My exes and finances

I agree with all this but UC should stop or be reduced if maintenance is paid. Plus UC shouldn't be a tool to be used so people can relax all weekend because they need a rest from working 15 hours and looking after their own children. This is just wrong. I worked full time and weekends to support my family as did my DH.

This is what is wrong with the benefits system in the UK. Everyone wants to do the bare minimum to maximise their entitlement. I can’t believe my taxes are paying for people like OP to choose a lifestyle of part time work because she needs a rest from parenting her own children.

Either from his wife’s earnings (family money presumably) if they have jointly agreed that he will be a stay at home dad. Or from his settlement which is presumably being used to house, feed, clothe his other kids. Or from his benefits.

I don’t really understand why OP is getting such a hard time here. There are countless threads about shitty men getting out of paying CMS and everyone is outraged. Of course it’s her maintenance it’s to pay for the costs of her having their child more than him, hearing, school uniform etc. Those costs haven’t gone away even though his contribution has. Ultimately he couldn’t afford to not work as it meant he couldn’t afford to be responsible for all his children. So no he should not have become a stay at home dad and expected OP to pick up the tab.

Have you read all the responses from the op?

Surely she has a responsibility to earn enough to support her dc as much as he does? She has an old teenager, and both in school and the younger one with her dad every weekend, but can only work 15 hours a week. Come on!

Why can’t you work full time? Not many of us love full time, stressful jobs but - here we are- we do it anyway.
I can’t imagine asking others for money and moaning, and working so little hours.
Nobody seems to want to pay their way and set an example anymore!

Going forward I don’t think it’s reasonable to insist he works if he significantly disabled, but I am surprised that they aren’t paying some sort of maintenance as a couple even if the law doesn’t oblige them to

By ‘as a couple’ I presume you mean his wife. I had the same request from DH’s ex years ago when he was temporarily out of a job. She thought I would want to contribute to their children. My 9 month old DC was in FT nursery, I worked FT, she didn’t work at all, and their children were similar ages to OP here. I said no. You can’t demand money from the new wife so you can continue to not work (or work 15 hours, which is basically the same thing). Maximise your own income before you go demanding anyone else’s

So your ex has lost use of half his body and legitimately unlikely can work and yet you refuse to work full time even though you have a teenager in a year who can vote and a 7 year old! Please you are so entitled and lazy

Yabu to keep referring to maintenance payments for your DC as ‘earnings’.

I’m amazed by the responses here.

Children aren’t free to house, clothe, feed etc. And maintenance is intended to help balance out the costs of those needs between the two homes.

There are situations where the law doesn’t enforce maintenance payments - where the non resident parent isn’t working is one of them - but that doesn’t stop the child’s costs existing. If a resident parent who had lost their job just stopped paying for their child social services would be called.

If my ex lost his job but still had a good household income, and received a significant payout from his ex employer then I would expect him to continue paying maintenance from a moral, if not a legal, standpoint.

Going forward I don’t think it’s reasonable to insist he works if he is significantly disabled, but I am surprised that they aren’t paying some sort of maintenance as a couple even if the law doesn’t oblige them to.

I do agree with pp that it is probably time to look for a better job, so that you are more self sufficient. ….

I think that your ex should give you some of his compensation money towards your child maintenance. However, I also think that it is possible for you to work more hours even though you are a single parent to two children. I worked full-time as a single parent to three children and a lot of single parents do.

Do you claim UC too?

You choose to only work 15 hours. This is what is wrong with the benefits system in the UK.

You only have less than 3 years left from your first DD’s maintenance stopping do you have a plan to replace this money yourself to keep you able to work part time?

Well that’s a big drip feed.

This.

But I do have some sympathy for you and your child OP though as he should want to be spending a chunk of that on his kid even if it’s sticking it in trust for her.

Maybe he will do so.

@Zanzara sorry - I hadn't seen your post but have basically repeated it 😄

He lost use of the right side of his body. However, just because he can no longer work manual labour there’s other work out there.

Crikey!! Now that is one heck of a drip feed. Especially from someone who works 15 hours a week

my children were 6 and 10 when I split from their dad - I worked full time I had no choice. He also never had them Overnight.

Yes he should pay you the back pay he owe’s you, as that compensation is to cover lost earnings, and some of those earnings went to you. He clearly isn’t going to though.

You say you can’t work full time but her father is around and can go and pick her up from school given he won’t be working anymore. Get him to do some of the running around for gymnastics etc. If he won’t pay towards his DD then your next option is to increase your household income via full time work and make him do his bit. Lots of us are single mums and work full time. I’ve got 3 kids, almost all grown up now but they went to a nursery, and then wrap around care, plus holiday clubs. You will be a low earner so you’d get financial help with this.

In 3yrs your maintenance for eldest will stop and you’ll be down a lot. 11yrs any UC you get for kids will go too. Whilst UC topping up part time wages might seem like a luxury now so you can work part time, you won’t be building much of a pension or savings towards the future when benefits stop or reduce. Which they will be in just 3yrs time. You need to reframe your thinking.

This will be a bit controversial but women like the OP are why the 2 child benefit cap should stay, because with the age of her youngest you can bet your boots there would be another on the way if the cap wasn’t there

OP, I'm going to show a little bit more sympathy here. It is hard if a parent loses a job and just doesn't have to pay maintenance, whilst as the main carer of your children you would still be financially responsible whether you had a job or not and would have to find the money somewhere. It is so much more difficult if your income is already low. Also, £190,000 is a significant amount (though obviously nothing would ever compensate for the physical health he has lost) so paying a bit more for yor shared child would not immediately seem unreasonable.

However, working only 15 hours a week when you have two secondary aged kids is unreasonable if you want to increase your finances. There is absolutely no reason you can't work more. I say this as a single parent of kids significantly younger than you who live 100% with me and I work almost full time to support them, knowing this is my only secure income. You are not owed the money from your ex in this case (though hopefully he can contribute a bit more financially) but you can double your salary quickly by working more hours, which is better than feeling bitter because of unrealistic expectations about what you think you are owed

😂😂😂

From somebody who works 15 hours a week and claims she can't get any more hours in her present job, that's rich!

22.30 "He can’t be bothered to work"
22.38 "he was in an accident at work"
23.42 "He lost use of the right side of his body"

You're not making yourself look great here OP!

You want a man who can’t use half of his body to gain employment so that you can continue to work 15 hours per week whilst your children are in school and the youngest is cared for all weekend by her dad? Have I understood that correctly?

You could work full time during the week, and would only need to cover your youngest going to a breakfast/ after school club then childcare is sorted and you still have weekends to “relax”. Or, you could “relax” a couple of days a week whilst the kids are at school and then work all weekend plus three days a week during school hours. That would put you up to full time. Or look for a different job.

Many of us work full time as well as parenting full time (after school and weekends) so I am not surprised by the replies you are getting here.

If you have a reasonable claim then make the claim formally through CMS. Otherwise, you're out of luck.

I don't think you are likely to get much sympathy from the many parents who work full time and haven't had a weekend to themselves for years.

Have you thought about what is going to happen in circa 3 years time when presumably your eldest’s ex stops paying maintenance, and you lose some universal credit as she is also no longer classed as a dependent? You may want to think about working towards being self sufficient in income now as you are likely to see a big drop then.