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AIBU?

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Inheritance

79 replies

Changedforcontroversialpost · 17/09/2025 14:50

I know this will be controversial already. I also accept that there will be strong views.
I am struggling to understand my Dad’s mindset to be honest. So, my Dad has always said that you can’t take money with you, his parents said the same thing and were generous whenever they came into any money - gifting us a few hundred pounds as children when they sold their house for example (30+ years ago) He berated my Mother’s (divorced) choices about hoarding money and when she passed there was a significant amount of money that inheritance tax needed to be paid on. He has always said things like ‘why didn’t she just take you on holiday?’ ‘Why didn’t she gift you some money towards a car?’ Because essentially she then paid tax on her earnings, tax on her savings and then inheritance tax on those savings even though she worked all her life in manual, not-well paid jobs. However, he has just sold his house, he lives in a place where he is extremely unlikely to be removed from and he is 73. When I asked him if he had plans to holiday or travel the world he basically said that he plans to just save the money. Of course this is completely and utterly his right but I simply can’t get my head around it. He would be gutted to have to pay any inheritance tax and he would never want the money to go to anyone other than his children. It doesn’t make sense to me that he would hang onto it instead of sensibly gifting it (within the parameters of the law) and enjoying seeing it be put to use. He has implied all his life that he thinks it’s strange to sit on money when reaching old age but now he is doing just that.

AIBU to think it’s odd? That he had such strong views about it when my Mum did the same thing but now is following the same path? I’m not desperate for money that is a promise and I will never begrudge this, just curious if anyone has encountered someone similar.

OP posts:
GasPanic · 17/09/2025 15:01

As above, it's easy to tell other people what to do with their money. And somewhat less easy when it's your turn to live up to those standards.

Maybe he wanted to paint your mother in a bad light for hoarding money.

It's not unusual as people get older for them to worry more about security and their views may change. And money translates to security.

As regards IHT, maybe look on the bright side that if you father leaves an estate that qualifies for IHT then that is probably going to mean quite a substantial amount to you, unless you have many siblings.

Lollytea655 · 17/09/2025 14:59

I think it’s really common for your attitude to change when it’s your own money and your own old age.

One of my husband’s grandparents were like this. It was the one way they felt they could protect themselves & keep some control, it made them feel safe.

Changedforcontroversialpost · 17/09/2025 14:58

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 17/09/2025 14:55

I guess it’s easier to be generous with other people’s money, and probably not at all unusual to have a different opinion of your own.

Yeah you’re most likely right. However, I couldn’t wait to gift some of mine to my children and I enjoyed seeing them put it to good use. It just seems strange to me that his parents were the same way and me and my sibling are the same way but that our parents despite claiming to be actually aren’t / weren’t.

OP posts:
Judashascomeintosomemoney · 17/09/2025 14:55

I guess it’s easier to be generous with other people’s money, and probably not at all unusual to have a different opinion of your own.

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