Day of Dad’s funeral; Council demand Mum sell her house day after

Have you ever taken care of an elderly relative yourself?

Oh yes they do! Vultures !

https://www.parkinsons.org.uk/information-and-support/nhs-continuing-healthcare

I didn’t say, or even suggest any of this. I think we’re talking at cross purposes here. I was agreeing that time was of the essence no matter what the options and that if full time care is needed it’s going to be pretty much immediate once the private care funds run out. So OP needs to consider her options ASAP. And it’s my experience that in these circumstances respite care will not be free, and nor was l suggesting it should be.

So sorry for your loss OP. If mother needs round the clock care, and tge plan is a care home, it's best to start this process speedily, as care home places are limited, and the more time you have, the more choice.
The timing is very unfortunate. I doubt it was done with any malice, but possibly by a social worker with a mountain of to do tasks, who overlooked when the funeral was.
I hope things improve, and you find somewhere that is suitable.

I’m sorry for your loss. SS wouldn’t know the date of a funeral.

Get your DM a social worker, push for care assessment now circs have changed. Then start to look to put house on market, the council can’t withdraw care based on a house sale, they are known to take months.

And if you re-read OP’s posts, she’s not expecting the tax payer to fund her mums’ care, just some time to catch their breath between her dad’s funeral and her mum going into care.

Sorry but that isn't what the OP is wanting - to quote her "SS know we can’t pay for more private care, and that they’ll have to fork out for a couple of months respite care with round the clock carers if she at home." And no, they won't and can't fork out for a few months. Even if that was repaid at a later stage, they simply don't have the powers to do what you are / the OP is suggesting. A few months isn't "time to catch their breath". How many few months are they supposed to fund 24 hour respite / home care when they have no powers to provide that funding?

And to be fair, quite apart from the lack of clarity around aspects of all this, we also don't know how much time has already elapsed or even when these conversations with adult social care started - given her advanced ill health it is entirely possibly that plans for residential care had already been in the pipeline before her bereavement, as even if her husband had been fit and healthy up to his death, that level of care would almost certainly have been beyond an elderly person backed up by what would have been some limited carer visits.

The system isn't what it should be or ought to be. It doesn't have scope to be flexible. And yes, at times it seems overpowering and lacking in decency. And if you want to start a campaign to change this you will find social care workers queuing around the block to support your campaign. But right now they can only work within the parameters they have and the (lack of) sustainable budgets and options that they are given. Pretty much every council in the country is way understaffed in social care across the board because they can't find people who want to do the thankless job of being to blame for the inadequacies of the system any more. And who can blame them.

Don't be so callous towards a grieving OP who is clearly having a very hard time of it.

You obviously know absolutely nothing about the care needs of someone with parkinsons. No, one individual cannot look after them. I'm a nurse and have worked with numerous patients with parkinsons and it's difficult even as a professional care team.

I'm really sorry for your loss and the ongoing situation, it sounds very hard. I don't know the logistics or legalities of what's going on however whatever they are, it is very, very callous of SS to contact you regarding this a day after the funeral.

I hope you'll seek legal advice about the whole situation to see where you stand.

An individual can't look after someone with advanced Parkinsons, the care needs are too great. The OP's mother needs professional carers, not well meaning relatives.

But you can't sell a house just like that to pay for care fees, there are processes to go through. The OP needs to calm down and seek advice.

If you are paying for care then you choose. If care is being funded by local authority they call the shots. That's the rules AFAIK.

Unfortunately l think it’s a sad fact of life that in this case they can’t wait. If OP’s mum only has a month of private care funding left, no family available to provide the care she needs and she can’t be left alone, then entry into a suitable care facility is a matter of urgency. So the house will have to be sorted and either sold, or a deferred payment agreement arranged if there is no other funding. I can’t see any alternative unless equity can be arranged to fund more private care at home. Time appears to be a factor in every option because there is no more cash available..

Fully agreed, thoughtless.
She may also need 2 carers at a time and 24/7 care - no one can physically manage that. Or some nursing care.
Previously it seems her husband may have helped but couldn’t do all the care, hence the massive costs.
OP honestly, get yourself over to Elderly Parents - saved my sanity at times - plus their experience is broader.

How long should they wait?

Just here to repeat the suggestion upthread that the beneficiaries of OP's DF's will consider writing a deed of variation to make it easier for DM to use the equity in the house to pay for care at home if that's what she really wants. Although, that means the whole value is at risk. And, she might be lonelier. Lots of factors to consider.

What don’t you understand. Not everyone is in a position to look after elderly relatives. Not everyone can afford to give up work for example, and the notion that children ‘should’ take care of their parents at this stage of life is problematic.

And if you re-read OP’s posts, she’s not expecting the tax payer to fund her mums’ care, just some time to catch their breath between her dad’s funeral and her mum going into care.

If you don’t think it would cost anything for OP to look after her mum herself, you might want to give your head a wobble. Unpaid carers are some of the most under rated people in the country. They save the tax payer a fortune - often at great personal cost.

Sorry but nobody can provide 24hr care on their own, not being able to go out. Not to mention Ops employer or any other family commitments like children.

what is "wrongly written" in the will?

NHS continuing care doesn’t just apply to round the clock care - that’s mainly what care homes are for. For continuing care the needs have to be significant across a range of assessments such as continence, mobility, cognisance, breathing difficulties, skin integrity, behavioural/mental health issues, ability to take nutrition, drug therapies required. To name a few. The care required has to be very significantly above the norm, most people who qualify are those going from hospital directly into care, or entering a terminal stage. It’s stringently assessed and very difficult to secure.

It may be irrelevant, but it does go to the unfairness of it all. A person can spend their entire life trying to make things better for others and when the times comes that they need care, compassion, it is nowhere to be found.

Im sorry for your loss @Supersimkin7 .

Social workers can only work within the legislation. There is the Deferred Payment Scheme, which means that the house does not need to go on the market immediately that someone goes into residential care.

Social workers are people with family members too. Many of them will have parents with care needs, subject to the same legislation.

It’s difficult to get. I managed to get it for my dad, after a fight, as he had complex and mixed care needs.

You have to qualify in different sections of the form.

I don't understand.
You can look after your mom personally like most of the people in the world do and then you don't have to pay anything. Why expecting the taxpayer to fund her care if she owns an expensive house or has children who should take care of her?

So awful OP.
Your Mum can’t sell the house I believe until it’s transferred properly to her, through probate. But as she can’t ER is it left to her, or a life interest? In which case it would be complex to sell the home I imagine.
I recommend legal advice and possibly letting solicitors deal with probate.
I can’t see it has to get, or can be, done so quickly, maybe it’s some automated letter that was less than tactfully sent - been there - but I wouldn’t over panic yet.
Look after you too OP, it’s a difficult time for you all.
oh and I recommend the Elderly Parents or Carers threads on here for experienced advice (not necessarily the legal bit I mean) and also great support - better probably than this in the circumstances.

They won’t get any money from your mums house because she will be full cost? All of her money will go on the cost of her care to the care home she picks. Could you consider moving in with your mum for a while to provide care so she can stay at home?