Day of Dad’s funeral; Council demand Mum sell her house day after

The council won’t take into account anyone else living in the house unless they are a spouse or otherwise direct relative who is either disabled or aged under 18 or over 60. They must also have lived in the house as their only residence and have been in residence before the person needed care.

Just wanted to also add my sympathy with the position you are in that is adding for trauma to an already traumatic event.

Sadly this appears to be adult social care, I’ve had nothing but trauma in the past 3 years dealing with my Mums care to the point some days I no longer feel like fighting on! But I have my toddler to live for so there’s no east option of giving in.

Has your mum been assessed for NHS Continuing Care? If she needs round the clock care then she may qualify. Then her care would be funded by the NHS.

If you are self-funding, social services will not get involved. It's because you are going cap in hand to social services and demanding they pay for live-in carers (it sounds like) for a couple of months until your mum is ready to move into a care home.

Sorry, but if your mum's needs are deemed to need 24/7 care, then she needs to move into a residential setting urgently. Unfortunately, adult social care is on its knees and, frankly, can't afford to allow everyone to remain at home with a live-in carer.

The Social Worker will not be licking their lips at this, they do not manage council budgets, the head of service does, and it sounds like the social worker has been told no.

When did you have your last CHC assessment? Does she not qualify for this yet? My Mum gets part (50/50) CH funded care in the home. She get 8 hours a day of care at home, I’ve heard examples of them doing for 24/7 care in the home. If it’s 24/7 with nursing needs then that should trigger CHC funding? Does she take medication? What are her main symptoms? What interventions does she have (peg etc).

Look at the guide Compass produced https://www.continuing-healthcare.co.uk

and the Parkinson’s Trust

https://www.parkinsons.org.uk/information-and-support/nhs-continuing-healthcare

it’s not that well document that you can get part funded in the home which is easier to get than full funding. What this does is open up having more care in the home as the NHS work off a different criteria than the basic provided by social services whereby they say if your needs aren’t met by the max they think suitable in the home (visits 4 times a day for morning, lunch, dinner and bed that total about 2/2.5hrs) which you are currently battling with.

clearly Parkinson’s isn’t the same as aging gracefully, it’s a neurological degenerative disease with differing factor per sufferer. You need to say you need that CHC assessment fast tracking now and you will not accept nursing home until that’s been undertaken. I think you get 6 weeks free in a care home before they charge against your home. You shouldn’t need to sell either I think one option is to keep and for the council to put the cost of the home as a charge on the house (that’s if you need to pay them, I think with some help from compass you shouldn’t need to!

I’m sorry for your loss.

I’m not surprised though, my coworker’s sibling committed suicide and the remaining siblings were asked to downsize within a couple weeks. While understandable, we were all shocked at how quickly they acted considering the major bereavement of finding the body of your sibling in a very traumatising way.

Would it be an option to have your mother move in with one of you and sell the house at a slower pace?

Sometimes SS can be so heartless and don't see the pain people are in, check with CAB but I heard of a thing where if a family member is living in the house they can't sell it, so why not say you are living there?

Gently if your Mum isnt safe then she will need to move into a care home immediately. She cannot stay at home on her own. Who would be managing her care? I know from my late parents that councils wont provide care 24 hrs in the elderly person's home.

And as others say - SS dont get the money. It goes to the care home your Mum moves into.

Just take a deep breath here. Who will be looking after her on a 24 hr basis if not a care home? And yes, my late parents paid £££ until they passed away to pay for their own care.

Im sorry. Its horrible.
My ddad died many years ago. Mums modest home has been sold, she rented for a few years in a retirement complex, spent a bit on private carers and now we are spending on a care home @£1350 a week.
I would take a step away from the council
Go and find the best private care home you can and do a financial assessment with them.

It sounds like the premise of the council is correct but I agree they could have waited a week.

Can you say a bit more about the will, OP? Have you looked into whether it would be possible to vary it?

Op i know it might seem cold but they / you need to get your DMum moved into a home ASAP.
It wouldn't matter if they gave a week or two grace, she wouldn't be much less raw than she is today.

It sounds like the sooner you get the house on the market the better.
BTW I don't particularly agree with people having to pay care fees but I can't see it changing any time soon

It's all very unclear but the part I absolutely don't understand is the council "licking their lips at the sale of a London house". It seems incredible that your parents have spent £650,000 on care to date. That's the equivalent of nearly 10 years in a really good care home. Have they been poorly advised?

Please get a good solicitor now.

Please complain in writing by letter to your local councillor with copy to your MP as to the insensitive approach

it also sounds like there is no LPA s in place, is it possible to sort this or is Mum not in a place to be considered of sound mind? THat then would swing decision making to you or whoever is named LPA - the process does take a few weeks though.

I think you need to put practical hats on and start sorting things - that may give you some time in terms having cash available for sorting the house and Mum's care. I would be surprised if they can find her a spot in local care homes that quickly to be honest and also if private or jointly funded then they will often require to see xyz, ooo in the bank to keep payments going for the predicted lifespan of the patient etc. It is all very hard nosed unfortunately. Money should be in control of the guardian appointed by the court - ss can apply but so can others. I think you would do well to consult with a lawyer about the whole situation so that the finances don't get swallowed up to quickly and Mum has plenty to fund her. Initially for e.g. if the house can be sorted could it be rented out?

Lots of options and the executors of will should know what they are about. If its somehow in a trust its a whole different kettle of fish as well (not sure how an equity release could not be possible any other way - and if in a trust could be protected if set up right.

Good Luck and so sorry to hear all this - its a very difficult time and tough decisions have to be made and remaining family need to support each other

Sorry to add - POA is only valid for someone who is alive. You may well have had POA for him but you wouldn’t now and should inform the court of protection

@Supersimkin7
Can't help with any advice I'm afraid - but just to say I'm very sorry for your loss and the additional stress and worry this is putting you through 💐

Understandably emotions are running high it’s an awful time but it does sound as though you are being told what they want you to do as opposed to legally what you are required to do. Your fathers will / assets sounds as though it would fall into probate category which means probate needs to be granted first.

Take a step back and inform them you are taking legal guidance - speak with age concern and contact a probate specialist.

Are you suggesting their only waiting till the day after is reasonable??

So sorry for your loss OP. 💐

How long do you expect them to wait for you to sort out your parent’s affairs?

Disgusting behaviour OP, but it doesn't surprise me. Councils are stuffed full of useless, insensitive people.

If I was you, I'd complain about them ringing you so soon after your father died, but I doubt it will do any good.

True. My point was more just the lack of sensitivity that can often be a hallmark of these conversations, regardless of who's having them.

So you’ve been paying for private care from your parents savings. This money is spent.

Your mum needs a high level of care. You have presumably approached social services to access social care for her. They have said they cannot meet her needs at home and have offered residential care but your mum will need to sell her house to pay for that.

Is that correct? Have they a suitable residential place for her?

How long was there between the death and the funeral? If there was a long wait for the funeral, maybe the council have already waited longer than they would have done otherwise.