:07

Shitsinthepost77 · 18/09/2025 12:45

Yes we could downsize...it's an eight apartment house in a nice area. And before many of you go ballistic we drive a Porsche....BUT with money I thought we had! And no, it was the husband that suggested a Porsche in the first place.

Well there’s a short term solution to some of your debt issues. You need to see a lawyer on your own asap. You still don’t know the actual truth re the debt, only what your DH is telling you. Once you know you will be in a position to make decisions.

I think you need to steel yourself for there being more to come, whether more debt, or more importantly, what caused the debt. He’s been lying to you for years so you can’t know he’s not lied about other stuff. His demeanour and apologies mean nothing here. Absolutely nothing, and his hinting at suicide suggest a manipulative approach at the very least.

In my opinion your son’s probably right and you should leave. You can’t trust him ( sob stories don’t change anything ). At the very least look at counselling for yourself to help you see your way forward.

user760 · 18/09/2025 13:07

PinkyFlamingo · 18/09/2025 13:04

He's deliberately not paid tax. That's taking deceipt to a whole new level. That's not a mistake That's a choice. And given the amounts involved I would be very surprised if he doesn't end up in jail.

You'd be surprised how little HMRC will accept on large debts. I know of someone who lives a very lavish lifestyle in a 20ish bedroom mansion and one of his building/construction businesses failed to pay tax or NI or pension contributions for its staff members for a number of years and the debt ran into hundreds of thousands.

He simply declared the business insolvent and wound it up and HMRC then get nothing/very little.

He then started up the business again called something different.

pinkdelight · 18/09/2025 13:06

Tam285 · 18/09/2025 13:03

The OP is in this mess because she trusted a man and he deceived her. It has nothing to do with being a SAHM - what a shame there is so little respect for women who want to be a SAHM on here. I'm not sure if it's jealousy or insecurity that makes people feel they have to put down women that make different choices, but it's really depressing.

OP why did you buy the watch back? He doesn't need a 2 grand watch, he's just stolen your sons trust fund. To be honest he needs to be in jail.

C'mon, her son is 21. She's not been a SAHM for years. Her choice has been to not work and to spend money on nice things, even after finding out about the nightmare debt a year ago. If any of this is real. The Porsche tips it over the edge.

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 13:06

Trendyname · 18/09/2025 13:05

did you read OP’s updates. Op struggled with an addiction. Op says she is used to certain kind of lifestyle. She us not working since kid was a baby. That kid is 21 now. Can you imagine how much pressure this man has?

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You really believe that?

Trendyname · 18/09/2025 13:06

PinkyFlamingo · 18/09/2025 13:04

He's deliberately not paid tax. That's taking deceipt to a whole new level. That's not a mistake That's a choice. And given the amounts involved I would be very surprised if he doesn't end up in jail.

Are you a lawyer or an accountant?

Angela Rayner didn’t go to jail, nor did Nigel Farage.

Tiswa · 18/09/2025 13:06

It sounds from the updates as if the OPs addiction and spending habits have partly caused this and the husband didn’t pay tax because the money was spent

everythjng needs to be sold downsized bill paid off and a new lifestyle found

Trendyname · 18/09/2025 13:05

Tam285 · 18/09/2025 13:03

The OP is in this mess because she trusted a man and he deceived her. It has nothing to do with being a SAHM - what a shame there is so little respect for women who want to be a SAHM on here. I'm not sure if it's jealousy or insecurity that makes people feel they have to put down women that make different choices, but it's really depressing.

OP why did you buy the watch back? He doesn't need a 2 grand watch, he's just stolen your sons trust fund. To be honest he needs to be in jail.

did you read OP’s updates. Op struggled with an addiction. Op says she is used to certain kind of lifestyle. She us not working since kid was a baby. That kid is 21 now. Can you imagine how much pressure this man has?

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 13:05

user760 · 18/09/2025 13:04

Not if its was a stocks and shares child trust fund

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Do you mean a child ISA?

Her son is no longer a child; he's 21.

user760 · 18/09/2025 13:04

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 13:03

A trust fund is managed by a group of trustees who have to agree on actions with it.

OP is making stuff up.

Show quote history

Not if its was a stocks and shares child trust fund

PinkyFlamingo · 18/09/2025 13:04

He's deliberately not paid tax. That's taking deceipt to a whole new level. That's not a mistake That's a choice. And given the amounts involved I would be very surprised if he doesn't end up in jail.

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 13:03

sunshine244 · 18/09/2025 13:02

I don't think you are taking the theft of your son's trust fund seriously. Unless you are using the wrong wording it is a criminal act. Will he be reporting to the police?

A trust fund is managed by a group of trustees who have to agree on actions with it.

OP is making stuff up.

Trendyname · 18/09/2025 13:03

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 13:02

OP - anyone can see company accounts on Gov Companies House!

So being taken off the role of company secretary is rubbish. You'd need to sign that off. All you had to do was look at his name and company online and see his accounts.

You're either very ignorant or inventing stuff.

very ignorant or inventing stuff.

or used to of doing nothing.

Tam285 · 18/09/2025 13:03

The OP is in this mess because she trusted a man and he deceived her. It has nothing to do with being a SAHM - what a shame there is so little respect for women who want to be a SAHM on here. I'm not sure if it's jealousy or insecurity that makes people feel they have to put down women that make different choices, but it's really depressing.

OP why did you buy the watch back? He doesn't need a 2 grand watch, he's just stolen your sons trust fund. To be honest he needs to be in jail.

KTheGrey · 18/09/2025 13:02

Ticktockwatchclock · 18/09/2025 12:04

How much is your house worth? You should sell it and either buy or rent a small two bedroom house or flat and use the equity to pay off the debt.
Tax evasion is one of the reasons this country is in so much trouble but it’s those with disabilities who are threatened with having their benefits cut and paying the price for people not paying their correct amount of tax. If you choose to stay with him after every thing he has done and every lie he has told, then you must shoulder the debt with him and live as many of us do, a frugal existence but with the dignity of not owing anyone anything.

He has signally failed to evade tax.

sunshine244 · 18/09/2025 13:02

I don't think you are taking the theft of your son's trust fund seriously. Unless you are using the wrong wording it is a criminal act. Will he be reporting to the police?

Trendyname · 18/09/2025 13:02

ScupperedbytheSea · 18/09/2025 12:54

Right, so going on your last update... (firmly resisting the strong urge to go WTAF?).

Sell the Porsche. They have strong resale values. Pay off some of the debt.

Downsize and pay off the rest.

Pay your son back. You are incredibly fortunate to have these options.

I'm wondering if your DH has been trying and failing to manage a very demanding home/work/lifestyle balance.

Show quote history

I'm wondering if your DH has been trying and failing to manage a very demanding home/work/lifestyle balance.

that’s the crux of it. plus OP’s addiction.

Yes he has lied and committed a financial fraud but op is not a victim of him.

user760 · 18/09/2025 13:02

Whether or not this particular thread is genuine there is definitely a spate of MNers thinking that they're rich and can live a lavish lifestyle with a household income of £120k ish.

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 13:02

OP - anyone can see company accounts on Gov Companies House!

So being taken off the role of company secretary is rubbish. You'd need to sign that off. All you had to do was look at his name and company online and see his accounts.

You're either very ignorant or inventing stuff.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 18/09/2025 13:01

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 12:56

HMRC does not send debt collectors.
This is a load of bull.

Well that, or, OP still doesn't have the full story....

I know you're no longer Secretary, but are you a Director? A Shareholder?
How does your DH take money out of the company? Salary? Shares? And if so have you (both of you) been filling in your tax returns for income tax and paying NI etc? I find it odd that HMRC could have left this for five full years before pursuing in any meaningful way.

Motnight · 18/09/2025 12:59

Change2banon · 18/09/2025 12:57

There was a thread exactly like this not long back … don’t think that lasted long either 😉

I'm beginning to wonder how long this thread will last as well!! The Porsche is the icing on the cake 🍰

Millionsofmonkeys · 18/09/2025 12:59

I don't buy the level of Naivety here.

My DH and I earn 140k between us. We have a nice lifestyle in that I don't panic at the shops; but we still buy groceries at Tesco and don't spend masses on holidays - maybe 2k a year. I drive a Skoda, he has a small Audi on HP. My watch was 150 quid. We have paid off our house. We have 500k in savings separate from our pensions, we are hoping to retire at 60. Our DC each got 10k on their 21st birthday and we help out as and when (eg DC is starting a new job and we spent 200 on smarter clothing).

You seem to be living as if DH is a millionaire.

Praying4Peace · 18/09/2025 12:58

Thenortherncardinal · 18/09/2025 10:54

As long as no money is going towards prostitutes or a hidden gambling addiction, I think you need to sort this out together. Don't take his word for it going forward, always ask to see the paperwork. You've been living the life of riley at his expense and now that you've found out that your family is heading south financially , I don't think that you should split and run. I think that would make you the female equivalent of what mumsnet commonly calls a "cocklodger". Maybe try and get into work if you can to try and maintain some independence without trying to scrounge every last penny out of him if you're planning on leaving him. You need to take some responsibility for this as an adult. I mean, you're not working and you just ask "are we okay financially?"he says "Yes" and you carry on spending his money on the nice things you want?!

This entirely.
I don't think it's fair for husband to take all the blame and separation shouldn't be considered at this stage.
Professional advice needs to be sourced and OP needs to get a job, irrespective of pay.
Running a household and sole financial responsibility is a huge responsibility and OP's salary can be used to support repayment plan