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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you’ve got money, you should be able to buy what you want, at least in principle?

44 replies

TheLimeGuide · 17/09/2025 21:24

If you’ve worked for it (or even if you haven’t), why shouldn’t you be able to spend it however you like? Obviously, some things are illegal or unethical but in general, shouldn’t money give you freedom?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLimeGuide · 17/09/2025 21:52

Twistedfirestarters · 17/09/2025 21:47

'There’s a difference between having an opinion and projecting your own money hang-ups onto someone else.'

There's also a difference between passing judgment and stopping or trying to stop someone spending money. You talk about freedom and approval as if people are actively stopping someone from spending their money. They're not are they? Someone saying 'I can't believe you spent that much on a handbag' isn't taking away anyone's freedom to spend money

Of course no one’s physically stopping anyone. But persistent judgement can undermine people’s freedom to enjoy or express what they’ve chosen to spend on. Social shaming isn’t the same as a legal block but it does affect how freely people live.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLimeGuide · 17/09/2025 21:50

MinPinSins · 17/09/2025 21:44

But you don't need public approval? The judgement is stopping you from buying it.

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Sure, it doesn’t technically stop anyone. But social pressure and public judgement can absolutely influence how people spend or at least how openly they do it. I’m not saying we need approval, just that the criticism seems unnecessary when someone’s spending their own money.

OP posts:
bumbaloo · 17/09/2025 21:49

TheLimeGuide · 17/09/2025 21:42

Not necessarily, I think both situations point to the same idea that people often feel entitled to judge how others spend their money, regardless of the context. Whether it’s a designer bag or just living differently, the reactions can be oddly intense.

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People are entitled to judge. And people are entitled not to care a jot what those people think.
I have no idea why anyone cares if Sharon off MN thinks it’s ‘tacky’ to buy a bag or that ‘only arseholes but BMWs’ because both of those judgements would be patently untrue.

bumbaloo · 17/09/2025 21:47

TheLimeGuide · 17/09/2025 21:33

That’s exactly the kind of thing I was thinking about, like how some luxury brands won’t sell you the “main” item unless you jump through hoops and buy other stuff first. It’s your money but somehow they still set the rules for how you’re “allowed” to spend it. I find it a bit mad that exclusivity now means spending more just to qualify to spend even more.

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But no one is forcing anyone to buy into that brand’s nonsense.

if people want it, it’s because of the perceived rarity. If everyone who could afford them could buy then then they wouldn’t be special and people would want one!

and honestly, people buy what they want. I don’t give a shiny shit what some rando off mumsnet thinks

Twistedfirestarters · 17/09/2025 21:47

'There’s a difference between having an opinion and projecting your own money hang-ups onto someone else.'

There's also a difference between passing judgment and stopping or trying to stop someone spending money. You talk about freedom and approval as if people are actively stopping someone from spending their money. They're not are they? Someone saying 'I can't believe you spent that much on a handbag' isn't taking away anyone's freedom to spend money

MinPinSins · 17/09/2025 21:44

TheLimeGuide · 17/09/2025 21:32

I just see a lot of judgement (especially online) when someone spends money on things others wouldn’t. Whether it’s a designer bag, a luxury trip, cosmetic surgery or even just a flashy car, people are quick to say it’s a “waste” or “must be compensating for something.” I guess I’m asking if it’s your money, why does it seem to need public approval?

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But you don't need public approval? The judgement is stopping you from buying it.

Original poster
TheLimeGuide · 17/09/2025 21:42

Twistedfirestarters · 17/09/2025 21:37

That appears to be an entirely different scenario to your previous post

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Not necessarily, I think both situations point to the same idea that people often feel entitled to judge how others spend their money, regardless of the context. Whether it’s a designer bag or just living differently, the reactions can be oddly intense.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 17/09/2025 21:40

To think....it doesn't fall from the sky so depends, but who is stopping you anyway there is no context to this or lots of these extremely similar threads

Original poster
TheLimeGuide · 17/09/2025 21:39

Twistedfirestarters · 17/09/2025 21:34

It doesn't need approval? But if you make a point of telling people what you've spent your money on they may respond with an opinion. Especially if it's an unusually expensive purchase

My post was more about how some folks always come in hot with judgement, even when no one’s bragging, just sharing. There’s a difference between having an opinion and projecting your own money hang-ups onto someone else.

OP posts:
Twistedfirestarters · 17/09/2025 21:37

TheLimeGuide · 17/09/2025 21:33

That’s exactly the kind of thing I was thinking about, like how some luxury brands won’t sell you the “main” item unless you jump through hoops and buy other stuff first. It’s your money but somehow they still set the rules for how you’re “allowed” to spend it. I find it a bit mad that exclusivity now means spending more just to qualify to spend even more.

Show quote history

That appears to be an entirely different scenario to your previous post

Original poster
TheLimeGuide · 17/09/2025 21:35

CosyMintFish · 17/09/2025 21:30

Should you be able to buy another human? Buy a hitman? Radioactive isotopes? Illegal narcotics? Pathogens?

Or is this a question about your DP wanting you to buy own brand beans, but you earn enough to get Branston, and you think they’re unreasonable.

Quite a difference between the two. So the answer to the vague OP is ‘it depends’

I promise this wasn’t a secret manifesto for human trafficking or uranium smuggling, more just me wondering why people get judged for spending their own money on legal things they want.

OP posts:
Twistedfirestarters · 17/09/2025 21:34

It doesn't need approval? But if you make a point of telling people what you've spent your money on they may respond with an opinion. Especially if it's an unusually expensive purchase

Original poster
TheLimeGuide · 17/09/2025 21:33

randomchap · 17/09/2025 21:27

Is this to do with those shops that sell high end handbags but won't sell them to new customers. So you have to buy lots of smaller things first, before you buy the handbag?

That’s exactly the kind of thing I was thinking about, like how some luxury brands won’t sell you the “main” item unless you jump through hoops and buy other stuff first. It’s your money but somehow they still set the rules for how you’re “allowed” to spend it. I find it a bit mad that exclusivity now means spending more just to qualify to spend even more.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLimeGuide · 17/09/2025 21:32

Beatmeonthebottomwiththewomansweekly · 17/09/2025 21:26

What’s the context to say that you can’t?

I just see a lot of judgement (especially online) when someone spends money on things others wouldn’t. Whether it’s a designer bag, a luxury trip, cosmetic surgery or even just a flashy car, people are quick to say it’s a “waste” or “must be compensating for something.” I guess I’m asking if it’s your money, why does it seem to need public approval?

OP posts:
CosyMintFish · 17/09/2025 21:30

Should you be able to buy another human? Buy a hitman? Radioactive isotopes? Illegal narcotics? Pathogens?

Or is this a question about your DP wanting you to buy own brand beans, but you earn enough to get Branston, and you think they’re unreasonable.

Quite a difference between the two. So the answer to the vague OP is ‘it depends’

Hillrunning · 17/09/2025 21:28

You are just describing reality. Everyone does have the freedom to spend thier money (however much they have) however they wish - they even have the freedom to spend it illegally if they wish, they just risk the consequences of that.

randomchap · 17/09/2025 21:27

Is this to do with those shops that sell high end handbags but won't sell them to new customers. So you have to buy lots of smaller things first, before you buy the handbag?

BramStoner · 17/09/2025 21:26

Another one of these pointless bot threads.

Beatmeonthebottomwiththewomansweekly · 17/09/2025 21:26

What’s the context to say that you can’t?