to ask you to tell us something you’d never admit IRL Thread 2

Affair Partner, @Fatfreefatball

@Mynameissomething sorry for your loss but what does AP stand for?

Overall, would you say it's a positive thing looking back?
Or was it just a one off rather than part of a greater pattern?

Oh wow
is there someone you can talk to about this in RL ?

Obviously don't know about this poster, but my friend said she ensured this by using the Shettles method, but research has since shown that it is ineffective.

How did you ensure you had a girl?

My 3rd child is a girl after 2 boys. It wasn't luck alone! Nobody will ever know exactly how far I went to ensure I had a girl.
I do not regret anything.

That's always a worry. They might cut them. I did score 4 or more points on multiple areas though, and I've had significantly more professional input from services and adult social care with demonstrable evidence of need through care assessments and need that I feel reasonably secure when it comes up for re-assessment, not to mention the ever piling list of diagnoses that have cropped up since my last assessment.

Still, they may get cut. That's true. I'm utterly unemployable long term though, so if that happens I'll just plan a swift exit and see everyone in the next life when we're all cats.

Yesterday at 7.30am I discovered my long term AP had died suddenly

Thought he was messing about not getting my usual morning texts so checked his FB

I still can’t believe it and can’t speak about it to anybody

I am 45 and juat had my first smear test this morning.

I have a deep shame about having a body. The shameful embarrassment of having corporeal form. I don't wish to die, I just feel like everyone is embarrassed for me because I have this body.

I wasnt abused, but led to believe my body was ultimately shameful and I chose to have dirty, dirty periods and made my body grow to the size it is.

I told the doctor. She was kind.

@Belladog1 you must have nerves of steel, that stuff terrifies me!

You're right, and if things get any worse that's what we will do. I still resent the fact that she is so lazy and just assumes that we will be responsible for everything. Even discussing making arrangements and legal stuff, she will be all shocked Pikachu.

I'm right there with you. I am very beautiful and very vain. It's all I really value about myself, although nobody would really think it of me. I'm not the type to get botox or enhancements, and I dont really care about the male gaze, but I do live for fashion. My clothing collection must run into the tens of thousands, if not more.

I only feel worthy of love, and actually happy when I am slimmer. I have nothing against anyone else being overweight - but I could never be overweight myself as I have used my looks to get by my whole life.
I wasn’t loved as I should have been as a child. Nobody taught me how to adult - I was just thrown out and expected to get on with it. For years my life was a mess. I’ve been with my wonderful husband for so long now, and even so I still don’t believe I’m good enough. I feel like a charlatan all the time. I’m a good, kind person and my life is good - people respond well to me, but the weight of the shame can be suffocating.

The rational side of me tells me lots of people must feel this way. I continue to be kind, advocate for my younger colleagues, support my children and just hope it’s enough in the end. As the years pass, the feeling of someone about to pull the rug does lessen, so I’m confident I’m moving in the right direction.

I really love a good world disaster. I get totally hooked on reading everything there is about it. Tsunami, earthquakes ........ I'm in.

Hope everyone on here is ok. Very often if you think you're not loveable or useful it's because some negative shitbox has convinced you of that, not because it's true x

I regularly wish for the extinction of the human race.

I'm letting everyone down and I'm spending way too much time lately trying to work out how I can just disappear. The only thing keeping me here is how it would affect my elderly parents if I just vanished.

I shouldn't ever have been a mother. I love my son so much, but his childhood was chaotic because of me, and he deserves and deserved so much more.

I reported my BIL and his family to social services as his wife was having a psychotic episode and no one was looking out for their youngest.

I have inherited some money and no one but the solicitor knows. Not a life changing amount, but I wasn't anticipating anything.

Can't you get help from the council. I don't see why anybody should be forced into being a carer.

I'm sick to the fucking back teeth of my SIL and her husband not pulling their weight with my FIL. The man is disabled and ill, and my husband and I have to do everything becuase she is too fucking lazy. I work full time, she is unemployed and has never had a job in her life. I am this.close to blowing up at them about it. Why should I sacrifice my health and leisure time to someone who I'm not even related to!? Lazy bitch she is.

I can relate to some things in your post (similar) but I've done things I regret that aren't in your post. Time to forgive ourselves and redeem. Balance the scales and be better. We can only learn from our mistakes we can't change them. Be kind to yourself as well as others. Sending strength

• I'm currently in a relationship but often think of my narcissistic abusive ex from 10+ years ago.

• when I was very young, my other very young but slightly older cousin and I did some very inappropriate things together.

• aged 14-15 my local regular takeaway owner was being very flirty and inappropriate with me when my mother sent me to get food for us. Technically I have told partners in real life, but never told anybody else and certainly not my parents as they'd of gone crazy.

• as a young child I had a phase of being honestly a bit evil at times. For example at primary school purposely damaging other classmates art work without them knowing and finding it funny seeing them upset and confused at who did it. I look back now and feel shame and regret and feel relief I grew out of behaving like that.

• I'm a very unhappy person and every day think about dying and wanting to die. It doesn't help that the world now is very depressing and feels hopeless.

Just be careful they don't cut them.