to ask you to tell us something you’d never admit IRL Thread 2

Same here, there seems to be a few of us.

I met a man and found out after a few months he was married. I was smitten and carried on seeing him (was well against my morals) but I was crazy about him. I still am. He's currently going though his divorce. We live together and are blissfully happy. We plan to marry next year. Both in our 50s.

Are you still with him or have you ditched him? (I hope you have!). I think sadly settling is more likely between 20 and 30. Strangely I can ALWAYS tell when a woman has settled for her partner, mainly just the way they "look"/act together in public. I've also seen their partners become virtually invisible once the wedding is over and babies come along, and they seem to be only kept around for a second (or even their sole) income and an extra pair of hands in the house/with the kids and to fix the house and car. A bit sad for the men and I wonder if they know/realise they've been "settled" for. For the women, it becomes very apparent and quite soul destroying after the wedding/babies, but now they're stuck with kids and a mortgage (and at least they're not alone). Another reality is that sadly the majority of men are painfully average or even full on crap, so women dont have much to choose from if they really want marriage and a family. This is why I'm so glad I never wanted kids- that urge/desire overrides everything I've been told. I never date men I don't really fancy.

My father had a mental breakdown and disowned me after I ran around supporting him in and out of hospital for operations. That was after years of him ruunng almost every special occasion ( he just doesn't like that I kept my mum in my life and that I have autistic kids) Im so glad he disowned me , he was horrible and aggressive and stressful to be around. He isn't missed.

I have 2 and my dh seems to be neurodiverse, didn't notice when I was in my inexperienced young 20s but having kids with autism and seeing his other famolh members get diagnosed has really turned my life upside down. My health has suffered unfortunately.

I settled when I was 21 ,married when I was 24, now 40 and wouldn't pick him again if I could have seen the sort of marriage that is now dead , that I was going to be subjected to.

That I feel constant guilt for bringing a child with autism into the world.

I hope you can learn to get past this horrible feeling. It was given to you whilst you were vulnerable and developing, it's not your shame it's someone else's.

You have just reminded me that I really must get another smear test. I've only had two in my life and I'm 48 now. Unfortunately we're at an age where we have to take this stuff seriously, it's really important self-care. I'm so glad you were able to do it and the doctor was kind. Perhaps you can start being kind and taking care of yourself a bit more in other ways too, can your doctor help you? You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Favourite is an interesting word, do you mean that you don't feel really important to anyone? Or do you think that everyone has favourites and we become a favourite by indulging other people?

Do you have a favourite sibling, parent or child yourself? How do you show that favouritism?

Hopefully you do feel important and valued by your family, I'm sure that many do appreciate the efforts that you make. We all have different ways of showing appreciation, some give time and practical help, some share hobbies or interests, and others like to praise or indulge with presents. We all have different styles, values, and ways of showing appreciation.

I don't wish for extinction, just a really bad natural disaster that threatens all life on Earth and requires us to forget our petty differences, renders rich and poor both equally vulnerable, and we have to all come together to combat existential doom.

Then I remember climate disaster and how close we are to the point of no-return, and I realise you'll probably get your wish.

My Dad died on my Birthday, and I'm actually quite pleased about it.

Not pleased about my Dad dying; I just love using it as an excuse for not celebrating my birthday.. I don't care about getting older either, I just think adults celebrating birthdays and getting cards and presents is really egocentric and childish. Whenever I express this opinion I get shot-down, so now I can say "I don't celebrate my birthday because it's the day my Dad died" and people shut up.

It's also a great way to prevent my sister going on about how sad she is and still mourning dad on the anniversary of his death - as it would appear insensitive of her to go oon about it on my birthday! I don't particularly care about it being my birthday, I just hate pity-fests.

I hate sentimental clap-trap and self-indulgence. To be clear: real empathy and care for others, and the expression of genuine feelings is wonderful, I just hate all the superficial special days to be happy/sad, it's a performance.

@Alloveragain44 Same. Both parents had/have Alzheimer's. It's terrifying. If I am ever diagnosed, I'm off to Switzerland. I'll have a personal fund for it.

Please don't be, it is a rational decision.

@MNHQ that you for your message but I'm perfectly OK with my choice. @WannaFOffOnHoliday glad you enjoy breakfast, they will continue for a while yet.

Sounds just like my mother!
I feel for you OP

I wish you didnt feel like that.
I cant say anything to make you feel better but i enjoy your breakfasts so much (Im a different user name over there)

Im no-ones favourite
Not a favourite Child. Sister. Daughter. Niece. Auntie. Granddaughter. Cousin. Friend
No-ones favouite
I put so much effort into people and buying lovely presents at Christmas and Birthdays and i never get much effort back
Sad really

Every day for the last fortnight I’ve thought about someone from my past and what could have been. They are married with children now so that ship has very much sailed. I don’t imagine they have thought about me in last fifteen years!

Actually, scratch that- 95% is a huge percentage. So I'll say the majority of women.

Not an admission as such, but a belief I would never say IRL: That I think that 95% of women settled for their DH/DP. Mainly because they wanted children, or for money/security, all their friends were coupling up/getting married/having babies, or they felt pressure to. The other 5% who are genuinely, truly, madly in love, plus the ones who get to be with their crush/"first" choice, are the lucky ones. I am single and not engaged/married in my late 30s* and don't have children simply because I don't want to be one of that 95%. I want to be one of the lucky ones.

*username says 90s but I grew up in the 90s, not born in them.

I know exactly what you mean.
Hoping she goes within the year frankly.

I can't stand my mother. I am sick to death of her condescending tones, self centredness, total self boasting, aggressive eye bulging lectures and constant boring diatribes of shite about other people. She does know about my struggles about a single parent with a stressful job and that i'm going through the menopause and other health problems (because she always seems to think I'm making stuff up... Like WHY would I do that?!) I'm sick of her lack of empathy and understanding but she wants all the attention over her health problems ALL of the time. I just can't stand justifying myself to her and her talking to me like i'm a total moron. I have a responsible stressful job and have brought up a son with disabilities on my own and deserve more respect. She seems to enjoy paying me off with the odd monetary gift as a boomer and behaves like I should be licking her boots over it. I'd rather have a kind empathetic mother really instead. It's really hurtful

My in laws make my life a misery the majority of the time.

After watching loved ones die. I have decided if I can when the time comes that I'm going to take control of the situation myself. If I'm diagnosed with anything terminal I'm going to spare myself and my family the agony. I've had a stressful few years looking after my mother in law and I've hated it. I'm about to start all over again with my own mum. I'm not subjecting my family ro the misery and stress I've felt.

When I’m at home eating, I chop up everything on my plate into bite sized pieces so I don’t need to use a knife, just a fork.

I have very little empathy and have to pretend to feel emotion just to appear normal.