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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think my handover should actually be a handover, not me being snapped at?

139 replies

Slightlymalted · 18/09/2025 09:35

Everyone knows the job market is tough at the moment. I’ve read on here and elsewhere that the best way to get ahead is to reach out directly to companies you’re interested in and to lean on your network. I did exactly that at the start of the year and managed to line up some consultancy/advisory work.

It went well, and people at the company were really positive about me. They even said at the time that if there was a vacancy they’d love to have me properly on board. At that stage there wasn’t a role beyond the consultancy bit, so I just carried on.

Then the woman who heads up this area decided to resign. From what I gather she was competent enough, but she didn’t gel with the leadership team and there had been a bit of friction. The company seemed pretty happy about her decision to leave, and to be totally honest, so was I because it opened up this opportunity for me.

So now I’m doing the handover with her, and here’s where I’m struggling. The role is a lot bigger than I thought, she’s been juggling a huge amount. I really want to do well in this position, and I am committed to it, but I’m finding the handover process frustrating.

We’ve already had something like 15 hours of handover sessions. At first she was going through things properly, but now she’s very obviously losing patience. She’s started snapping and when I ask questions, instead of explaining, she just says things like “you just know this” or “you just do.” Which is not helpful when I’m trying to understand how things actually work in practice.

I appreciate she might feel resentful that I’m stepping into her role, but that’s not my fault, and I’m just trying to learn. I’m frustrated because I feel like I’m not being given the best chance to succeed, and I don’t want to start off badly in what should be a really positive step for me.

So, AIBU to expect her to stay professional and actually hand things over properly, regardless of how she feels about me? Would you raise it with the CEO/leadership that the handover isn’t being done properly, or should I just muddle through and piece things together myself?

OP posts:
MolluscMonday · 18/09/2025 10:08

It sounds like you’re not ready for it tbh.

Is it a big jump up? 15 hours of handover and a written document is loads.

SafeSex · 18/09/2025 10:01

If you're taking over this, apparently quite senior, role, surely there are things you're supposed to know already? It can't be 100% new information and subject matters at this level, surely.

Original poster
Slightlymalted · 18/09/2025 09:59

Shedmistress · 18/09/2025 09:44

Just to add, I once took over a role that someone had been struggling with and it was because they were doing far too much, and doing it wrong. I stripped back the 78 page exec report for example to 6 max, redesigned it to be more user friendly, used excel to auto add figures rather than putting hundreds of graphs in and showed everything in very simple tables. Also, I corrected loads of errors in the original data which were throwing huge anomalies into the reports and streamlined the whole thing.

Do it your way, that's what they hired you to do.

That’s the thing though, I don’t think she’s been overcomplicating it at all. If anything, the opposite. She’s already stripped everything back so far that there’s basically no documentation, no notes, no extra reporting. It’s all just in her head.

Which is fine if you’ve been in the role for years and know every quirk of the systems, but for me stepping in fresh it’s really difficult. There aren’t any proper guides, templates, or even much background info, so now when I ask how do you do this, she just says “its just a judgement call” and moves on.

So I think that’s why I’m struggling. She’s obviously very efficient in her own way and has got it down to the bare minimum, but that means there’s nothing for me to grab onto. I’m not trying to replicate her exactly, but I at least need a baseline to work from. Right now it feels like I’m trying to build a puzzle with the pieces turned upside down.

OP posts:
NowYouSee · 18/09/2025 09:58

Also candidly whilst it is important for you to make a positive impression and hit ground running, it isn’t for her and indeed could be negative for her so why should she put herself out to make you look brilliant? So have a good hard think about the genuine gaps in your info work out what’s you really need from her that you can’t get from others/work out yourself and prioritise covering that in one final session.

Be super polite and grateful in approach to her, how much you appreciate all her support and all the time she has spent, she is such big shoes to fill, don’t want all her tremendous efforts to be waste by you getting it wrong day 1. Go in surly and the you should be a professional line you can forget any further help.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 18/09/2025 09:58

15 hours of handover is absolutely batshit - is it you asking for so much of her time?

Original poster
Slightlymalted · 18/09/2025 09:57

Swandry · 18/09/2025 09:39

15 hours of handover is more than I would expect. Has she done a document?

Yes, but it just replicates our sessions, there's no extra information in there.

OP posts:
NowYouSee · 18/09/2025 09:54

15 hour is a LOT of time for handover at a mid to senior level from someone who is leaving.

I Mean this gently but you are coming over like you’re expecting to be spoon fed all answers like a junior but part of these jobs is figuring stuff out.

TheRealMagic · 18/09/2025 09:51

I think the issue is you're expecting her to train you. That's not what a handover is - but also, at head of department level no one is going to train you on the job as a whole at all. There will be no process manual for your role - that's part of being more senior.

xanthic · 18/09/2025 09:49

I think she's been more than kind to you.

The reason why you feel like it's too much/you don't get it is because it's an unreasonable job that she's been struggling with for ages and having to make work... and here you are, expecting her to make it sound easy.

If it was easy, it wouldn't have pushed her into resigning.

You wanted her job, you got her job... you can't expect her to make it simple. 15 hours is more handover than many people would give you in those circumstances.

Complain about her, and she'll go off sick for the rest of her notice period, and then no more handover of any kind for you.

Shedmistress · 18/09/2025 09:44

Just to add, I once took over a role that someone had been struggling with and it was because they were doing far too much, and doing it wrong. I stripped back the 78 page exec report for example to 6 max, redesigned it to be more user friendly, used excel to auto add figures rather than putting hundreds of graphs in and showed everything in very simple tables. Also, I corrected loads of errors in the original data which were throwing huge anomalies into the reports and streamlined the whole thing.

Do it your way, that's what they hired you to do.

Shedmistress · 18/09/2025 09:40

Yeah 15 hours seems alot. I'd stick to the headline 'must knows from her' and find out the rest myself from other team members or systems experts.

Swandry · 18/09/2025 09:39

15 hours of handover is more than I would expect. Has she done a document?

TheRealMagic · 18/09/2025 09:39

15 hours of handover is unreasonable and I'm not surprised she's losing patience. Normal procedure would be that she would produce written notes (which in my experience are very variable in terms of quality/level of detail) and then meet with you once or twice to go over any questions. It's not unusual to not even get that. You will not know everything about the job when you start it - that's normal and not her problem - and nor, tbh, is it her problem that you didn't understand the job scope until after getting it. It sounds like she has already done an awful lot, especially for someone not leaving on the best of terms.

Tiswa · 18/09/2025 09:38

It sounds as if the job was too much for one person and she had had enough and the leadership and the job and just wants to go - this isn’t personal to you

but what do you want from her she has spent 15 hours handing it over so far at some point you are going to have to start looking through and working it out as well