Page 12 | Husband not been paying tax for years

Shitsinthepost77 · 2025-09-18T08:41:37+00:00

I'm so worried and scared. Over a year ago two debt collectors came to our door and handed me a letter addressed to my husband. I opened it and it said we owed approx £500k to the taxman. I nearly collapsed. When my husband came home I confronted him and he basically broke down saying he hadn't been paying tax on his Ltd company for about 5 years. He'd liquidised his company without my knowledge and taken me off as Company Secretary presumably so I wouldn't find out and to extricate me from any financial liability. We had to get a tax lawyer to negotiate on our behalf with the debt collectors and after many months of wrangling, my husband told me it was £64k we owed which we could put our savings towards and also set up a direct debit and pay the rest monthly. Fast forward a year, I had two debt collectors standing at my front door. It turns out my husband has been lying about the amount owed...it's in actual fact £150k. I'm horrified, my heart's racing as I'm writing this. He told me over the phone he'd used £30k of our son's trust fund money towards it. He told me he's incapable of saying no to me (?!) and he knows he's got emotional problems. I don't understand any of this...I'm in my 50s, yes, I like nice things (who doesn't) but never overspent in terms of the money that's in our account and was surplus after all bills are paid. He didn't come home last night, he's too ashamed and embarrassed and keeps telling me he's no good and I deserve better. I've been with this man for over 30 years and can't imagine life without him, although I massively resent him at this point. I found out he'd taken his watch (a present for his 50th) to a pawnbroker to get a £1,500 per loan against the watch. He said it was to pay off the rest owed to the tax lawyer. I asked (shouted) why the hell did he not come to me as I'd managed to put some money aside. Again, he was too embarrassed and said he just wanted it sorted and out the way. I ended up giving him over £2k to get the watch back. I'm worried sick. How on earth do I deal with this without knowing whether he's lying or not? I don't have access to his business account because I'm not company secretary. I have access to everything else (I think?). I'm mostly disgusted at my son's trust fund. He's 21, and it was meant to be for a down payment on a flat at some point. Now there's nothing. My son's now aware of this and thinks I should leave his dad as he can't be trusted. What do you think? Any advice would be extremely welcome.

Maray1967 · 18/09/2025 13:25

Shitsinthepost77 · 18/09/2025 10:30

The thought of being on my own terrifies me. I also doubt i could trust another man....

I think the thought of how this man could destroy you financially should be a bigger fear, OP.

You need to protect yourself financially and try to claw back the money he has stolen from your son.

I would not have given him £2k to redeem the watch. You need every penny you have.

Howdoidoit100 · 18/09/2025 13:24

LidlAmaretto · 18/09/2025 12:57

How did you think your dh was able to afford these things? I think you are lying- either to yourself or to everyone here in a desperate attempt to avoid liability/ prison yourself, and you were absolutely complicit in the tax avoidance. You cannot possibly have thought an 8 bedroom house and a £100k super car was affordable on £130k income. Sell the house and car and pay your debts.

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My thoughts exactly

Tiswa · 18/09/2025 13:24

But I think the OP needs to actually accept her part in this - given the timeline there is every chance that this started with her 1000-1500 per month addiction that he stopped putting money aside for tax and it spiralled from there

her addiction seems to cover around a 6 year period which is 100k right there and the fact she always spent the surplus

there is every chance her spending is part of this and that now whatever happens the house will need to be sold debts paid off and decisions made from there

Bambamhoohoo · 18/09/2025 13:21

Bumblebee72 · 18/09/2025 13:14

You put in your post your were Company Secretary. If your partner liquidated the company with outstanding liabilities, you need to get legal advice. One of the responsibilities of a Company Secretary is to ensure compliance with stuff like this.

Please don’t say these things. You are frightening the OP. The company is liquidated. The debt is now being collected. These are 2 different things.

Idontknownowwhat · 18/09/2025 13:19

I had a friend in a similar position.
Your position with him is actually quite strong. You'll need to see a solicitor to arrange it, as hers did.
But they were divorcing, and she said because of your mistakes, you are going to lose everything. Your debtors will come for you until you are penniless or you have paid back everything in full, on the other hand you can do the right thing and give me 50% as it should be, and whilst we're splitting assets you can pay back the £30k you took from DS.

That may be all that saves his relationship with DS tbh

Trendyname · 18/09/2025 13:17

Spirited123 · 18/09/2025 13:15

Op,

The money problems can be fixed; your husband can earn and you could get a job as a cleaner (or start your own business).

What’s more worrying is the lying.

He has lied horrendously to you - but you’ve also been naive, perhaps?

As a priority, you need to go together to chat to a third person about your relationship and what got you here.

If there is still love there, and it sounds like there is, then this will be so worth it.

But you have to confront the lies together, and learn from it, together

Relationship counsellors near you can be found by searching the BACP website x

Good point.

Trendyname · 18/09/2025 13:16

MyPeppyCat · 18/09/2025 13:15

During a recent spell of no work (I'm self employed) I registered to do TA work (Teaching Assistant). You'll need to provide documents for verification purposes and undertake an enhanced DBS (costs about £60) but assuming everything is fine you should start getting work quickly. Pay will be low (about £88 per day, and set aside enough to cover your own tax as the agencies don't cover that) but as your son is an adult now I assume you will be free to work full time, 8.30am to 3.30pm. So in a short while you could be bringing home about £1,400 after tax which would surely be a great start.

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This is a good advice.

Bumblebee72 · 18/09/2025 13:16

Hoppinggreen · 18/09/2025 13:14

Are directors personally liable or responsible for company debts?
A company director can be held personally liable for the debts of their company in certain instances. Any debts belonging to the company which have been secured with a personal guarantee will need to be repaid by the director should the company become insolvent and subsequently enter liquidation. Directors can also be held liable for company debts should he or she be found guilty of misconduct or fraud.

For anyone who keeps insisting that a LTD company means Directors have no personal liability

That is a common misunderstanding. The shareholders have their liability limited to their investment, not the directors.

MyPeppyCat · 18/09/2025 13:15

Shitsinthepost77 · 18/09/2025 12:34

The trust fund was set up when our son was a baby. We paid into it every month. HMRC (through the debt collectors) initially wanted £500k which the tax lawyers explained was nonsense and it was reduced to £150k. That's the final settlement agreed by both parties. I honestly never demanded certain material things because I could see the same amount going into our accounts and that was what we had to either spend or save. Or at least, what i thought we had. My husband (as far as I was aware) paid tax via his business account which i don't have access to. Yes, I should have pushed to see this but I genuinely (until a year ago) thought anything was amiss. All bills were getting paid, apart from the tax as it turns out. It has taken nearly 7 months of wrangling between our lawyers and the debt collectors to reduce £500k (which was ridiculous) to the actual sum of £150k now owed. I'm obviously horrified by all this. I loathe debt. When I was on all those pills I was in the grip of a horrendous addiction cycle and got no help from the doctors. It was hellish. There are no words for the shame and embarrassment I felt and still feel. It never leaves you. Trust me, addiction can strike anyone irrespective of your background. I didn't know which way was up but fought hard to get off them. I don't drink, I've never enjoyed alcohol and could never get past one glass without feeling sick...though strangely not like that with codeine. I have worked in the past btw...at an accountancy firm and then a lawyers. I gave up my job to move to the Middle East when my son was a baby through my husband's work in the oil industry. I've applied for jobs but either don't get called for interview or haven't been successful when I have. I am very articulate, well dressed and look very smart. But again, with money I thought I had....I'm mostly pissed off re my son's trust fund. That's really hard to take. I adore my boy, we're very close and I'm very open with him. He knows everything, I mean everything.

During a recent spell of no work (I'm self employed) I registered to do TA work (Teaching Assistant). You'll need to provide documents for verification purposes and undertake an enhanced DBS (costs about £60) but assuming everything is fine you should start getting work quickly. Pay will be low (about £88 per day, and set aside enough to cover your own tax as the agencies don't cover that) but as your son is an adult now I assume you will be free to work full time, 8.30am to 3.30pm. So in a short while you could be bringing home about £1,400 after tax which would surely be a great start.

Spirited123 · 18/09/2025 13:15

Op,

The money problems can be fixed; your husband can earn and you could get a job as a cleaner (or start your own business).

What’s more worrying is the lying.

He has lied horrendously to you - but you’ve also been naive, perhaps?

As a priority, you need to go together to chat to a third person about your relationship and what got you here.

If there is still love there, and it sounds like there is, then this will be so worth it.

But you have to confront the lies together, and learn from it, together

Relationship counsellors near you can be found by searching the BACP website x

Bumblebee72 · 18/09/2025 13:14

You put in your post your were Company Secretary. If your partner liquidated the company with outstanding liabilities, you need to get legal advice. One of the responsibilities of a Company Secretary is to ensure compliance with stuff like this.

Trendyname · 18/09/2025 13:14

Shitsinthepost77 · 18/09/2025 13:08

Ok, when i 'got' my husband's watch back it was before the debt collectors landed on the doorstep. He told me he needed the money to pay extra to the tax lawyers. He told me that was the end of it and grovelled to buggery.

Re our lifestyle...well, we don't live in London....but further north...more bang for your buck! 8 apartment house does indeed mean 8 bedrooms however not all used as bedrooms. It seems excessive. It's actually not that big, but been added to previously by the last owner. Rooms are big because it's an old house. I've thought about downsizing but hate modern houses and being in an estate. Might have to do that tho. Remember people, this has all come as a big shock, I thought an original figure had been settled, it appears the original settlement was much more. The Porsche i can definitely live with getting rid of. I'll just buy a Bentley...I'm joking! Think I'm hysterical with shock, hurt, confusion and disbelief. Btw, I know plenty of women who don't work or taken early retirement (but do voluntary work) which I've done plenty of. I just thought we were OK financially and my husband seemed fine with it. I've never been ambitious but probably become a bit lazy and used to the way things are. I would love a part time job but haven't been successful yet.

How would you support your husband now? So far he has been contributing to this lifestyle you both had been enjoying. He helped you with your addiction, you say he is a good man. So you know better than us all. You make a plan with him, ask him to share all financial information, go to accountant with him. It’s just 2 or 3 of you, you can downsize from 8 bedrooms to 3/4 bedrooms home. Porsche can be replaced with a cheaper car. From this extra money repay the taxes, put money in son’s trust fund.
Then tell your dh you want to be involved in the business activities even if your name is not on papers or can he hire you?
you will learn something and will gain confidence and who knows can start own small business.

Hoppinggreen · 18/09/2025 13:14

Are directors personally liable or responsible for company debts?
A company director can be held personally liable for the debts of their company in certain instances. Any debts belonging to the company which have been secured with a personal guarantee will need to be repaid by the director should the company become insolvent and subsequently enter liquidation. Directors can also be held liable for company debts should he or she be found guilty of misconduct or fraud.

For anyone who keeps insisting that a LTD company means Directors have no personal liability

pinkdelight · 18/09/2025 13:14

I've thought about downsizing but hate modern houses and being in an estate. Might have to do that tho.

Uh, yeah, think so, and don't just look for the 'part-time jobs you'd love' either. If you're up north, you can sell the Porsche and mansion and there's plenty of 3-beds, on an estate or terraced or whatever, you could buy outright and pay off the debt with the difference, while getting a full-time job to support yourself so you always know your income. You just need to come join us on planet Earth first.

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 13:13

why did you open your husband's post?

you've taken no interest in his money or tax for years.

lechatnoir · 18/09/2025 13:13

I'm guessing OP & her husband were the Trustees and he forged her signature to access the money. If this comes to light he would likely face criminal charges and possible prison sentence.

Hellohelga · 18/09/2025 13:11

You need to find out if anything is secured against the house and whether you could lose it. There’s a big difference between a limited company debt and a personal debt. I had this with a relative. Lies lies lies until finally the house was repossessed.

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 13:11

Shitsinthepost77 · 18/09/2025 13:08

Ok, when i 'got' my husband's watch back it was before the debt collectors landed on the doorstep. He told me he needed the money to pay extra to the tax lawyers. He told me that was the end of it and grovelled to buggery.

Re our lifestyle...well, we don't live in London....but further north...more bang for your buck! 8 apartment house does indeed mean 8 bedrooms however not all used as bedrooms. It seems excessive. It's actually not that big, but been added to previously by the last owner. Rooms are big because it's an old house. I've thought about downsizing but hate modern houses and being in an estate. Might have to do that tho. Remember people, this has all come as a big shock, I thought an original figure had been settled, it appears the original settlement was much more. The Porsche i can definitely live with getting rid of. I'll just buy a Bentley...I'm joking! Think I'm hysterical with shock, hurt, confusion and disbelief. Btw, I know plenty of women who don't work or taken early retirement (but do voluntary work) which I've done plenty of. I just thought we were OK financially and my husband seemed fine with it. I've never been ambitious but probably become a bit lazy and used to the way things are. I would love a part time job but haven't been successful yet.

Yeah 🙄

Hoppinggreen · 18/09/2025 13:11

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 13:09

Prove it

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How the Hell would I do that exactly?
Why don't you have a little think about why I know this for certain?

lechatnoir · 18/09/2025 13:10

My most pressing thought is however much you hate him right now, this is your son's father and your husband of many years and he is high suicide risk right now. Make it absolutely clear that he's shat all over you both financially and you would never forgive him if he took the cowardly way out of suicide plus it would likely void any insurance policies so you would be doubly screwed.

I guess you need to decide if you want to save your marriage. Honestly, your least painful option is a very quick divorce and he go bankrupt. If that's not on the table, then the only saving grave is he still has a high earning job so you taking complete control of all finances, downsizing, selling off high value items like jewellery/cars etc and significantly reducing your outgoings, you may be able to get this paid off fairly quickly. Priority then is repaying your DC and building back your savings and settling into a new normal. I would never trust him with family or personal finances again. Ever.

sunshine244 · 18/09/2025 13:09

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 13:03

A trust fund is managed by a group of trustees who have to agree on actions with it.

OP is making stuff up.

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Not necessarily making things up... might be using the wrong terminology.

Op - by trust fund do you mean a formal officially set up trust fund. Or are you referring to an account in your sons name e.g. an ISA. Or is it just a savings account that you intended to give to him but isn't formally set up that way?

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 13:09

Hoppinggreen · 18/09/2025 13:08

They do

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Prove it

user760 · 18/09/2025 13:09

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 13:05

Do you mean a child ISA?

Her son is no longer a child; he's 21.

Edited

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No a child trust fund. Someone aged 21 would have had one started up by the government. The OP doesn't say exactly when the money was taken

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 13:08

The posts by OP have more holes than a colander.

I'm out.

Hoppinggreen · 18/09/2025 13:08

ScarletVelvetSlippers · 18/09/2025 12:56

HMRC does not send debt collectors.
This is a load of bull.

They do