My exes and finances

What? Dad has his child every weekend, so 3/7. He is disabled and OP has every second weekend entirely child free.

so… he’s disabled? And you think that equates to lazy?

you hardly sound stretched…. You are working far less than the rest of us with no weekend childcare responsibilities. If anyone is lazy it’s you.

also, what his wife earns is absolutely not relevant.

Dad’s got a lot of nerve. What a CF

I replied to the wrong thread, I meant to post on the thread where the dad is treating his new wife as a nanny for his child.

Did you read the post? Or just do the common Mumsnet reaction of man bad? She has her weekend away from both kids but doesn't work because she needs to "decompress".

Are you for real? The poor man has lost all feeling in right side & you want some of his money, so you can look after daughter A who is 15 & b who is around 11?
Both kids are in secondary so get off your arse & get a proper job. You are not a single mum, both dads co parent.
My word you give women a bad name! It’s not their job to provide for their children because you want to chill at weekends because you work 25 hours less a week than normal adults. Give yourself a head wobble!!

@Exandstress

Legally you have no recourse to his compensation and since he has no income you have no salary to claim on. I know it is frustrating as hell and exDH and his new wife have probably made the decision for him to not work knowing full well that it eliminates your daughter's maintenance.

The only way you can get anything out of them for your daughter is by being nice, which you are not.

Eh ??
the dad has his DD all weekend every weekend

You don’t see a problem with the DH doing his hobby on Saturdays, leaving OP to be babysitter?

Why does he get time off but OP doesn’t?

You need your weekends off ??
parents don’t generally get weekends off - it’s usually a 24/7 thing !

yours are very - the money is for us / me -

it’s not for u - it’s for DD, and you only have her 1 day more ?

i can’t see the problem ?

The same applies to you though 🙄 the kids are old enough to go to breakfast/after school clubs while you find yourself a proper job! Instead of expecting your exes to pay for your way in life whilst you sit back and relax 🤦🏻‍♀️

Why can’t you work full time hours? Your oldest DD doesn’t need you around all the time and your youngest has one parent who isn’t working so should be freely available for all childcare.

He’s allowed to make decisions (like leave his job) that best suit his lifestyle. You don’t get to choose to work part time and expect your ex to subsidise your life. You can reasonably expect him to pick up childcare slack to facilitate you working full time though.

Blimey my ex pays 70 a month and my kids rarely go to his anymore when they did it was every other weekend so I could do days out with them aswell

You are saying you can't love your younger daughter as much because she doesn't net you as much money. Is that really what you are saying?

And no, legally you're not entitled to any of his compensation. He's lost the use of half of his body, have you no compassion? Also, what his wife earns and how she spends that is nothing to do with you.

Maybe speak to CMS and see if they can get him to pay a nominal monthly sum, he should be on some benefits, maybe PIP or ESA, so they might put a claim against that.

I'm sure you can pick up extra hours at work, or find a second job if the ex looks after your daughter a bit more now he has more availability.

I’m fairly certain you’re trolling us but just in case

Kids are not pay per view.

Everything you discribed is called being a parent, which millions of us do with also working and not needing endless down time. Stop being lazy.

He’s lost the use of one side of his body, has a strong weekly relationship with his daughter, his wife has ensured that his daughters extra curricular are not negatively impacted by the (clearly devastating accident or circumstance at work which has led to such a substantial payout) loss of work. Parents lose jobs. That your eldest child’s dad didn’t suffer any catastrophic incident during his working years was luck. Your youngest child’s dad did. If you were still together you’d have faced the financial terrible the loss of job, and the emotional terror of the loss of health. His “payout” is compensation for the huge negative impact that his employer clearly had a role in. It’s not a replacement of earning and you are entitled to none of it. His earning potential and life has seen a huge hit. He’s still a good dad, he’s still paying for her, (in the form of extra curricular) but as he isnt earning he is not obliged to give you any more.

I think you are disgusting op. He’s not a cash cow. His value to your shared daughter is the same now that he doesn’t earn as much. You just have to cut your cloth.

This is an interesting one. Could it be that, as he has your DD the same amount of time as you (weekends are more full time than weekdays) then you call it quits on the money? If he had her one more day, would you have to pay maintenance towards him for his care of your DD? Just putting it out there for people to consider.

OP you work the equivalent of 2 days a week, you don't need a whole weekend to unwind.

you get 2 weekends child free a month, most parents would bite your hand off for that, you need to work full time now. they're old enough and you need the money. moaning about it won't change it, he's been injured and gotten a settlement.

if he does give any more it will be to your daughter in future. seek advice if you want but regardless. he is SAHP increase her ays with him and get to full time hours. Tesco are a decent employer with opportunities to move up. Both the kids are old enough you can focus a bit more on your and advancing your career.

The cheek saying he needs to find other work when he is partially paralysed and you need weekend to rest from 15 hours of work.

He's lost the use of his ENTIRE RIGHT SIDE? Oh give over this has to be a wind up. no one can be this callous

Wow!

The weekend your daughter is with her dad could be used for work. You say you go out to work everyday but only work 15 hours?
Full time hours are possible with children- wraparound care for youngest and a 15 year old can care for themselves a few hours(barring any special needs)
I’m not saying fathers shouldn’t pay towards their children but you’re at nearly 50/50- providing he buys everything for your daughter on his time he shouldn’t have to fund the lifestyle you want.

It isn't your fault that he isn't working, but the fact is that he isn't. From your later post, it appears this is due to a serious injury. As he is not working, he does not owe you any maintenance for your child unless he is receiving certain benefits, in which case he should be paying £7 per week.

The payout from his ex-employer is compensation. It isn't clear if that is for the injury, discrimination, or unfair dismissal. It is possible that some of it would count as income for child maintenance purposes, but the majority of it will not, so you will at best only be entitled to a small amount from it.

His wife's earnings are irrelevant. And, as others have pointed out, if he has your daughter any more than he currently does, he will not owe you any child maintenance even if he gets a job. Indeed, you may owe him child maintenance in that situation.

You have been very lucky to be able to make ends meet on only 15 hours work a week. As others have said, you need to think about increasing your hours rather than trying to get more money from your ex.

This is insane, your ex has lost use of the right side of his body due to an accident and you genuinely think you're entitled to some of his compensation!?

Sounds like an awful accident and you should be ashamed of yourself.

You need to work more hours/find a new job. I rarely comment on threads like this but your sense of entitlement and lack of compassion is staggering.

Kinda like, just because you don't want to work any extra, doesn't mean you couldn't.

I AM a single parent with an ex that spent years trying not to pay. What did I do? I worked. I worked and I saved and I took care of my children because that's what was most important to me. Didn't bother whining about it, just got on with it.
I never stopped chasing behind the scenes, and eventually got what was owed, but I wasn't going to let my children suffer while I did so just because I picked an arsehole 🤷‍♀️

@Exandstress Why on earth did you think you would be entitled to HIS work compensation for HIS accident at work causing HIM a serious injury?!!! Is he even fit to work now, poor guy.