Husband not been paying tax for years

I'm so worried and scared. Over a year ago two debt collectors came to our door and handed me a letter addressed to my husband. I opened it and it said we owed approx £500k to the taxman. I nearly collapsed.

When my husband came home I confronted him and he basically broke down saying he hadn't been paying tax on his Ltd company for about 5 years. He'd liquidised his company without my knowledge and taken me off as Company Secretary presumably so I wouldn't find out and to extricate me from any financial liability. We had to get a tax lawyer to negotiate on our behalf with the debt collectors and after many months of wrangling, my husband told me it was £64k we owed which we could put our savings towards and also set up a direct debit and pay the rest monthly.

Fast forward a year, I had two debt collectors standing at my front door. It turns out my husband has been lying about the amount owed...it's in actual fact £150k. I'm horrified, my heart's racing as I'm writing this. He told me over the phone he'd used £30k of our son's trust fund money towards it. He told me he's incapable of saying no to me (?!) and he knows he's got emotional problems.

I don't understand any of this...I'm in my 50s, yes, I like nice things (who doesn't) but never overspent in terms of the money that's in our account and was surplus after all bills are paid. He didn't come home last night, he's too ashamed and embarrassed and keeps telling me he's no good and I deserve better. I've been with this man for over 30 years and can't imagine life without him, although I massively resent him at this point.

I found out he'd taken his watch (a present for his 50th) to a pawnbroker to get a £1,500 per loan against the watch. He said it was to pay off the rest owed to the tax lawyer. I asked (shouted) why the hell did he not come to me as I'd managed to put some money aside. Again, he was too embarrassed and said he just wanted it sorted and out the way. I ended up giving him over £2k to get the watch back.

I'm worried sick. How on earth do I deal with this without knowing whether he's lying or not? I don't have access to his business account because I'm not company secretary. I have access to everything else (I think?).

I'm mostly disgusted at my son's trust fund. He's 21, and it was meant to be for a down payment on a flat at some point. Now there's nothing. My son's now aware of this and thinks I should leave his dad as he can't be trusted. What do you think? Any advice would be extremely welcome.

Divorce asap

It sounds like the two if you have been living some kind of fantasy life where he is the Big I Am and boasts about how his wife doesn't need to work, has watches worth several thousand, and a hefty trust fund for the son....and it was a house of cards.

I feel differently in that your son should never have had 30 or 40k in a trust fund if your family couldn't afford it. Obviously paying taxes should have been prioritised over the illusion of being this wealthy.

If you do want to work (and I think you should), you should probably start by volunteering in a charity shop so you can put something on your CV. I think you should sell the watch, and any other signs of wealth that you simply can't afford (what cars do you drive, for example?) and accept that your lifestyle has been achieved by fraud.

Whether you divorce DH or not - you will have to get used to a much more modest lifestyle.

Have you made sure there aren’t any other debts?

You seem very peppy for someone who's DH has just fucked over your son & owes £150k to the tax man.

No, trust me, there is no 'poor me'. My husband took my name off as Company Secretary many years ago without my knowledge. But yes, I've been naive. I don't think he was 'carrying me'. We worked as a family unit and never had to lift a finger round the house. I always (still do) kept the house to a high standard. I'm also always on hand for my elderly parents and do my best. This is a great forum, because it helps unravel thoughts and feelings. I'm still pissed off tho.

I understood the clause that life insurance doesn’t pay out of sucide had been ruled illegal years ago- as it should, for being discriminatory

I have literally been in a house when one turned up for both company and personal tax.
HMRC have employees who work for DM Field collections

DMBM510150 - Customer contact and data security: introduction: face to face contact - HMRC internal manual - GOV.UK

Ps. If he commits suicide, the life insurance won't pay out so frankly it is a useless pursuit on so many levels. It may stop the situation getting any worse for him but will leave you well in the shit both emotionally and financially

Looks like he has an addiction issue - gambling perhaps? Run for the hills or you will end up homeless.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/what-will-happen-if-you-do-not-pay-your-tax-bill#hmrc-and-debt-collection-agencies

Proof. An easy Google search.

Presumably only in name - in order to take a salary out of the company to mitigate income tax, as spread across two people not one...

As a Company Secretary you have to sign off accounts - so until he removed you as director you must have known something awry!